Intimate hygiene in girls

[cleanandfresh]

Yeah I know crap title and I apologise in advance for "twee" terms BUT I am genuinely a bit confused about cleaning my little girl's "bits" (and I am calling them bits for brevity's sake rather than getting into labia major and minoria etc...)

So my girl is nearly 3 and she has a bath before bedtime most nights (except Fridays). I know that soap is not a good thing for the intimate regions so I don't get her to soap there but do remind her to "swish her twinkle" (yeah shoot me!) along with swishing her tummy and legs etc.

I have noticed these past few days that she has white, creamy deposits in the folds and around the top of her clitoral hood and wondered whether I should be trying to wash these away. She's been ferreting around this area occasionally and has said "look it's creamy" but it doesn't seem to bother her. The other day she was pretending to be a baby and have her nappy changed so I took the opportunity to get some cotton wool and try to really clean in this area but she really didn't like me doing it and I must admit it didn't feel right.

I guess I worry about thrush but I don't think it is and then I worry about messing about where I should just leave well alone. But then I worry about being too coy and maybe I should be actively encouraging her to "clean" there a bit more. I know on Mumsnet there is a small sector that think any female scent or secretions should be disinfected away and I don't want to fall into that trap - but I do want to keep my daughter healthy and instill a healthy, positive attitude towards her genitalia. I always use the words beautiful and fresh in relation to her body as in my own childhood I was very much given a negative impression of that area of my body.

Mothers of girls please help me out here

ShanahansRevenge in the OP she states in my own childhood I was very much given a negative impression of that area of my body. As one who also endured having it drummed into me as a small child that that area of my body was "dirty, smelly and not to be touched or talked about" I can absolutely understand that she is desperate not to give her DD the same hang ups she was saddled with whilst at the same time insuring that the child is healthy. OK, I'm not saying that perverts don't exist and that they never come onto MN and you can call me naive if you like but I just don't see anything particularly sinister about someone who wants to ask advice about such an intimate matter and, because of her history, is unsure/uncomfortable about how to talk about it that's all.

Oh, trust me, it has nothing to do with the subject matter and all with your very strange way of posting.

Not going to reveal your regular nickname, then?

Booyohoo - I haven't got the balls to post my real name. I could do it now and then when I woke up tomorrow morning I know that I would be absolutely mortified. I have always liked the anonymity of Mumsnet - I feel I can discuss things and ask things that I would never have the guts to ask in real life. I find it hard to understand people that want to meet up in real life (unless they know they live nearby each other and have obviously clicked) I see internet forums as a real gift in the sense that they allow people to ask the questions and get the answers that they wouldn't get in day to day life.

I know that this isn't how everyone views these forums but I know that this is how I view them. I hope you can tell that I feel a little bit ashamed of my own ignorance on this issue. So many of you seem to feel very certain and confident about it - I DON"T. So that makes me feel that I might have an issue with this stuff. My greatest desire is for my daughter to feel proud and uninhibited and I am on here to try and do the right thing. I don't want to be over zealously "cleaning" somewhere so that she thinks it must be especially "dirty". I want to give her the right messages. That's all.

no, if you are genuine. you have nothing to be mortified about. it is a genuine concern and you are asking for advice. why would you be mortified about that. is your reg name not anonymous? even if it isn't you can change back to it for tonight so we know you are genuine and then change it completely after that if you really are so embarassed by asking this question. (not that i think you should be if genuine)

I think a lot of the replies on here are incredibly sad. I'm not a mother of a girl so can't offer any advice I'm afraid but would hope that people who felt they could help would do so. If some people think this isn't a genuine post I really don't understand why they are on this thread claiming the OP is a pervert. Just move to another thread. Also slightly offended by the accusation of being naive to believe this. I'm a mum of 2 young boys and have actually been thinking about asking advice about foreskin cleaning (their dad is circumcised so as clueless as me!) but after the response to this post I think I'll look elsewhere for advice

DandyLioness I don't think that it is particularly inconsistent but it does "sound American" as a previous poster observed.

Wow! This is incredibly sad. Soreeyes - thanks for your post and good luck for looking for advice about your own DSs - you SHOULD be able to get that advice on here and I am sure you would but you would just have to ignore the type of posts I have had just had. Apparently I do not "even sound like a woman... far too scientific" - shit! There's this prejudice that when we become mothers we have this wonderful "instinct" and we don't have to ask. Is this the same instinct that makes women know intuitively how to use a washing machine and allows men to throw their clothes on teh floor and have them magically appear cleaned and ironed? Jeeeez.

Thelibster - once again for understanding perfectly what and why I am asking.

