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Original poster

Parents don't care about my milestone

108 replies

Hari223 · 31/03/2025 04:13

I've just achieved a really significant professional milestone which is huge for me - and my parents don't seem to care about it at all. By contrast, they are very focused on my sister who is pregnant and always asking after her and her wellbeing. I never wanted children and I'm happy for her (and also think it's right that my parents ask after her) but I'm envious of the automatic attention, care and goodwill it affords her while my achievement is overshadowed. Colleagues and my partner have been wonderful but somehow I can't stop obsessing about my parents' lack of interest. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this?

OP posts:
HunsandRoses · 31/03/2025 04:38

There is an underlying truth that no one ever talks about because its uncomfortable and not what we're supposed to say in society, but it is nonetheless true. No one outside of your home really cares about your career that much. People will make the right noises but they're really not that interested. Careers are fleeting and have very little impact on the lives of those around you.

Inside your home, your partner will be supportive and happy for you because on a basic level it will bring in extra income or benefits and it makes you happy which makes them happy, but to your parents it doesn't actually mean much outside of a few supportive remarks. It doesn't change their lives in anyway.

In contrast, a grandchild will be a huge addition to their lives. They may have held a long standing desire to be grandparents and its now happening.

The two things aren't comparable in their eyes, not deep down.

I had a high flying successful career with academic achievements and travelled to exotic and interesting places until my late 30s. It wasn't until I had kids that I noticed the shift in superficial platitudes of 'well done' and 'you're doing so well' every time i got a promotion or achievement to actual deep interest and engagement when I had kids. It felt frustrating as I'd worked so hard but it was the reality of the situation.

Try to separate the two things out. It's not a competition between you and your sister for your parents attention. If you continue in that mindset it will make you unhappy.

Enjoy your career and the affirmation from those in your professional circle. You sound like you have a supportive partner, which is great.

Be proud of yourself for what you've worked hard for and happy that you've made choices to walk your own path. Also, cut your parents some slack, they're probably just very excited and joyful about being grandparents.

Tbrh · 31/03/2025 04:57

I'm sure your parents are very proud of you, it's probably just not the thing people are very vocal about. Well done and congratulations.

RawBloomers · 31/03/2025 04:57

Your career achievement is just yours. Obviously one would hope your parents are pleased for you, but at best it’s a vicarious appreciation.

A grandchild is something that will have a huge impact on their life for many years to come. Of course they’re focused on that.

Bumpitybumper · 31/03/2025 05:00

I agree with @HunsandRoses

Your career achievements are of course important to you and I'm sure your parents are proud but it's often difficult for people outside of an industry to appreciate what it really means and what you have achieved. Your colleagues and partner probably have a better understanding of what you have done and so are more likely to make a fuss. I think most adults have been slightly frustrated when their parents don't acknowledge a career achievement properly and it can be a bit disheartening as I think there is often an element within us that looks to our parents for approval and recognition. Unfortunately though it is just part of life and we just have to celebrate our wins with the people that really understand and get it.

I do also think that comparing your parents' reaction to your career progression and your sister's pregnancy is only going to lead to resentment on your part. Fundamentally your news impacts only you whilst your sister's pregnancy will change their lives too. They will become grandparents and this could be an absolutely huge thing in their lives. Again, it might not seem 'fair' but your parents are human and will naturally recognise something that will impact them greatly. They aren't dismissing you by acknowledging her. They are more thinking of themselves and what a grandchild will mean for them.

TheaBrandt1 · 31/03/2025 05:19

Huns is spot on sorry. No one really cares about your career but you. I had a high flying career you get “ that’s nice dear “ but having a grandchild is next level. The two aren’t even comparable.

GruntingMcGrunt · 31/03/2025 05:28

A grandchild is a new person in the family. I think especially as people get older they don’t see careers as that meaningful. As long as they congratulated you at the time then that’s fine I don’t think you can expect ongoing praise and interest comparable to having a child.

springintoaction321 · 31/03/2025 05:33

Having a good career is meaningful! Well done @Hari223

It'll be nice to have a new niece or nephew for you - but that doesn't make your sister any better than you (obviously).

JustMyView13 · 31/03/2025 05:46

To add to the already spot on comments, I think also it’s hard for some parents to understand career success & promotions. Certainly my own parents never worked in any kind of management position or corporate role. They cannot comprehend what my role involves, the milestones or how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am so far. They are proud, but there’s no direct impact on their life one way or another.
Vs a grandchild who changes who they are in the world. To everyone, they’re now going to be grandparents.

