Bit harsh or am I being oversensitive?

[dentsdubonheur]

So, I went with my mum to church yesterday as they have a Mothering Sunday service where they hand out little posies of flowers to the mothers. I haven't always managed to make it with my mum in previous years so I thought it important to try and go this year.

Towards the end of the service, a couple of ladies were walking through the church handing out the posies, and they gave one to my mum and one to me.

Well, my mum grabbed the posy I was holding (which I wasn't intending on keeping hold of anyway) and saying rather loudly 'You're not a mum yet so pass that onto the lady behind you.'

Firstly, there's no 'yet' about it - I'm 42 and single, I'm unlikely to ever have children at this stage and I thought she understood that by now.

Secondly, did she really have to grab the posy off me and make that comment? There were more than enough of them to go round everyone but it was almost like she felt I didn't even deserve it.

I muttered something under my breath along the lines of 'thanks for reminding me of that, but I am a cat mum!'

I just felt that was a bit harsh - and it makes me sad that my mum is still looking at me as someone who has yet to achieve that all-important goal of motherhood. I'm trying to make peace with not having children and her comment just made me question everything.

Anyway, not really sure what I'm looking for in terms of a response (both from her and my fellow child-free mumsnetters), but it just made me have a bit of a wobble. 😥

Also a cat mum.

Yawn. What’s it to you exactly?

Let’s all the dog and cat mums all stand up. ;)

TBH OP I think that often mothers have a way of doing things and almost still treating us like children.My mother does it and it drives me to distraction. She mostly means well but she can’t bear to not be in charge. My sister just tells her to shut up. :D

FWIW I’m not child free but I agree with other posters in that your mother was harsh, and the cat mum commenters were just spiteful because they can be.

Incidentally, I am a cat mum as well as a dog mum, so shoot me. My cats and dog are far better company and conversation than the cat mum commenters. Maybe what they all need is a kitten.

I agree. For what it's worth my lovely DM would never have reacted that way, and in fact on Mothers Day she used to give me a gift from my cats!!!

The cat mum commenters are just bitter - they can't stand the fact that some of us actually prefer cats and dogs to children.

No, of course not, but if you're going to get upset about somebody saying you're not a mother, why go to something specifically for and about mothers?
It's like the people with eating disorders who click on food threads and then complain they're triggered.

Awful of your mum OP. 💐from a former dog mum of 2.

I can understand why you feel hurt. There were plenty of posies to go round; your mother didn't need to do that.

💐💐💐 from a mum to three guinea pigs

Only just read this. OP, that would have devastated me. How unkind of your mum when you'd made the effort to attend church for her.
I can't bear mothers day. I find my childlessness so acutely painful these days, I can sometimes barely function. As for the unpleasant comments earlier in the thread, shame on those posters. You are a cat mum, and I don't believe animals should be owned. They're their own beings. Ignore the mean posters, and know that most of us are supportive OP. I hope you're recovered from your mum's insensitivity now

It's absolutely not the same.

Nothing really but I think it’s weird

In what way?
In both cases, people have volunteered to go to something connected to a trigger for them.

She wasn't triggered by not being mum and being at mother's day service at church with her mum. She was triggered by her mum's rude behaviour. It was not the church event which set the sadness off.
Cannot believe this has to be explained to you.

Absolutely not comparable to your weird example.

She was triggered by her DM saying she's not a mum, so it's about not being a mother. Yes, maybe her DM was insensitive, but it obviously touched a nerve.

But your example @Gwenhwyfar is not the same.

Happy you finally agree that it was the mother's behaviour not mother's day and church event.

You're putting words in my mouth there. I said the DM's behaviour obviously touched a nerve so the OP was already sensitive about this and probably shouldn't have gone to the event.

She went to a church service on Mothering Sunday, not a Mothering Sunday service. And her mum behaved atrociously. You’re being obtuse.

She wrong. At my church those posies are for anyone. They are given to women predominantly regardless of if they are mothers!

I imagine her behaviour was in character and she's normally like that. It might help to try to emotionally disengage so she doesn't upset you so much. I would have rolled my eyes at her but it seems to have deeply affected you.

This makes no sense to me. Are childfree people supposed to avoid anything in relation to celebrating their own mothers? And, if it goes a bit tits up, then not feel a bit pissed off at something that’s said?

And I really wish people would stop with the overuse of the word triggered directed towards someone else. It’s a snarky way of having a dig at someone for their feelings.

How unkind and tactless of your mum

Very unkind of your mum, especially when you'd taken the time to attend that service.
You sound lovely and thoughtful.
From a cat lover 💐