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Original poster

Should I get vaccines done without his knowledge?

112 replies

Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 09:12

My dd was born just before lockdown. Her dad is an anti vaxxer in the extreme sense. He thinks that vaccines are designed to reduce the world population 🙄

I think dd should have her vaccinations. She's now 20 months old. We don't live together so I could get it done without him knowing.

My questions are;

How to avoid lumps at the site of the injection? If he see this when she's with him there is a chance he wouldn't bring her home to me after contact.

Will the GP do them this late?

If you're going to make nasty comments about why I've allowed him to do this then please scroll on by... I'm autistic, easily manipulated and he is a very controlling person. He phoned up Sky and got them to uninstall our Sky Q because he says it causes brain cancer and it's now going to cost me £100 to get it back.

OP posts:
Spudlet · 01/09/2021 09:13

I think you need to speak to someone like Women’s Aid, tbh. He sounds really controlling, and that is a form of abuse. Or speak to your GP or HV. Or all of them!

LadyCluck · 01/09/2021 09:15

In your position I would absolutely get her vaccinated. Mine never had any lumps at injection site - sometime a small red dot or a bruise. She may get a fever afterwards but you could always say to him that daughter is unwell so unable to go to him for contact.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 09:15

I've tried to speak to women's aid before but they didn't really have any advice.

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 01/09/2021 09:15

Please contact Womens Aid. You need support to protect yourself and your dd. You are her Mum and need to do what's best for her.

LadyCluck · 01/09/2021 09:15

Also yes to speaking to GP and HV.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 01/09/2021 09:16

Yes they will do the injections.
Talk to your HV if you are worried about your EXs reaction... they might be able to point you in the direction of expert help.

shesellsseacats · 01/09/2021 09:17

Yes, definitely go ahead and do it without telling him. As a mother, your responsibility is to your child not her dad, he's a grown man.

It's been a while since mine were small, I can't remember if it was obvious they'd had a jab, I don't think so.

What you say about his controlling nature is worrying. Are you still together?

Vaselike · 01/09/2021 09:18

How often does he see your child?
For the first day or so they have a plaster abs it might be a bit tender but after that you don’t notice, and any side effects (mine were a bit crabby and one had a rash after 8 days on one of the jabs) could be easily explained by something else.

Good on you. He sounds horrible.

pianolessons1 · 01/09/2021 09:18

Yes of course. whatever you do do not tell the GP that he is against them. If they know that someone with parental responsibility doesn't give consent, they can't vaccinate without a court order. And obviously leave him.

NutellaEllaElla · 01/09/2021 09:19

I'd say do it and if there is any fever or evidence just say she's not well enough for contact until it's better

CallItLoneliness · 01/09/2021 09:19

I am so sorry to read about your experiences, that's horrible. I'm glad you're no longer with him.

Someone will likely come along and say that it is his child too and he should get a say; I would argue that you are acting based on science for the best health of your DD, and that getting her childhood immunisations is the sensible, responsible thing to do. If your question is about how to get them vaccinated without him knowing--what is your contact arrangement? Neither of my two had any site reactions to any of their vaccines, though they could be a bit miserable for a few days after. You can put miserable down to childhood illness though.

I might further question, given how alternative his views are, whether he is safe to be with your DD--do you want him to have contact with her?

Original poster
Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 09:20

No we're not together.

He has her for one night a week.

OP posts:
ChoccyJules · 01/09/2021 09:20

If he ever doesn’t bring her back you should call the police.

Whatever the custody arrangements are, this would hopefully help him to see he cannot get his own way like this.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 09:21

I don't think any court would side with him over this. Because his view is against medical advice. He does have PR though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 09:22

@ChoccyJules

If he ever doesn’t bring her back you should call the police.

Whatever the custody arrangements are, this would hopefully help him to see he cannot get his own way like this.

Yes but if someone takes a child it can take 6 weeks to get them back. The police can't do anything at all if the person who takes them has PR. So you have to go to court.
OP posts:
00100001 · 01/09/2021 09:22

Well, he'd never need to know of he only bothers with her for one night a week.

3womeninaboat · 01/09/2021 09:23

Make the appointment with the biggest gap from contact possible.
You could ask if the injection could be given away from the classic top of the arm location so that any swelling could be explained as an insect bite.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 09:26

@00100001

Well, he'd never need to know of he only bothers with her for one night a week.

Huh? Oh believe me he'd have her more than that if he could. But he lives over an hour away. He notices every tiny little mark on her and asks me to explain it.

OP posts:
Littlemissmagnet · 01/09/2021 09:26

My Sister Husband is the same it started not allowing vaccines now neither of them can eat any sugar or any food he deems has any fat at all. ( he controls what they eat every morsel)
Meanwhile he is free to get pissed and pour alcohol into his body every night!
In answer to all your questions
Yes he is and yes she knows and no she can't

So OP please please talk to your GP and HV before it gets worse

3luckystars · 01/09/2021 09:27

Could you say that she needs them to start school or nursery and ask the gp to discuss his concerns with him?

Write out a list of all the vaccinations and ask him which ones he would be ok with, or if he needs to do some further research on each of them. They are all different so just saying a blanket no to all of them is unfair, surely you could meet in the middle?

ScrumptiousBears · 01/09/2021 09:27

The only jab that marked (scar) one of my DD was the BCG but that's not given out routinely anymore.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 09:30

@3luckystars

Could you say that she needs them to start school or nursery and ask the gp to discuss his concerns with him?

Write out a list of all the vaccinations and ask him which ones he would be ok with, or if he needs to do some further research on each of them. They are all different so just saying a blanket no to all of them is unfair, surely you could meet in the middle?

He thinks the world is run by blood drinking pedophiles. So that will give you an idea of how unreasonable he is. He thinks all vaccines are evil and is 100% convinced that a yellow fever vaccine that he had caused him to get cancer.

OP posts:
AnnaSW1 · 01/09/2021 09:31

@ScrumptiousBears it is if you live in London

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 01/09/2021 09:31

I’d have them done the morning he brings her back so that anything has time to go down. But it sounds like you need RL support-his could he get your sky removed when he doesn’t live with you and has no responsibility for the property you live in?

Original poster
Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 09:31

He has also said that if she needs the vaccines to go to nursery she won't ever go to school and will be home schooled (by him I should imagine - no way)

OP posts: