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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Anyone else sometimes get a wave of relief that they don’t have children?

465 replies

knowifIcando · 08/06/2025 17:05

I’m in my late 30s and have known I think for a long time that I didn’t want kids. I’ve never really actively thought about it although now and then wonder if I’ll regret it.

And then I have moments like today. I’ve been at my sister’s house and my nieces are lovely, gorgeous kids but then she started talking to them about how they had to get their uniforms sorted for school, get the homework done and have baths and I felt such a feeling of relief that I had decided not to have them and could return to my peaceful home.

OP posts:
Neurodiversitydoctor · 14/06/2025 11:53

Greenfields20 · 14/06/2025 11:48

The doctor will get bored soon. I dont know what she is hoping to achieve with her posts anyway. There have been a few questions put back on her which she has chosen not to answer or can't answer.

Which questions ?

Neurodiversitydoctor · 14/06/2025 11:56

KimberleyClark · 14/06/2025 10:48

Not having children is a source of joy to child free people yet we get accused of being gloating and insensitive if we say so.

and that is wrong. I think we should all respect each other's choices. The points PP made about schools, peak time holidays and soft play are very valid IMO total PITA. However none of it is forever my DCs are nearly grown and flown we are having 10 days in September for our 20th wedding anniversary and I can't wait.

Greenfields20 · 14/06/2025 12:02

Neurodiversitydoctor · 14/06/2025 11:56

and that is wrong. I think we should all respect each other's choices. The points PP made about schools, peak time holidays and soft play are very valid IMO total PITA. However none of it is forever my DCs are nearly grown and flown we are having 10 days in September for our 20th wedding anniversary and I can't wait.

But what are you hoping to achieve with these sorts of statements? Everyone knows certain stages of a child's development are not permanent. It doesnt change their desire not to have children. Are you thinking by making these statements your somehow going to change people's minds?

Neurodiversitydoctor · 14/06/2025 12:07

I think the Dr in me want people to make an informed choice.

Greenfields20 · 14/06/2025 12:11

Neurodiversitydoctor · 14/06/2025 12:07

I think the Dr in me want people to make an informed choice.

Your far from being a doctor! Just go away, theres no one here that needs to be reminded that kids are only kids for 16 years. We have all made informed decisions. Or indeed for those who had the decision made for them they have now come to accept it and are happy. Your not going to change anything here.

IHateWasps · 14/06/2025 12:14

Neurodiversitydoctor · 14/06/2025 12:07

I think the Dr in me want people to make an informed choice.

We are making an informed choice. We know that these stages don’t last forever(Though they can certainly last for a lot longer if you have a child with severe SN). You’re not enlightening us. You’re patronising us. We know all of this. It still doesn’t mean that we want to experience it whether it lasts 5 minutes or 5 years.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 14/06/2025 12:15

Greenfields20 · 14/06/2025 12:11

Your far from being a doctor! Just go away, theres no one here that needs to be reminded that kids are only kids for 16 years. We have all made informed decisions. Or indeed for those who had the decision made for them they have now come to accept it and are happy. Your not going to change anything here.

If you say so. Bye then

GiveMeWordGames · 14/06/2025 12:18

I think there should be a new term. Parentsplaining.

"They don't stay screaming babies/tantrumming toddlers/sulky teenagers forever you know"

REALLY? GOSH. AMAZING I NEVER KNEW THAT! 🙄🤣

Also I do not care how short/long/indeterminate/neverending each phase lasts. Simply because I don't need to care. It's nothing to do with me and never will be and that's wonderful in itself. Wave of relief indeed.

KimberleyClark · 14/06/2025 13:12

Then there's holidays. I get the impression they are shit with babies and young children, great when they're out of nappies and before the onset of attitude, shit again with teens because they're bored and complaining all the time and can't be pried away from their phones. And after that they don't want to go on holiday with you anymore. I'm bloody glad I can just go with DH, whenever we want, wherever we want, for as long as we want, doing whatever the hell we want. I'm standing by for the tidal wave of patronising replies to this.