Booyhoo - I have explained why I don't want to give my normal posting name. I know people on here in RL and I have already admitted that I would be embarassed to have this conversation.

I said I wasn't angry before but I am getting that way now especially at a comment like:

"Mother are instinctive and the majority on here agree that the OP is a perve".

I am being really honest here, but I don't know how I would word the OP differently in terms of being "far too scientific" as ShanahansRevenge said. Maybe it's because I don't have girls but I'm not sure what other terms I would use. If I was talking about my boys I would use medical terms like foreskin and smegma (if that was the case). And I suppose I would post on here about these things in the hope I would get "real-life" advice rather than googling for a strictly medical answer. Maybe I'm being completely naive (it's late and I'm pretty tired!) and the OP is a pervert but it does make me question whether I would post a genuine query on this site for fear of the reaction I would get

For what it's worth I think this is a genuine post. I have a similar feeling to the OP in that I like the anonymous nature of MN and don't feel I should have to let people get to "know me" before I can ask things and should have to reveal myself

Am totally with soreeyes, I mum to one DS and very little clue about cleaning him.

As for little girls, when I have seen my friends changing their daughters, their intimate regions do not resemble anything that I remember having. And there seems to be the assumption that all women use soap. No way unless I want to be scratching away all day.

I don't see how if the OP is a pervert that she could possibly get off on people saying either:
-use soap
-get on with it and scrub her yourself
-keep calm and carry on
-go to the doctor
?

As for the wierd turn of phrases, it reads to me that the OP has been "crafting" her posts to pose what she feels is a very difficult question, and then has to deal with accusations of trollery. She thought it was going to difficult cause everyone would go to go "god how could you be so clueless" then she blooming gets accused of being a pervert.

Why bother using mumsnet at all? Why don't we just google every dilemma that comes up and not bother seeking advice from experienced mums, the kind of advice we'd ideally get from our mothers but in the OPs case she clearly didn't.

OP sorry if I have made any assumptions about you - I just cannot believe the attack you're under. Good luck with getting some advice. Don't Health Visitors notionally look after children until 5? Maybe that would be a good place to try.

ShanahansRevenge - fantastic - please show me the google sites that answer my initial question. Because believe me I had a tentative try to look for answers but you try googling this issue and report back! Plenty of sites about adult thrush, plenty of sites about caring for your baby's delicate bits and nappy rash and NOTHING about this very particular issue. Maybe I could have tried harder but I was worried that I would throw up all sorts of sites and hits that I really wouldn't want to visit.

Going to bed now but will be back tomorrow and hoping for some useful input. Maybe it's too late at night and we're all a bit overwrought and tired. Hope we can have more constructive discussion tomorrow.

ShanahansRevenge OK I'm a woman and I have to admit that I would be confused in the OP's position. I don't remember seeing anything like what the OP describes on either of my daughters when they were little and the only time I have had anything like it myself I did indeed have thrush; so I suppose that's why I'm taking it seriously. I'm happy to direct anyone here to my fb profile to prove that I am genuine in case anyone is now suspicious of me and then maybe to OP could do the same to me through private message and I could then reassure everyone that she is genuine?

God I've missed out a couple of verbs in that post. Definitely suspicious behaviour.

fwiw. i have no idea whether at 3 years of age i was washed with soap or not and i have no idea whether i had white secretions on my labia. so as a mother i too would be unsure if this was normal. i don't think that makes me a perv.

ProcessYellowC - yes I know I said I was going to bed but just spotted your post - have to say that I have "crafted" my posts very carefully - I'm guilty of that in real life too and find it hard to be "off-the-cuff" - prefer to step back and think through my answers and questions. Not that it's done me a lot of good on this thread though! Haven't been in touch with my health visitors for a while - might be worth a shot. Was kind of hoping that I'd get a more useful non-medicalised input of opinion on here though.

This thread has proved that this whole issue is very, very "delicate".

nothing on here i think indicates troll... i really think the troll hunters should be ashamed of themselves tbh.

well anyway cleanandfresh it's very hard, having been accused of basically being a paedophile, to retain that freewheelin' literary style. it makes one rather self-conscious, i imagine.

wash between the flaps and encourage DD to do so...they do get a white/cream dischargey thing tis normal...

Hell I have to craft all my posts too. That's why my posts are so few and far between, I find it frustrating that half a page fills up between me starting and ending a post.

I'd love to just fire out pithy comments off-the-cuff, perhaps like the lady above me. If 16 people haven't jumped in already.

OK, so I did mean Aitch, no offence mumcentreplus.

None taken!

at all the trollhunters - I think the OP is genuine and doesn't sound like a pervert.