Please hold my hand - cancer.

[Trazzletoes]

Currently in hospital since last night with DS who is 3. Scans show masses on his brain. Drs believe them to be tumours, likely to have come from his abdomen.

Waiting for more scans/tests etc. staff are being overly nice to us which is worrying me more (though they did refer us to social services last night as they thought DH or I had fractured DS' skull.

Feel incredibly sick. He is 3 years old. Please hold my hand.

Argh. I've just had to literally hold him down to administer the nastiest medicine known to man. He is screaming and everything is dyed brown.

So sorry Trazzle, that sounds traumatic. Thinking of you all x

Oh no! Would he respond to bribery? The offer of chocolate buttons is the only way to get steroids into DS!

Just seen this thread and wanted to send love. Bastard disease. He is a beautiful boy. X

He was bribed by his fave breakfast: nutella on toast. Didn't work. When I had forced the meds on him, he spat the toast out coz it tasted so rank.

Feeling like the worst mother in the world.

He's on nil by mouth now so he's going to be hungry all day because of my stupid STUPID idea to get him to take the damn stuff.

Barefoot, I think you just click on my name, and then on the see Trazzle's photos bit...

oh Trazzle that sounds awful, poor little man.
I really feel for you having to go through this and he is just a baby
Really wish I was closer but I'm so glad your DM is there to help.
I don't blame him fighting the iodine at all, it's a horrid substance.

Thank you for telling me his age, there is a huge amount of understanding to come in the next 6 months for him, but that doesn't help you now

Don't beat yourself up about things. You weren't giving the medicine to be cruel you were giving it because he needs it xx

Trazzle you are not the worst mother, you are a mother doing the best she can for her child.

I think about your boy often during the day and send him love and strength.

Oh Trazzle, I remember holding my then 2yo dd down whilst the doctor examined her down there (because I'd noticed a little blood coming out), dd screamed whilst the GP had to insert something to make sure she didn't have an infection. I felt awful and even now I remember it and all those feelings come flooding back. But dd doesn't remember at all.

All you can do is try to explain as best you can about the medicine and perhaps have a treat ready for him when it's over with a big fuss about what a brave boy he is.

I was thinking, would this book help at all? If you PM me your address, I'm more than happy to order a copy for you. If you think it will help him understand the process a bit better then please allow me to get it for you. I want to be a little more help than just a light that is thinking of you xxx

Hey there my lovely, thinking of you and keeping you close Xx

Trazzle it wasn't a stupid idea, it was his favourite breakfast, you said so yourself so you gave it to him because you love him and thought it might help. That is a good idea in my book and just one of the little ways you show every day how much you care. I'm looking at my little boy a little differently and hugging him a little bit tighter because of this thread and I'm thinking of you and your family often.

You sound like a great mother, we want to protect them from everything and it hurts so much when we can't. But none of what he is going through is due to anything lacking in you. X

Ps any particular toys or DVDs or stickers he likes we could send him to help the medicine go down? Would like to if you could pm an address. My kids just the same ages as yours.

Trazzle - it is awful having to make them take horrible medicine or have horrible proceedures done :( My tip is to ask/allow the nursing staff to do as much of the horrible stuff as is possible so that you are Mum not nurse as much as is humanly possible, but when you can't - don't fret, he will remember the Mummy stuff lots more than the nursey stuff x

Does your DH have a good friend he can talk to? If he wants another ear he can post on his own thread here too - we love Dads just as much.

What are DS's favourite things?

I am sending lots of love & lots of strength for you all.

Oh Trazzle you are doing everything you can to make him better, so how could you ever be the worst mother in the world, of course you aren't. Many of us have been in similar positions, it is horrible. You will probably remember it in years to come, but you did it to help him, to give him the best chance possible, out of pure love. But I agree, it feels absolutely horrible and it makes you feel so guilty.

I was also thinking, if you cannot bribe him with food, can you reward him with a toy or stickers? For how long does he need to take this medicine? Is there any possibility to mix it with chocolate petit filous or indeed nutella or flavoured syrup to hide the taste a little or is that not possible/allowed?

You and your Ds are having such a rough time, I wish I could help in any way but don't know how. I hope you get the results soon so at least you don't need to deal with the additional uncertainty and I keep fingers crossed it is good news.

Sending you lots of strength.
x

Please don't beat yourself up Trazzle, you are a fantastic mother doing what you have to do to get ds better. It wasn't a stupid idea, it was worth a try. It's horrible making them take or do something that you know isn't pleasant and they scream. I hope the nurses can do some of the medicine administration for you. Poor ds.

What is the scan for today? Best of luck for the results from yesterday. I hope they show up nothing more. Thinking of you all x

BIWI yay for another sw London splodge!

You are in my thoughts xx

Exactly what Mrs DV says.

And for when you're having a rough time - just a little reminder of all the lights shining for you around the UK and across the world.

Trazzle I'm still lurking, everyone else is saying anything od say much better, but I am still thinking about you and your ds x

Trazzle you are NOT the worst mum. Your a mum who loves her boy dearly. And I'm sure DS knows it and even if he doesn't fully understand he'll know you wouldn't be doing it unless it was necessary.

I hope all went well today at the hospital.

Oh you poor thing xx

{hugs} you are being a fantastic mother who's doing everything in her power to help her son survive something no child should have to endure.

He won't remember the bad stuff, what he will remember is that you were there with him for all the scary stuff. He'll remember the hugs and cuddles and stories and games. He'll remember the love and courage you displayed.

Trazzle, you are doing the best you can and you are the best mum for him. Agree completely with summerrain, he won't remember much save the love and closeness. If he does, it will only be to tease you. Promise. We didn't go through what you are, but I've had to hold Ds down, in and out and on equipment , and he remembers the people who were nice to him.

And children can go for ages without food.

You are doing well. Keep going, cry on us.