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Original poster

Should I get vaccines done without his knowledge?

112 replies

Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 09:12

My dd was born just before lockdown. Her dad is an anti vaxxer in the extreme sense. He thinks that vaccines are designed to reduce the world population 🙄

I think dd should have her vaccinations. She's now 20 months old. We don't live together so I could get it done without him knowing.

My questions are;

How to avoid lumps at the site of the injection? If he see this when she's with him there is a chance he wouldn't bring her home to me after contact.

Will the GP do them this late?

If you're going to make nasty comments about why I've allowed him to do this then please scroll on by... I'm autistic, easily manipulated and he is a very controlling person. He phoned up Sky and got them to uninstall our Sky Q because he says it causes brain cancer and it's now going to cost me £100 to get it back.

OP posts:
Peanutsandchilli · 01/09/2021 10:06

You need to get your daughter vaccinated. The nurses will do them for you so don't worry that she's a bit older. I put off my daughter's vaccinations for a few months as she was having issues with allergy symptoms and I wanted to rule out certain things before she had them done. There was no issue. She had pin prick marks on her thighs for a couple of days and wasn't particularly unwell, so if you can get an appointment at the beginning of your time with her, you should be fine and he won't notice. You may have to explain this as vaccination clinics are usually on set days, so you may need an appointment outside of the normal clinic time.
Definitely speak to someone such as your HV or women's aid, as others have suggested. You may not be in a relationship with this man but you need support to keep yourself and your daughter safe from the control he still has over you.
I wish you all the best x

369mumma · 01/09/2021 10:11

To be honest, just no hun, that's hugely disrespectful, he'll be furious, and quite rightly. It also means he can do the same to you in the future, ie not respect your wishes when it comes to the child you share. You have to trust each other on some level to have a chance of parenting well. Imagine how you will feel if he goes behind your back and acts against your wishes with regards to your child and something you felt strongly about. My advice would be to be open and honest. Speak to the GP, explain the issue, ask their advice. You will have to parent together for a very long time, try and keep the respect for each other's rights, it will benefit your child in the long run.

Drgnbllx · 01/09/2021 10:16

@369mumma

To be honest, just no hun, that's hugely disrespectful, he'll be furious, and quite rightly. It also means he can do the same to you in the future, ie not respect your wishes when it comes to the child you share. You have to trust each other on some level to have a chance of parenting well. Imagine how you will feel if he goes behind your back and acts against your wishes with regards to your child and something you felt strongly about. My advice would be to be open and honest. Speak to the GP, explain the issue, ask their advice. You will have to parent together for a very long time, try and keep the respect for each other's rights, it will benefit your child in the long run.
Well maybe her daughters health is more important than 'respecting' her nutjob father, hun.

OP, will he cause trouble if he finds out? It might be worth speaking to Woman's Aid if so.

Out of curiosity, did he cancel your Sky despite not living with you?

mynameiscalypso · 01/09/2021 10:19

If you speak to a GP, they'll be aware of the fact that he's anti-vax and legally, they won't then be able to give the vaccines.

TheOrigRights · 01/09/2021 10:20

If you get the jabs against his wishes and you subsequently go to court it will go against you. Just as it would go against him if it were the other way round. Regardless of whether he's right or wrong, if he has PR then he has every right to his opinion.

In your shoes I would speak to GP or nurse so they know your wishes and are aware you are being threatened; you can then tell the court this.

Original poster
Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 10:21

@00100001

"Huh? Oh believe me he'd have her more than that if he could. But he lives over an hour away."

Funny that he hasn't moved to be closer to his daughter.

I don't disagree with you at all. Although he has said that he plans to move back here in the next few months.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 10:21

If you get the jabs against his wishes and you subsequently go to court it will go against you.

Where is your evidence for this please?

OP posts:
ineedaholidayandwine · 01/09/2021 10:24

I’d have them done the morning he brings her back so that anything has time to go down

This, i would definitely get them done asap.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 01/09/2021 10:24

If you get the jabs against his wishes and you subsequently go to court it will go against you

Why would it? The paramount principle in family court is the child’s welfare.

Ingleduh · 01/09/2021 10:27

If it was my child I'd book in for jabs as close to her coming home from dad's and just never mention it to him! Don't tell the GP or nurse that he's anti vax either.

tattymacduff · 01/09/2021 10:27

@TheOrigRights

If you get the jabs against his wishes and you subsequently go to court it will go against you. Just as it would go against him if it were the other way round. Regardless of whether he's right or wrong, if he has PR then he has every right to his opinion.

In your shoes I would speak to GP or nurse so they know your wishes and are aware you are being threatened; you can then tell the court this.