VenusStarr · 14/06/2025 13:38

Oh yes @KimberleyClark holidays 🥰 we did a European city earlier in the year then hoping for a sunny break in a couple of months. And the freedom to do a last minute night away. Or go to another city for a gig.

It's interesting because my sister has a 13 and a 9 year old and holidays do not sound relaxing for them. They actually came home early from their most recent UK break because the kids wanted to come home. None of the family said they'd enjoyed the break.

sammylady37 · 15/06/2025 08:12

GiveMeWordGames · 14/06/2025 12:18

I think there should be a new term. Parentsplaining.

"They don't stay screaming babies/tantrumming toddlers/sulky teenagers forever you know"

REALLY? GOSH. AMAZING I NEVER KNEW THAT! 🙄🤣

Also I do not care how short/long/indeterminate/neverending each phase lasts. Simply because I don't need to care. It's nothing to do with me and never will be and that's wonderful in itself. Wave of relief indeed.

Edited

Imagine thinking people need to be told that children grow and age… ‘parentsplaining’ is exactly the term for it.

sammylady37 · 15/06/2025 08:16

I’m one of those who never had to make a decision about remaining childfree, it just was never a consideration for me. Similar to how I never had to actively decide not to join the circus, or become a nightclub promoter in Ibiza or adopt 15 cats. (And for the perpetually-offended parents reading this, no, I’m not comparing children to cats or nightclubs) It never crossed my mind as a serious option for me. And I have never once regretted that, nor once seen or heard anything that gave me pause for thought or left me in any way wistful or wondering about my life. Au contraire, I’ve seen plenty that’s left me very thankful and grateful that my life is the way it is.

EmpressaurusKitty · 15/06/2025 08:35

I have very good reasons for not having adopted 15 cats.

a) My cat likes being solo
b) I’m in a one bedroom flat
c) I couldn’t afford the insurance

And if I was richer & lived in a big house with a lot of outdoor space, I might rethink.

But I never even got as far as practical considerations with the question of kids - it just never came up in my head as a serious question.

Bridport · 15/06/2025 10:11

"They don't stay screaming babies/tantrumming toddlers/sulky teenagers forever you know"

No, then they become parents and before you know there is the expectation that you will look after their screaming babies/tantrumming toddlers/sulky teenagers.

Never wanted kids. Never had them. Always so grateful that I didn't but never more so than now I'm much older (and the ship has well sailed). Now I'm watching my contemporaries complain about the expectation and pressure put on them to look after grandchildren...overnight stays, three day a week childcare. Honestly, it looks like hell.

My two closest women friends have 6 children and 10 grandchildren between them.
They have been devoted and loving parents but they both say if they could have their time over they would not have children.

Greenfields20 · 15/06/2025 15:03

EmpressaurusKitty · 15/06/2025 08:35

I have very good reasons for not having adopted 15 cats.

a) My cat likes being solo
b) I’m in a one bedroom flat
c) I couldn’t afford the insurance

And if I was richer & lived in a big house with a lot of outdoor space, I might rethink.

But I never even got as far as practical considerations with the question of kids - it just never came up in my head as a serious question.

That's similar with me. Over the years when I've wondered about having a pet I have thought of the pros and cons and so far I've decided not to go ahead with a pet as I like last minute trips away too much, but with kids there was just never any thought about it in my mind other than I have no desire to have children.

BeckyAMumsnet · 16/06/2025 15:43

Hi all. Thanks to those who got in touch. We're stepping in with a few thoughts on this thread and the wider issues it’s raised.

We created this board in response to user demand. It's a space for people who don’t have children whether by choice, chance or circumstance to talk about their experiences, share support, and connect with others. As with many of our boards, it reflects the diversity of our users. You don't need to be a parent to join in on Mumsnet, as the huge range of topics attest.

