Reasons you’re childfree by choice?

[DownThePubWithStevieNicks]

For me, the main reason is I have never particularly had a maternal instinct. There are scores of secondary reasons backing up the main reason, including:

• Having partners who for various reasons (being useless, inflexible career) would not have been truly equal parents
• Really valuing my financial and physical freedom to live as I please, go where I want
• Hating thought of pregnancy and childbirth
• Liking sleep
• Worries about passing on familial MH problems and/or poor parenting
• Concerns about the state of the environment and national and global politics
• Fear that a child could be disabled and require lifelong care
• Not wanting to be a single parent in the 50-50 eventuality that relationship broke down.

I am at the very end of my fertile years now and have no regrets! I’m lucky in that I am rarely asked about having/wanting kids, and when I am ‘I never wanted them’ is always accepted.

Did you have other reasons I missed?

I never wanted them, from childhood onwards. Motherhood just isn't for me. I could list a bunch of other reasons but not much point! Don't regret it, am glad for those who want to do it and choose it, but motherhood's not for everyone. I've had that decision questioned and had the usual 'you'll change your mind' and 'what about when you are old' lines.

I never had a desire to have own children and never wanted to adopt either because I knew either way it was a huge risk and responsibility.

Never wanted them.

Being the "I hate people" type of autistic, I doubt I'd be able to cope with them anyway.

This morning I got up when I wanted to, enjoyed two coffees in bed, pottered around doing some gardening at my leisure and now I'm going for a nap after a very long tiring and understaffed week at work. I can't imagine having to have to entertain children. I like my peaceful life.

I play a game with friends who have kids: give me one unselfish reason for having children and I will give you five unselfish reasons not to have them.

The closest anyone has got has been to perpetuate the human race, but even then, why you and your offspring is still selfish.

I have more than 5,000 reasons why I never had children. Chiefly because I didn't fancy the drudgery my mother endured for years.

Also I never wanted to be the mother of an adult disabled child. Yet my DH's daughter is 32 and lives with us. She is unable to hold down a job due to her disability and we weren't aware of the severity of her issues when she moved in with us. So unless I am prepared to stop being with my DH I am stuck with this adult disabled child.

Careful what you wish for. Life is what happens when you're busy making plans.

I just don't have any desire to have children.

They want to.have a family.
They want to have family xmas days, go.out for meals on birthdays.
They just want the family.line to carry on.
I guess they think if it was just the two of them, life would be abit dull.

Sounds like they want the picture perfect polaroids rather than the reality of having children...

My reasons:

I never wanted to relive my unhappy childhood

terrified of being trapped in a loveless marriage like my mum, and being a domestic drudge.

had a hugely painful back problem at age 19, had to walk with a stick for nearly a year. Ended up in traction for 3 weeks in hospital. There was a woman in my ward who had been lying there bedridden due to her back being so damaged by having children. This really put me off having children.

just never met anyone who I wanted to have children with.

A "family" doesn't just mean children.

DH and I have highly enjoyable Christmasses and birthdays... neither of us have an desire to carry on the lines of our dubious families... and we get to spend time both alone and enjoying each other's company, without having to orbit around the needs of small people who, if we did it right, would go off and live their own lives anyway.

But that's what we want, and happy for the people who want it otherwise. 🤷‍♀️

Ok, then, what are you doing on Mumsnet if you haven't got kids lol? Only kidding
Seriously, in this day and age, more and more women are choosing not to have kids, my own daughter's included, one because she can't (had a lot of endometriosis and chose to have a hysterectomy at a relatively young age) another of my daughter's has severe mental health problems, which she doesn't want to inflict on a child, it takes her all her time and energy to cope with her own life.My youngest daughter is 17, and Autistic,likes everything ordered and a certain way and is already adamant that she won't have kids.
I myself had 6 all grown now, thank goodness, it's definitely not for the feint hearted and takes everything you've got and more
Would I do it again? Probably not!

terrified of being trapped in a loveless marriage like my mum, and being a domestic drudge.

Very much this. 🤗 @Appalonia .

Because I’m far too self centred and shallow. And need sleep.

I just haven’t found a good enough compelling reason to have them. I’m late 30s so can’t see that changing any time soon.

There was a poster once who said on MN that if parents thought through having kids as much as people think through not having kids, world would be much better place. So yes, agreed

I've just rewatched House of Cards and thought Claire Underwood gave the perfect reply to the question "Do you regret not having children?"
She answered "Do you regret having them?"

‘Do you have children?’
’No. Do you have a cat?’

That would work for me, then we could either enjoy a cat chat or I could ask if they regretted not having one.

I like to do what i want when i want.
Ive never wanted motherhood and all the crap that comes with it no thank you.
I like peace i love my life i like to wake up when i want and wake up have coffee shower take my time not rush around making breakfast and having some child wanting to play or the tv on.
I also like a nap in the day.
I love my holidays in peace and book adult only stays.
My home is mess and clutter free.
What money i have is mine.
I also like to spend out on nice food and i can with no limits plus pampering myself.
The list is endless.
And i can be selfish all i want.
If you have a baby you cant be the baby if i had a child i could not afford or find the time for my 3 hours in the salon/spa every 2 weeks massage nails feet chit chat facial and all the rest.

When I was younger I just assumed I would have kids. I did a major career shift and retrained from 29 - 33 and that really threw a spanner in the works. I enjoyed my job and my partner and I wouldn't have been upset if I had fallen pregnant but I never had thr desire to have children. I fear I'm too selfish, I like my sleep, I like prioritising my needs and wants etc.

I adore kids (and adore them leaving as well) but I felt that the desire to be a mother needed to be much stronger. I didn't want to lose who I was. I didn't want to carry a child for 9 months, I still find the thought of childbirth horrifying. I was a huge eco warrior in my youth and couldn't justify bringing another human onto the over populated planet.

Now in my late forties and it is very difficult to find fellow kindred spirits as so much is based around children.

I have never wanted them.
When I was a small child, I said I did not want to have a baby. I never played with dolls... always dinosaurs.
When I was in school, the fact I said I did not want kids was brought up in parent's evenings!
I never got on with other kids when I was one, and as an adult, I don't understand kids at all.
I struggle to look after myself. I have been told that social services would be involved if I had a kid. But I don't want one so it is no big deal

What I do find a bit tricky is now I'm in my 30s, 95% of my friends have young kids and that's all they really talk about.

It looks hideous. The only good bit I could ever see is having adult children, so I’d describe myself as ambivalent. And ambivalent people having children should be a crime punishable by hell - there’s no more important job and I’m grateful to those that do it, on my behalf

I’m so glad all my friends are also childfree!

I remember a Friday evening in the pub, when I was in my 30s.

Partner and I chatting with a couple of blokes we knew reasonably well. Both were new parents.

Conversation got round to why we were (are) child free and I commented that among other reasons women often get a raw deal

One of the chaps decided that was nonsense and having a baby "would be the making of me".

I asked them both where their wives were on a lovely weekend evening, while they were in the pub.
My partner told them they were talking crap.