What is the case law that you are basing your advice on? Can you provide a link?
Boredhimtodeath · 01/09/2021 10:31

If there is nothing written down anywhere with him saying he is against it I would just go get them done the day he drops her off so there is a awwww for them to heal (probably won’t be a mark anyway) and then if anything comes of it deal with it then.

Does he always have her the same night? Does he pay child support? When my partner was trying to increase the days he was able to have his kids a solicitor told him it was unlikely to change through court because it would be seen as an established routine. This might be rubbish advice but can you go to court to have a set day agreed so that if he does keep her he is going against court agreement?

youngandbroken · 01/09/2021 10:38

Vaccines are so important and I probably would just get them done without his knowledge but keep in mind that as she gets older, she may well tell him herself. I think a court order would be helpful, it would mean that he can't simply refuse to return her!

GeorgeMichaelBluth · 01/09/2021 10:39

@369mumma if she's withholding medical care then I'd support him to go against her wishes too.

OP run, get as far away from him as you can. Read what @Littlemissmagnet said and see how bad it can get.

Foxmylife · 01/09/2021 10:41

Yes get them done. There probably wont be a mark and if there is, its an insect biteWink

yikesanotherbooboo · 01/09/2021 10:43

Some DC get quite a bruise ( my DD did more than her brothers) also the vaccines are down in both thighs on the same day. There is definitely a chance that he will notice so you should get some advice first. Obviously you will be doing the right thing by your DC . I think you need to get advice from your HV first to make a plan .

Iwonder08 · 01/09/2021 10:43

Just get all the vaccines done the day after he returns her to you. In 6 days there will be no mark whatsoever

Original poster
Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 10:45

I completely agree that he has undiagnosed mental health issues. I personally think that he has a cluster A personality disorder even though I know you shouldn't armchair diagnose etc.

He thinks covid doesn't exist and he uses a pendulum to make important decisions. He's always been like this but the pandemic has made him worse.

OP posts:
FabulousIAm · 01/09/2021 10:45

You need both parents consent to get your child vaccinated. I have been in the same situation and would have to go back to court to get my child vaccinated. You cant just do it without the NRP permission.

Pipsquiggle · 01/09/2021 10:47

Get the vaccinations done the day you get her back - then she has a week to get over any reactions she may have.

If he does find out and he takes you to court, you can bring up all the batshit crazy things he does - in fact start documenting them all now.

You will definitely be seen as the more responsible parent and the court will tell him that.

FabulousIAm · 01/09/2021 10:50

Disagreement between parents
Although the consent of 1 person with parental responsibility is usually suffcient
(see Section 2(7) of the Children Act 1989), if 1 parent agrees to immunisation but the
other disagrees, the immunisation should not be carried out unless both parents can agree
to immunisation or there is a specifc court approval that the immunisation is in the best
interests of the child.
If there is any evidence that the person with parental responsibility may not have agreed
to the immunisation (for example the notes indicate that the parent(s) have negative views
on immunisation), or may not have agreed that the person bringing the child could give
the necessary consent (for example suggestion of disagreements between the parents on
medical matters) then the person with parental responsibility should be contacted for their
consent. If there is disagreement between the people with parental responsibility for the
child, then immunisation should not be carried out until their dispute is resolved.
A person giving consent on behalf of an infant or child may change their mind and
withdraw consent at any time. Where consent is either refused or withdrawn, it is the duty
of each healthcare professional to communicate effectively and share such knowledge and
information with other members of the primary healthcare team

mynameiscalypso · 01/09/2021 10:52

The court may well agree that the DF is batshit and that it is in the child's interests to be vaccinated but that doesn't change the fact that legally, you need both parents to consent for the consent to be valid. The likelihood is, however, that your ex would have more of a case against the HCP who would have carried out a medical procedure without consent.

Pipsquiggle · 01/09/2021 10:53

@FabulousIAm - really?
Can you absolutely guarantee that as fact or is it just what happened in your situation?

Please can you clarify as it seems to be at odds with all the other posts.

I cannot believe the courts would compromise the health and safety of an infant just because 1 parent refuses to take on board medical research that has literally saved millions and millions of lives around the world

Original poster
Anon778833 · 01/09/2021 10:57

One of my older children had an immunisation not available on the NHS at a private clinic and they didn't ask me about her father at all or what his views were (different dad)

Maybe I could go for that option?

OP posts:
Pissinthepottyplease · 01/09/2021 11:03

You will definitely be able to get vaccines done later.

In your situation, I would arrange the appointment for as soon as she is back from Dad’s and then if there are still marks when she is due to see him next say she has a temp and needs a covid test so she can’t stay at his.