As many of you will know, threads from this board do appear in Active conversations, and we’ve seen that this can sometimes cause confusion or friction particularly when a thread touches on something emotionally charged as this one seems to have done. We want to acknowledge clearly that yes, sometimes posters do arrive here with provocative or dismissive comments. That’s upsetting, and it can be exhausting for those who post here regularly and in good faith. We absolutely see that, and when it happens, you’re well within your rights to report the post and expect us to take action. We will step in on posters who derail threads or deliberately disrupt the tone of the board.

At the same time, we’d hope for a bit of generosity and understanding where possible. Not everyone who stumbles into a space like this from Active is goady - and there are better ways to respond to someone unfamiliar with the board than immediately chasing them off. Mumsnet is open to everyone who wants to be here, and while we can’t (and won’t) gatekeep by life stage or parental status, we do ask all posters to engage in good faith and to consider the board's context before jumping in.

It’s not unreasonable for someone to ask questions but what may go a long way in some cases is just a moment of calm explanation. A post like, “This board is for MNers without children, that might explain the tone,” could really help to diffuse tension early on. If a poster continues to derail then report them to us.

We know some users feel strongly that this board shouldn’t appear in Active. We do understand that view but we’re also mindful that removing it would make the board less visible and less used, and risks sidelining a group of posters who already have fewer spaces to talk freely. It’s not a decision we’d take lightly, but it’s something we’ll keep reflecting on at MNHQ.

In the meantime, please report posts that feel off, rather than engaging in hostilities and if you’ve arrived on a thread via Active, take a moment to check which board you’re on. And wherever you're posting, please remember that disagreement is fine, but personal attacks, pile-ons and goading are not. Thanks, all.

BlingLoving · 16/06/2025 15:55

I think its great you're trying to clarify but...

A post like, “This board is for MNers without children, that might explain the tone,” could really help to diffuse tension early on. If a poster continues to derail then report them to us.

There were LOTS of posts like this in the first few pages. That often led to posters responding aggressively that they could comment wherever they like etc.

RJ2025 · 16/06/2025 16:04

BeckyAMumsnet · 16/06/2025 15:43

Hi all. Thanks to those who got in touch. We're stepping in with a few thoughts on this thread and the wider issues it’s raised.

We created this board in response to user demand. It's a space for people who don’t have children whether by choice, chance or circumstance to talk about their experiences, share support, and connect with others. As with many of our boards, it reflects the diversity of our users. You don't need to be a parent to join in on Mumsnet, as the huge range of topics attest.

As many of you will know, threads from this board do appear in Active conversations, and we’ve seen that this can sometimes cause confusion or friction particularly when a thread touches on something emotionally charged as this one seems to have done. We want to acknowledge clearly that yes, sometimes posters do arrive here with provocative or dismissive comments. That’s upsetting, and it can be exhausting for those who post here regularly and in good faith. We absolutely see that, and when it happens, you’re well within your rights to report the post and expect us to take action. We will step in on posters who derail threads or deliberately disrupt the tone of the board.

At the same time, we’d hope for a bit of generosity and understanding where possible. Not everyone who stumbles into a space like this from Active is goady - and there are better ways to respond to someone unfamiliar with the board than immediately chasing them off. Mumsnet is open to everyone who wants to be here, and while we can’t (and won’t) gatekeep by life stage or parental status, we do ask all posters to engage in good faith and to consider the board's context before jumping in.

It’s not unreasonable for someone to ask questions but what may go a long way in some cases is just a moment of calm explanation. A post like, “This board is for MNers without children, that might explain the tone,” could really help to diffuse tension early on. If a poster continues to derail then report them to us.

We know some users feel strongly that this board shouldn’t appear in Active. We do understand that view but we’re also mindful that removing it would make the board less visible and less used, and risks sidelining a group of posters who already have fewer spaces to talk freely. It’s not a decision we’d take lightly, but it’s something we’ll keep reflecting on at MNHQ.

In the meantime, please report posts that feel off, rather than engaging in hostilities and if you’ve arrived on a thread via Active, take a moment to check which board you’re on. And wherever you're posting, please remember that disagreement is fine, but personal attacks, pile-ons and goading are not. Thanks, all.