Flatandhappy · 31/03/2025 05:56

I think Huns gives a good explanation, but as a parent of three adult children and GM of one I would (and have) absolutely celebrate a significant achievement in my kids’ careers. Maybe I am the strange one, I absolutely adore my grandchild but I don’t see producing offspring as the only meaningful thing in people’s lives. Congratulations btw.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 31/03/2025 06:17

First post is bang on. I've had this too throughout career and only now I am a parent am I getting what feels like true congratulations on a 'worthy' achievement. Often it's because having children is more relatable for them than grafting and the blood sweat and tears that goes into chasing the promotions. I now wonder if the 18hour days, moving across the country multiple times and sacrificing a lot of happiness were ever worth it when all I needed to do was have a little one to get praise 😂 but for my own self satisfaction, pride and the financial freedom it brought it was worth every minute. Enjoy your promotion, take pride in it and also enjoy your new niece/nephew when they get here, it's not a competition.

Needlenardlenoo · 31/03/2025 07:22

Congratulations OP! Some parents/family members/people just have little interest in anything outside their direct experience or knowledge.

Flocke · 31/03/2025 07:51

This is unfortunately life that most people don’t actually really care about anything related to you unless you have children. I figured this out years ago so I don’t bother telling anyone anything about my life. No one asks. I don’t tell. Because they don’t actually care so what’s the point?
Even if I meet strangers or through work most people just give up talking to you once you say you don’t have children as you’re just not very interesting to them. Or you get the “oh right. Well what do you actually DO with your life then?”
My husbands parents haven’t called him in over a year. He calls them. They don’t call him. When he mentioned once the fact they call his siblings every weekend they say “yes because they have CHILDREN.” So he’s learned that he’s just not that important alone to be worthy of an occasional phone call.
I think you once you accept that fact life gets easier.

drspouse · 31/03/2025 08:02

I am in the same industry as my dad, and obviously my mum supported him through it. He asks me about my achievements and so does she. We were late to have kids and they did this before DCs too.
I think it's worth explaining (this was after X years of work... There's only 5 women at this level in my company... This will affect all the companies we work for .. my boss bought champagne, wasn't that nice?).
Careers don't just affect you. I think PP are being a bit dismissive.

applegrumbling · 31/03/2025 08:18

Flocke · 31/03/2025 07:51

This is unfortunately life that most people don’t actually really care about anything related to you unless you have children. I figured this out years ago so I don’t bother telling anyone anything about my life. No one asks. I don’t tell. Because they don’t actually care so what’s the point?
Even if I meet strangers or through work most people just give up talking to you once you say you don’t have children as you’re just not very interesting to them. Or you get the “oh right. Well what do you actually DO with your life then?”
My husbands parents haven’t called him in over a year. He calls them. They don’t call him. When he mentioned once the fact they call his siblings every weekend they say “yes because they have CHILDREN.” So he’s learned that he’s just not that important alone to be worthy of an occasional phone call.
I think you once you accept that fact life gets easier.

Some of you know some really awful people. Not everyone is like this!

Tenminutestogo · 31/03/2025 08:21

HunsandRoses · 31/03/2025 04:38

There is an underlying truth that no one ever talks about because its uncomfortable and not what we're supposed to say in society, but it is nonetheless true. No one outside of your home really cares about your career that much. People will make the right noises but they're really not that interested. Careers are fleeting and have very little impact on the lives of those around you.

Inside your home, your partner will be supportive and happy for you because on a basic level it will bring in extra income or benefits and it makes you happy which makes them happy, but to your parents it doesn't actually mean much outside of a few supportive remarks. It doesn't change their lives in anyway.

In contrast, a grandchild will be a huge addition to their lives. They may have held a long standing desire to be grandparents and its now happening.

The two things aren't comparable in their eyes, not deep down.

I had a high flying successful career with academic achievements and travelled to exotic and interesting places until my late 30s. It wasn't until I had kids that I noticed the shift in superficial platitudes of 'well done' and 'you're doing so well' every time i got a promotion or achievement to actual deep interest and engagement when I had kids. It felt frustrating as I'd worked so hard but it was the reality of the situation.

Try to separate the two things out. It's not a competition between you and your sister for your parents attention. If you continue in that mindset it will make you unhappy.

Enjoy your career and the affirmation from those in your professional circle. You sound like you have a supportive partner, which is great.

Be proud of yourself for what you've worked hard for and happy that you've made choices to walk your own path. Also, cut your parents some slack, they're probably just very excited and joyful about being grandparents.

What an excellent and perceptive post.

