OK - so I am back. Was busy this morning with my family. Am heartened that some people feel they can advise each other on this thread and I don't feel such a klutz as I can see other women are a bit hesitant over the right approach to take (conflicting advice about soap or no soap). I also have a son and found it a bit easier to find info about cleaning him - bit more standard to find info on the net about the foreskin issue (pull back or leave well alone!)
As I said before, I prefer to be quite anonymous on Mumsnet and find that liberating. I am not a confrontational person in real-life and often find I come up with my witty retorts a few hours later. I too like to Mumsnet later in the evening when I can formulate my answers or even just spend a more concentrated time lurking on interesting threads and not necessarily contributing to them. I have phases when I post and phases when I just lurk. I don't think that's particularly odd or off. I personally am not interested in developing a recognisable Mumsnet presence but enjoy many posts of those people that do.
I think there have been 3 main types of posts on this thread. The most alarming to me being the paedo-troll screamer as in:
"...the OP has a weird turn of phrase...it does not even sound like a woman...far too scientific...phrases lifted out of books. Mother are instinctive and the majority on here agree that the OP is a perve."
The second type is the rather snide, unhelpful, dismissive type that actually might WANT to scream "troll" but are holding back... for now, as in:
"88 posts and all that needs to be said is ' good wash - and pop to drs if you suspect thrush! "
They obviously have very strong self-belief and therefore are mystified that not EVERYONE knows what a "good wash" means and that any further debate or discussion is strange.
That to me winds me up more than the ones who call paedo because at least they are pegging their colours to the mast and might have genuine and sad reasons to be so sensitive to this issue.
The last type of post are the ones from people who have taken the time to post helpful responses and have also communicated their own slight confusion/awkwardness/hesitation regarding the issue:
"you know OP, i do also know what you mean about cleaning a young girl down there/applying sudocreme or whatever feeling peculiar. not because, OBVIOUSLY,it is anything to do with sex, but because i want her to have very clear boundaries and don't want anyone touching her there without her permission etc. but then to whom would she give permission, she's only very wee, doesn't have any adult understanding of what might happen. so then i feel like i'm over-reacting and then get myself embroiled in a torturous convo with her about who exactly is allowed to touch her down there... oh lord, and then you don't know if you just should never have said anything in the first place... it's just a bit of a minefield i think"
Thanks to Aitch for that last example and thanks to theLibster for your advice and support throughout the thread and thanks to the many of you who have also posted useful advice.
I think that I shan't be overzealous in the cleaning and won't use soap unless there is a large build up and if she starts itching like crazy then I will of course be taking her down the Doctors! Good tip about keeping the nails short and glad to read that a certain amount of deposit down there is normal.