Dating a single dad - advice needed/rant

[Lauramartin1990]

I’m recently engaged to a wonderful guy who is an amazing father to 3 children aged 5-12.

i’ve not met the kids yet because the mother apparently needs to agree to it which is kind of making me feel a bit rubbish. She has the kids Sunday evening - Thursday. He then collects the kids from school Thursday afternoon to Sunday evening.

how can we pursue our marriage and having a child of our own if he’s having to keep me and the kids separate?

I am 35, no kids myself and didn’t want them until I met him. But I’m 100% committed to him and playing whatever role I need to in his kids lives.

I don’t want to push him about it but I also don’t want to constantly feel that my feelings don’t matter.

has anyone else been in a similar position? Please tell me it gets better and easier? Surely his ex can’t hold all the cards on our future?

How do you know he’s an amazing dad when you’ve not met his children and haven’t seen him around them? What sort of amazing father proposes to a woman who hasn’t met his children?
idk how long you’ve been together but this screams disaster. You should have been slowly introduced to them and have become a solid part of their lives before even thinking about marriage. I wouldn’t bank on this lasting.

Yes because it's not a real post, just a wind up

Pay attention to the way in which your fiancée is treating his children. Getting engaged to a woman they have never meet is unforgivable and dangerous. This man is not a good parent.

Yes me.. The ex told boy friend he's not allowed to let me see their daughter.. Or you won't see the child.. Holding a gun to his head.
1 year later I did meet the little girl and we had hell from his ex for yrs.
We got married and had a baby.
She was so upset she got my husband family against us. Telling them alsorts of lies.
5yrs later we moved out of the city to get away from his ex and husbands family..
We almost cracked up.
You have to be so strong in all this. Believe me ex wife's can cause hell in hell hole.
Jealous people can become so ugly.
So think about what you want out of this.
Can you handle a ex that will be in your life's hen pecking your heads.
She will move on with a new partner but your boy friend is not allowed to.

there are no kids, lol, this is today’s Zen Koan

I actually don't think it's that mad to get engaged to someone before you have introduced them to your kids. Engagement isn't marriage, it's an agreement of an intention to marry.

At this point they both know they are serious, so this is the time for OP to meet the kids, start becoming (to an extent) part of their lives, seeing if that works for everyone involved.

It makes perfect sense to me. There was no need to introduce her to them until they were both certain this was a relationship they wanted to make permanent.

I think what's important, OP, is what happens now. This is the point he needs to stand up to his ex if necessary and explain to her that it is his choice, that this is a serious committed relationship and therefore it is time to introduce you to them.

As long as you aren't setting a date for a good whole, I don't think the engagement is necessarily a problem.

Of course, if he doesn't introduce you even now you are engaged, that's when you know something is wrong.

Good luck!

Sadly and kindly, OP, I think this pretty well sums it up.

You’re committing to a future when you don’t really know what it’s going to look like. And I mean the bits that you are able to see, not the future unknowns.

You say he’s an amazing dad. With all due respect, how would you actually know this?

Please don’t get pregnant.

100% how can you plan to marry a man when you’ve never met his children? What if you can’t stand them!

So you've never met and spent time with the kids and you never see him at the weekend, but are engaged? You must know this is a bit bonkers?
As for not meeting them, the ex may not like it, but she can't stop it happening.

Who the hell gets engaged to a man with 3 kids they haven't even met?
The stupidity of this situation knows no bounds.
There's over a billion men on the planet, go and find a different one.

Hold up.... How are you engaged if you haven't met his kids?
How long have you been together?
Does he even want more kids?
Is he officially divorced?

How can anyone offer you advice if you haven't provided the basics.

FYI When I was 25/26 I starting dating a man who came with two kids (6 & 9) They spent their time 50/50 between parent's houses. I met the boys after 5 months of dating and moved in about 6 months after that. The difference is I knew I didn't want to have any biological children whereas you do. I don't know if I'd have entertained the idea of getting with someone with children if I had wanted my own as I find those blended family situations are often messy.

We have now been married 4 years. My stepsons are 15 and 18 and have lived with us the majority for the past few years. So it can all work out very well.

The ex wife situation becomes less of a nuisance when the children get older. Of course it depends how much of a fruitcake she is.

There are only 3 years left and DH won't have to hear from her again🙌

But it sounds like your DP is the problem here rather than his ex.....

How long have you been together? How/why are you engaged when you haven’t met his children? That’s aVERY big aspect of his life, and tbh, yours if you were to get married. Seems irresponsible and thoughtless imo.

Forgive me for not reading past the first line before responding but...

Engaged, and you've not yet met the kids? What!?

Same thoughts.

Lmao. What nonsense.

Right ?!