Life feels unimportant

[LouLo72]

Does anyone else feel that a life without children is unimportant?

Been told before that “you’ll never know love until you’ve had a child”.

Well, I don’t have children (through choice) but it’s becoming more apparent that it’s the most important and amazing thing to do, which leads me to believe my life isn’t worth much.

Rubbish. Of course your life is worth something, you have been given it haven’t you? There’s plenty of childless people who have lived fulfilling lives where they have benefitted others and brought something to the world. Having kids is only way of living a fulfilling life.

I’m happily childfree & I’ve seen that line too. It’s bollocks.

I dont think it's necessary for a life to be important or have meaning (whether that's children or religion) (as it happens I'm another atheist who happily doesn't have children).

That said, my life is very important to me😂

I want to get the best out of it I can. What this means in practice has changed according to the period of my life and my priorities. Currently Im enjoying simple pleasures and trying to have a positive impact on the world in little ways. I dont really care if anyone else thinks I should be doing more or better.

Are you genuinely ambivalent? You said you’re childless by choice but also it’s becoming more apparent that it’s the most important and amazing thing to do. Are you changing your mind?

If it’s your choice to be childless then having kids probably wouldn’t work out amazing for you, you’d be more likely to fall into the resentful and highly stressed camp who miss their freedom and feel constantly burdened by their kids neediness.

Queen Elizabeth I, Joan of Arc, Rosa Parks, Jane Austen...none of these women had children. Something to think about maybe.

Out of interest why did you choose not to have children?

Assume you’re being sarcastic! Having children is not better than not having them. Enjoy the lovely freedom of a childfree life. The savings, the sleep, the independence and the choices.

I completely disagree, OP. Life is as important as we choose to make it (I'm not sure why it needs to be "important" at all, but that's a separate issue). Presumably whatever is and whoever are in your life do matter to you? That's all you need. And even if you did have kids, there's much more to life than breeding the next generation!

"Does anyone else feel that a life without children is unimportant?"

No.

If this is your view then you think of life as a pyramid scheme (which would mean your life wouldn't be important if you had kids either).

I chose not to have children and I'm too old now to reconsider! My life is very important

I have an adult child and I don’t agree with that statement in any way at all!! I know plenty of child free people whose lives are as rich and meaningful, if not more so, than any number of parents I know.

It's up to all of us to find meaning in our lives. I do have DC, but honestly it's important to me to have meaning in my life aside from being a parent. If your life feels meaningless, I suggest you think why that is and seek to remedy it. There are many ways of being a valuable citizen and a contributing member of society. Having DC is one way, but there are many others.

I wouldn't admit this other than anonymously but I think for most people children give life more meaning and focus. And that their dependence on a parent means a lot, wasn't there an f1 driver who won on a dangerous overtake and afterwards said that he knew the other driver would brake first because the other driver had children and the winner didnt, implying that the other driver wasn't able to risk his life in the same way because he had children to stay alive for. Obviously for some very driven and successful people children would probably have held them back but for the majority I think they make a big difference.

I think my feelings have been changing recently, I’m almost 43 so I put some of it down to hormones.

I was childfree for almost 40 years before having a child, and I can assure you that my life is precisely as important now as I was before I had DS. Or unimportant.

Your life is (within reason) what you make it. I am child free and disabled, but have saved a life, improved lives and supported friends and strangers in a myriad of ways. Would you consider that less important than birthing one or two individuals?

Thank you all, I think I need perspective. Getting lost in it all due to a lot of pregnancies (family and friends) and I’m feeling the FOMO!

"I think for most people children give life more meaning and focus."

Many people already have sufficient meaning and focus within themselves and don't need it from external sources.

No to your question. I also actually think it's unfair to children who are put into the world to make other people's lives meaningful.

It's up to everyone to make their own life meaningful. No one else will be able to do that for us.

I’m sure another parent posted on the MNers without children board recently about people without kids having less reason to stay alive, too, @Threesmycrowd. God knows why anyone thinks it’s an appropriate comment in this context.

OP, it does sound like you might be having the Hormonal Wobble. I used to know someone who had that & decided to wait & see if it stopped. Much to her relief, it did.

Having children doesn't magically add importance or value to life. On the contrary, if you are someone to whom questions of life's value occur, adding children into the equation adds a whole new level of doubt and horror. Not only do you have the possible valuelessness of your own life to contend with, you also have the horror of having subjected other, unconsenting, beings to this valueless life.

If something is valueless, more of it isn't less valueless.

The truth is, that value and meaning come from yourself, if at all. And you can as likely find it in photography, or nursing, or friendship (or whatever) as in parenthood.

What do you feel would make your life important?

This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

Philip Larkin

Yup, this. At no point have I felt that I, or my life, is unimportant because I didn’t have kids.

I don't think anyone's life is particularly important or valuable in the grand scheme of things.

The whole existence of the human race is pretty much irrelevant in the context of the history of the universe.