Intimate hygiene in girls

[cleanandfresh]

Yeah I know crap title and I apologise in advance for "twee" terms BUT I am genuinely a bit confused about cleaning my little girl's "bits" (and I am calling them bits for brevity's sake rather than getting into labia major and minoria etc...)

So my girl is nearly 3 and she has a bath before bedtime most nights (except Fridays). I know that soap is not a good thing for the intimate regions so I don't get her to soap there but do remind her to "swish her twinkle" (yeah shoot me!) along with swishing her tummy and legs etc.

I have noticed these past few days that she has white, creamy deposits in the folds and around the top of her clitoral hood and wondered whether I should be trying to wash these away. She's been ferreting around this area occasionally and has said "look it's creamy" but it doesn't seem to bother her. The other day she was pretending to be a baby and have her nappy changed so I took the opportunity to get some cotton wool and try to really clean in this area but she really didn't like me doing it and I must admit it didn't feel right.

I guess I worry about thrush but I don't think it is and then I worry about messing about where I should just leave well alone. But then I worry about being too coy and maybe I should be actively encouraging her to "clean" there a bit more. I know on Mumsnet there is a small sector that think any female scent or secretions should be disinfected away and I don't want to fall into that trap - but I do want to keep my daughter healthy and instill a healthy, positive attitude towards her genitalia. I always use the words beautiful and fresh in relation to her body as in my own childhood I was very much given a negative impression of that area of my body.

Mothers of girls please help me out here

And sounds quite familiar, too.

Dont all you troll hunters think that if the op was a troll, then MNHQ would of pulled it by now?

shine, well that's a blessed relief

Weird cos I read this as genuine _ i remember when dd was in nappies I was never QUITE sure if you should delve around unless there was poo in the "folds" of labia etc. By cleaning you are removing natural moisture etc. I don't think I looked inside her labial area after she was out of nappies unless she seemed sore or red. Just assumed washing or swishing generally would be enough
You have reminded me though that I used to say "make sure you have a fiddle with your widdle when you clean round there"
Sounds "wrong" but was very innnocent!

Shineoncrazydiamond - you may be confident you know how to wash your children, but obviously from this thread plenty of other people aren't. What is so wrong with asking?

I read your op and immediately thought troll. It just doesn't seem like a genuine Mumsnet post, sorry.

Its the detail, you see. I am sure that 99.99% of Mumsnetters with the same problem would have posted something like:

"Oy, when washing your girls do you use soap on her undercarriage, or just water? Can little 3 year olds get thrush? Tia"

But all your graphic talk ... its just suspicious.

And yes, why not in your normal posting name?

Wow, can't believe the responses on here. I have daughters and also don't really know how much cleaning they need down there.

No one ever showed me what I should do with my bits so don't know if what I do is good/bad compared to others - its not the sort of thing you ask friends is it?!

Sad thing is that I can't see any of the good advice on here for all the troll hunters.

I don't think it's a troll, and I might have namechanged to ask this too, and I'm a woman!

I lurked for ages before I posted, and knew lots of things about the site and posters. I wanted to get a feel for the site before I did.

I wouldn't and in fact, wasn't sure how to clean DD when I had her, and wouldn't have been if I'd been in the OP's situation. At the time I did have a rl friend to ask, but it's not the case for everyone.

I've had times, and yes, since I've been on here when I've had no rl friends-not because I'm awful, just circumstances.

Some people are embarrassed about posting about intimate things, especially when it comes to their children, and some, I'm sure namechange for everything slightly controversial.

I tend to just come out with it, but it's easy for me to do that now, as I'm fairly sure my name is known and I wouldn't be suspected of being a troll.

Lordy, 7 pages!

I wash my 3yo Dd's bits myself with just plain water. Soap IMO is a no no as it's too harsh and can cause irritation and soreness.

The white stuff you describe is normal and she won't like you cleaning it in the way you've described, as it is a very sensitive area and touching it causes a reaction because of all the nerves ~ even at that age.
If you feel it needs cleaning better, do it yourself with your hand and use aqueous cream as a washing agent just now and again.

Soreeyes to answer your question from last night, it's the combination of twee nicknames for all the various anatomical parts coupled with the use of the correct anatomical terms (albeit one misspelt). Plus the description of where exactly the white deposits are. The OP knows all the correct terms, and types them, and then goes on to use the twee terms apparently out of some sort of embarrassment.... Smacks of prurience.