BrokenLine · 31/03/2025 08:22

JustMyView13 · 31/03/2025 05:46

To add to the already spot on comments, I think also it’s hard for some parents to understand career success & promotions. Certainly my own parents never worked in any kind of management position or corporate role. They cannot comprehend what my role involves, the milestones or how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am so far. They are proud, but there’s no direct impact on their life one way or another.
Vs a grandchild who changes who they are in the world. To everyone, they’re now going to be grandparents.

This. My parents have no idea what I do for a living. I’m an academic, and have been one for decades, but I think they think I’m (I quote) ’some kind of secretary at the university’, because obviously academics are male and wear tweed.

Overthebow · 31/03/2025 08:31

It’s because your career affects you, having a child affects the whole family. They’re not just celebrating your sister, they’re celebrating their new grandchild, a whole new person. The two situations just aren’t comparable. Careers come and go, children are part of the family.

Ihavepandassurvivalinstinct · 31/03/2025 08:35

I get you. Since birth of my sibling's DC, my family even forgot to text me on my birthday🙄
They are lovely, we love each other, but it's very obvious I dropped another peg down on the ladder of importance.
They do all apologise and feel bad, but it still hurts a bit. I am getting very much used to that anything major in my life will get fleeting "that's nice" and that's it. Like you I have supportive DH. He is also in a similar boat, but tbf his family is massive I am sure many get forgotten there and there, so we just do big whoops at each other.

On the other hand, at least I get the occasional attention for me (when it happens...). Attention towards my sibling is basically just all about their child rather than them.

Original poster
Hari223 · 31/03/2025 08:36

Thanks for all your replies. I do understand that having a grandchild is more important to my parents than my career. I just wish they would recognise that it's a hugely significant thing for me. I'm not asking for them to treat it equally with my sister's child but it would be nice if they did something small to acknowledge it (they didn't even text or call).

OP posts:
Seymour5 · 31/03/2025 08:40

Flatandhappy · 31/03/2025 05:56

I think Huns gives a good explanation, but as a parent of three adult children and GM of one I would (and have) absolutely celebrate a significant achievement in my kids’ careers. Maybe I am the strange one, I absolutely adore my grandchild but I don’t see producing offspring as the only meaningful thing in people’s lives. Congratulations btw.

Two middle aged DC. I’ve always been proud of their achievements, long before and after either had their own DC. I love having DGC, but they are not the only part of my DCs’ lives that are meaningful. I’m now interested in the paths the teen DGC are following.

It’s so sad that some parents seem to lack awareness of the lives of their adult DC.

Overthebow · 31/03/2025 08:48

Hari223 · 31/03/2025 08:36

Thanks for all your replies. I do understand that having a grandchild is more important to my parents than my career. I just wish they would recognise that it's a hugely significant thing for me. I'm not asking for them to treat it equally with my sister's child but it would be nice if they did something small to acknowledge it (they didn't even text or call).

I get that, it would be nice if they acknowledged it. But the comparison of how they treat your sister needs to be on what they would do for a similar achievement for her, would they call or message her if she has a career achievement? My parents only message me for news about my DCs, they don’t message for anything about my career.

ItGhoul · 31/03/2025 08:51

They’re focusing on your sister’s pregnancy because it has a direct impact on the whole family. There is literally going to be a new human being in the family who will be in everyone’s lives forever. It affects everyone.

Your career milestone affects you and only you. It has zero impact on your parents and their lives.

I don’t have kids myself, but I would absolutely expect my parents to be a lot more excited/concerned/attentive about a pregnancy in the family than anyone’s career milestone or a qualification. I don’t really see why my parents would have much interest at all in my job/career; it’s not a family thing.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 31/03/2025 09:01

@Hari223 I understand where you are coming from! is sis the golden one?? in my case I had a golden sis who had a golden grandchild who then had a golden great grandchild. none of the other children, grandchildren or great grandchildren got a look in!! understandably, younger sis and I decided to go no contact after being utterly fed up and disgusted with this situation!

Tenminutestogo · 31/03/2025 09:05

Hari223 · 31/03/2025 08:36

Thanks for all your replies. I do understand that having a grandchild is more important to my parents than my career. I just wish they would recognise that it's a hugely significant thing for me. I'm not asking for them to treat it equally with my sister's child but it would be nice if they did something small to acknowledge it (they didn't even text or call).

Ok, if they haven’t expressed any pride or pleasure or congratulations at all then that is shit. Sorry to hear that OP.

Newgirls · 31/03/2025 09:08

I think it’s worth wondering why you care? Did you get validation for your school successes etc and that felt good? Honestly at this point in life enjoy your own successes, go out for a posh dinner with your work colleagues and / or partner and be proud of yourself.

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