Thank you for listening to my concerns 👍

Greenfields20 · 16/06/2025 16:20

BlingLoving · 16/06/2025 15:55

I think its great you're trying to clarify but...

A post like, “This board is for MNers without children, that might explain the tone,” could really help to diffuse tension early on. If a poster continues to derail then report them to us.

There were LOTS of posts like this in the first few pages. That often led to posters responding aggressively that they could comment wherever they like etc.

Exactly. Luckily all seemed to get sorted in the end 😊

ruethewhirl · 16/06/2025 17:19

SunflowersandSangria · 12/06/2025 08:54

I would yes

Bloody hell, the arrogance of some of your posts on this thread absolutely beggars belief.

ruethewhirl · 16/06/2025 17:21

Neurodiversitydoctor · 14/06/2025 11:56

and that is wrong. I think we should all respect each other's choices. The points PP made about schools, peak time holidays and soft play are very valid IMO total PITA. However none of it is forever my DCs are nearly grown and flown we are having 10 days in September for our 20th wedding anniversary and I can't wait.

You've had to wait 20 years to get a DC-free holiday?I think you've just made a lot of us feel very validated right there...

(in our choices I mean)

EmpressaurusKitty · 16/06/2025 17:45

@ruethewhirl they’ve both stopped posting on here now. I think.

MsDDxx · 16/06/2025 22:57

FlightCommanderPRJohnson · 10/06/2025 07:45

Every time I hear a child having a tantrum or whining, or running about screaming and shouting, I feel glad I don't have one. The noise drives me mad even for a short period, for example, on public transport, so I console myself by thinking at least I don't have to live with it.

Also when I see parents having to hump buggies and prams around in awkward places, along with bags full of presumably nappies and things. I hate having to go out with more than one bag, even if my extra is only a small rucksack or suitcase - having to carry children's paraphernalia would send me up the wall. I hasten to add before I sound selfish, I always offer to help anyone struggling on their own with a pram on stairs or other awkward places!

I used to think like this before I had a child. I despised children until I hit 30 and biology took control of me 😂.

All those things you have described ARE really annoying, but when you’re in it, it’s really not as bad as you think it is. You’ve only described the bad bits - the good bits about being a parent far outweigh any of those - by a million miles. You wouldn’t know unless you’re been a parent yourself, but it’s really NOT the bad experience you’ve painted it to be.

EmpressaurusKitty · 17/06/2025 02:05

MsDDxx · 16/06/2025 22:57

I used to think like this before I had a child. I despised children until I hit 30 and biology took control of me 😂.

All those things you have described ARE really annoying, but when you’re in it, it’s really not as bad as you think it is. You’ve only described the bad bits - the good bits about being a parent far outweigh any of those - by a million miles. You wouldn’t know unless you’re been a parent yourself, but it’s really NOT the bad experience you’ve painted it to be.

Edited

Have you read the thread, where parents have kept telling us that & most posters have found them pretty irritating, to the extent that MNHQ got involved?

To quote @BeckyAMumsnet upthread, “This board is for MNers without children, that might explain the tone”.

Greenfields20 · 17/06/2025 06:25

MsDDxx · 16/06/2025 22:57

I used to think like this before I had a child. I despised children until I hit 30 and biology took control of me 😂.

All those things you have described ARE really annoying, but when you’re in it, it’s really not as bad as you think it is. You’ve only described the bad bits - the good bits about being a parent far outweigh any of those - by a million miles. You wouldn’t know unless you’re been a parent yourself, but it’s really NOT the bad experience you’ve painted it to be.

Edited

Of course there are plenty of people who love being parents. I know plenty. You can just tell it so rewarding for them, that they wouldnt have it any other way, that they wouldnt change it. But for many people it's not even a case of disliking children as you described, it's just wishing to choose a different path in life, no desire at all to be a mother, to appreciate the things in life that dont involve being a parent. Most of the time it's quite hard to even describe the feeling.

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