Please hold my hand - cancer.

[Trazzletoes]

Currently in hospital since last night with DS who is 3. Scans show masses on his brain. Drs believe them to be tumours, likely to have come from his abdomen.

Waiting for more scans/tests etc. staff are being overly nice to us which is worrying me more (though they did refer us to social services last night as they thought DH or I had fractured DS' skull.

Feel incredibly sick. He is 3 years old. Please hold my hand.

Checking in with more light, love and hope.

I can't even begin to imagine how tough this all is for you. You will always find the strength from somewhere. And come here when you need to cry and rant. We are all here for you.

Thinking of you and glad kinky found you x

Splodge of light burning in NZ for you (top of the South Island, stormy today so need the lights on even in daytime!)

We have a biscuit over here called a TimTam which is basically a chocolate covered bourbon - would MiniTrazzle like some mailed over? Might help to take the taste of the medicine away.

PM me somewhere to post them if you think he'd manage them.
(((hugs))) sending you strength.

Just found this thread. Sending you and your DS all the strength and best wishes you can handle and then some.

x

Light and positive thoughts for MiniTrazzle from Bath. Our kitchen candle is now your beautiful son's for as long as he needs it x

OK, take a deep breath. The staff are nice to you because they are nice to EVERYBODY, it is their job, and it does not mean anything sinister.

Firstly, you need to know what type of cancer this is. Then, you need to know what the treatment options are.
Treatments such as chemotherapy do have life changing 'side' effects at this young age, such as infertility and hearing loss. You will be having some very difficult conversations BUT you have a child with active disease and therefore there are only very stark choices at this point. Better choices will come later, with time.

Know that in yourself you have strength you never knew you had. Those first few weeks with a newborn? Nothing. Those times when employment and security was uncertain? Nothing.

These coming few months will test you like nothing else, but you CAN do it because you love your child, and you will be their voice. This is your job, and you are more than capablethe last 3 years have prepared you for that.

And cry in the toilets when you need to, then put a smile on your face and go back to the bed. Other parents will support and help.

PM me if you need more xxx

Terrible day today. DS' scan went fine but I left some important medication at home. Had to stay late on the ward while they got some more from another hospital. While we were waiting, DS developed a fever. He now has to stay in for 48 hours for blood test results, then has 3 more days' chemo from Monday. I'm so worried about him.

While I was there today, DM called to say DD was feeling unwell. This afternoon she had a fever of over 39 degrees. I have never felt so completely helpless. I love my DCs so much and I can't be there for both of them. It's awful. I hate this bloody disease.

Oh Trazzle, so sorry.

Trazzle I'm so sorry u have had a difficult day, poor DD, her timing sucks but she will be absolutely fine with your DM. For now u just need to concentrate on DS and just as importantly yourself. U need to keep yourself calm and strong then u can be there for DS.
Thinking of u all x

Trazzle, so sorry. Some days are shit. And being torn in two must be awful. Not surprised you are worried, you'd be mad or bad if you weren't. Your poor dcs, and poor you and DP.

Let's hope both fevers come down fast it are just the bug that's going round in London, basically a nasty 24 hour one.

You must at the same time cherish and protect yourself. What pre dcs did you like doing? I am sure there will be a gym at the hospital you can use. Something creative to do with the hands can be useful, crochet, knitting, sewing, making jewellery? Either something for your dcs, or for someone else? You must have a bit of time and fresh air. Your stamina will be called on, so you need to be healthy, eat well, and get sleep when you can.

There is probably a net of people around the hospital as well as on MN who might be practical help as well. And counsellors
.

Thinking of you.

Trazzle - hang in there. Sending lots of love and positive thoughts xxx

trazzle I am so sorry for all that is happening for you x

Sorry you're had such a crappy day. I've no doubt that both your DC's know exactly how much they are loved both by you and the rest of your family.

You can only do your best - hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Sending love and best wishes.
What a crappy day :(

But I could kiss your DM for being there to help you.
Please kiss DS on behalf of all MN. We are still holding your hand
I completely understand the guilt of not being able to solve both DC troubles.

Wishing a better day for you tomorrow

What a horrible horrible day. Sending strength,

And for what it is worth, tonight's candle is burning:

www.gratefulness.org/candles (group = TT)

norks I did kiss her. No way I could have got through the day without her. DH at work in important meetings, DS needing me and unable to take DD on to the ward because she was I'll. Thank god for mothers.

Trazzle so sorry day has been such a tough one

Wishing you and your little ones strength for the morrow x

So sorry your day was shit. You're doing an amazing job though so give yourself some credit. Thank God for mothers indeed.

So sorry you had such a difficult day today, Trazzle. Thank goodness you have your mum to take care of DD at times like this. On a practical note, do you keep lists? It's difficult to remember things when you are stressed and having a daily 'to do'/'must remember' list can be really helpful. I know that I have to write everything down when I'm under a lot of stress because my short-term memory closes down. My GP told me this is normal. In your situation, you are not only coping with the worst stress in the world, but you are also having to deal with an influx of new information and demands. Maybe having a notepad to jot down medications and what to take to the hospital every day would be useful.

Forgive me if I'm stating the bleeding obvious though.

I really hope both your children will be better tomorrow. Sounds as if they have the same bug, which is the last thing any of you need .

The light's still burning here for you and your DS.

Hoping tomorrow's a better day, and keeping a splodge of light burning

Oh sweetheart. I'm so sorry it's been an awful day. Your dd will have so much love and attention from your mum, she will be fine. I know you'll feel torn. I so hope they're both better by tomorrow.

Massive hugs x

DDhas been awake for a while... Because she's been rolling around in sick, poor thing.

So sorry Trazzle - your poor DD and DS, and you.

Posting to let you know you're being thought of, even in the middle of the night. Hope your DD is better soon & that its just a 24h viral thing.

Oh no! Hope you managed to clean her up and both get some more sleep.
Thinking of you all x

((Hugs)) Trazzle thinking of you all and Yes, thank God for mothers. DS will be thanking God for his lovely caring mum, too!!