Why would anyone be examining a 3 year old so minutely unless she had complained of itchiness or difficulty peeing, or unless the OP had noticed unusual redness or signs of irritation? A nappy changing game with a 3 year old sounds dodgy to me too. And even the DH seems to have been examining the 3 yo. They 'both' seem to be way over-focused on their DD's private parts, to the point where the OP overcame her alleged overwhelming reticence with the help of some wine and posted a very detailed post despite herself.

I personally don't see what is so unnerving about asking 'How do you clean your toddler DD's private parts, or do you?', but the OP makes such a song and dance about her own body image, her mortification, questions about other women washing their nether regions, asserting that there is a camp on MN that wants all female scents perfumed away; the whole thing is very hyper-focused on female private parts.

Then there's the division of posters into the two camps, which is usually done by an OP who is stirring things up.

And there's this:
'They obviously have very strong self-belief and therefore are mystified that not EVERYONE knows what a "good wash" means and that any further debate or discussion is strange.'
Anyone woman who has washed herself for 20 years or so really does know what a good wash means, or even a moderately good wash. Anyone who has ever cracked open a baby and childcare book knows that putting your DD in the bath 5/7 days a week will result in a clean enough child, and if there's no indication of infection or soreness or difficulty peeing, then no further debate or discussion is needed. I don't understand why the OP seems to think this is a controversy that needs to rage on for several days, with references in every post to a child's rear end, and some to adults' too.

god, i'm really thoroughly ashamed of all the trollhunters on here right now. what is going on with you people?

I think its quite a coincidence that a random bunch of regular mumsnetters think this is suspicious. No need for you to be ashamed, Aitch. No one is speaking for you. And I addressed the op directly, just to explain why the posts don't ring true to me. You've got to be able to say what you feel! This op isn't in a dangerous or vulnerable position.

F0r crying out gently!!! Are you troll hunters never done? The OP doesn't express herself as YOU see fit. So what? Who made YOU the arbiters of self expression? There are plenty of us on here who don't necessarily KNOW what you all claim to KNOW! Call us fussy or ditherers if you will, and indulge your fantasies of yourselves as "Mother Superiors" but STOP flinging about the "pervert" label. Fifty years ago you'd be the ones in cross-over "pinnies" forever gossiping over the garden wall. Do you all realise that YOU are the ones perpetuating this thread now? So just WHO is "hyper-focused"?

mathanxiety - you're over-thinking this. You really are.

my feelings of shame are perhaps bound up in the fact that i could easily have asked the same question on here and would have been called a paedophile for asking a question about (as i see it) no more and no less than my child's health and wellbeing.

plus, by your reasoning it's more than a coincidence that an even bigger bunch of regular mners thing that it's a perfectly reasonable and un-pervy post. therefore the OP is genuine, therefore you can all retire from your moral highground, surely?

Well said, Aitch!

Right back from party.

Deep breath.

Why do people find it so hard to accept that I namechanged for this because I am slightly embarrassed? And this is the internet - I am not going about in real life disguising myself. I'm just utilising the anonymity that a forum like this can offer. Obviously some people are more suspicious than others and fear the worst whilst others like to give people the benefit of the doubt - just like in real life.

And I don't like someone "scripting" me suitable "Mumsnet speak" a la ""Oy, when washing your girls do you use soap on her undercarriage, or just water? Can little 3 year olds get thrush? Tia"

I find that rather insulting to be honest - we all talk and express ourselves differently. I'll concede that cleanandfresh is a crap name but I didn't want to spend hours thinking of one that would meet with approval or pass some sort of "test" - just wanted to get on with my post (I'd procrastinated long enough)

And shiney thanks for your continuing insults - I am "utterly odd" now to add to the previous "pathetically sad and wierd". All I say to that is take a look at the thread properly and you will see a lot of good advice being shared, admissions that they too felt a bit all at sea and a huge amount of contradiction. And did you see that thread about showering/washing everyday? I don't want to hijack my own thread but it threw up issues about female hygiene that made me think some women were entirely uncomfortable with the natural secretions of the female body. I don't want to pass that on to my own daughter thank you.

It's been an education being on the receiving end of a troll hunt I must say. Absolutely shameful the way some of you seem to be high-fiving each other at having tracked one down.

Mannn are you troll-hunters still at it?...bluddy hell!!!

She asked something fairly normal I personally would not have namechanged but so what?

Answer the question or not.. but it seems strange to make a hoo-hah about practically nothing..

Why, if you have received many good suggestions and advice (all of which you could have found in a childcare book btw) are you continuing to harp on about the matter?

i do not own a single childcare book, and i would ALWAYS ask MN this sort of thing rather than just google. wtf, this whole site goes down if it has to be the only place the information is available. it's an utterly barmy point to make.