Blimey, quite the own goal

[Liverpool52]

Apologies it's a Fail link but I saw this and immediately thought "well you'll have an even more miserable future now because I doubt your daughters will ever talk to you again".

And then I thought, I'm sure using other women's' uteruses to secure your own future was the subject of a book....

What possessed her?!

I'll never be a grandmother because, like so many young women, my twin daughters don't want children - Gen Z are robbing mid-life mothers like me of our future | Daily Mail Online

I doubt that they’ll stop talking to her, OP, my assumption is that they knew about the article before it was published.

It’s sad that she’d based her future on the assumption that they’ll have children, although perhaps losing her husband/their father so early has influenced her to want to “grow” the family. But it’s not her decision!

If I'm honest I'd be upset as well if my children decide to be childfree by choice

You can’t help how you feel, but the important thing is whether you’d let them know you were upset or put pressure on them to have kids.

@EmpressaurusKitty

I wouldn't put pressure on them no but I'd want an open and honest talk about it and for them to talk about how/why they have reached that decision. And yes if it was some crap about over population or climate change political unrest and wars that are likely never to happen then yes I'd have an opinion. But lots of people (especially younger ones these days) seem to think hearing an opposing opinion is judging / putting pressure on

What would you deem to be 'acceptable' reasons to not have children by choice (just out of interest)?

Yes - what if it’s not because of any external factors, but simply because they don’t want to?

I'm around her age and my DCs are both still preteen. We adopted them and they are clearly not what my DM wants.
I bet if she did have grandchildren they would be too male/too female/too disabled/too musical/not sporty enough/don't like the same books as her.
There's no pleasing some people.

It's not actually any of your business why someone else, even your own children, doesn't want children, especially if they're women. No woman owes anyone, including her mother, a justification for not wanting to have children.

It sounds like you need an explanation/justification from your children. Just, "I don't want to," is enough.

I know why my child doesn't want to have children. We have talked about it because she has chosen to share, we are close and have that kind of relationship, but I never felt I was involved in the decision or had a right to approve/disapprove of it. I have never had a sit down discussion with them where I needed them to demonstrate that their reasons were good enough for me. I've offered appropriate thoughts in a supportive way, but also hopefully to help their thinking process so they're really sure. I'd hate them to regret their decision but, even if they do in the end, that's their issue to deal with.

I'm pleased to see them leading their own life and doing well. Whether they add children to that or not has nothing to do with me.

I think it's okay to be disappointed not to be a grandmother if you are, you can't help how you feel anyway. It's not okay to put that disappointment on your children or pressure them to make such a huge life decision to satisfy our wishes. I don't appreciate it when parents do that to me over any other issue. I'm glad my children are doing what's right for them.

I'm living my own full life. If grandchildren came they'd be loved and welcome in it but grandchildren aren't a requirement for a fulfilling life. I hope my children continue to live and make decisions that are right for them and can continue to say no to anyone who pressures them in any other direction. In fact, if I were present and I heard someone trying to put them in a position where they had to defend their choice, I'd probably come over and shut it down by changing the topic.

You have no right to an opposing opinion.

You may not share their views, so you will no doubt have an opinion, but you don't get to oppose them. You have no vote.

If you think you do, that's a short route to missing out on children as well as grandchildren.

Why on earth would you expect such a conversation? Would you like it if your children had an opposing opinion on you deciding to have children? Somehow I think not!

Would you like it if your children had an opposing opinion on you deciding to have children?

@Firefly1987 I suppose they could object to the fact that they exist?! 😂

You don't get to have an opinion on whether or not your children have children. Or, at least, you don't have a right to share it with them.

What a weird article. She reminds me of Bridget Jones' mother.

Her dds are only 26. I didn't start wanting children until I was 38.

I have a teen ds and he currently doesn't want dcs. That's a good thing. Hopefully it will make him attend to contraception instead of relying on his girl friends. And anyway, I want him to be happy. If he wants to spend his life exploring the Amazon or climbing mountains instead of having a family, that's ok with me.

As for the woman in the article, does she not realise there are dozens of single mums with small children, who would welcome a bit of support and affection from an older and more established neighbour. She could try opening her eyes to what is around her if she feels her 'loss' so acutely.

It's not an unknown viewpoint. A even man tried to sue his parents for having him.

@X23 That’s bizarre!

Legal action is, but the feeling itself can't be all that uncommon.

I wish my parents had never had children, because they did it for entirely selfish reasons, both of them were poor parents, one far more so than the other, and my childhood and adolescence was utterly miserable as a result.

That doesn't mean I wish I was dead, because I'm a perfectly content adult now, just that if they'd never had me I'd have been spared 20 years of misery and I wouldn't know any better anyway.

Some people just aren't fit to be parents and really shouldn't be having children. It's always puzzled me why it's just accepted as an unconditional human right for all, and yet we don't allow certain people to care for animals.

My daughter is never having children. Am I bothered?...Not in the slightest 🤣.

Well it was your choice to have them nothing seems to change women's sole purpose in life is still considered being a walking incubator or they are not doing it right

YABU for exposing the "Daily Fail sad face" - massive self-pity and "this is all about me" is not a good look.

Love the inflammatory language "GenZ are robbing ....*

Don't we all have children for selfish reasons, those of us who have them? Is there actually anyone alive who had their children because they thought they were doing them a favour? I doubt it.

I find it amazing how often people will ask/ talk about whether someone else wants children/ more children, forgetting that it's not always in a person's control. My view is that it's only ever ok to talk about it if the other person brings it up.

The number of people who I don't know well who've asked me if my family is complete amazes me. These are not people who would know if I'd had miscarriages, for instance. (I haven't, but that's not the point.)

I think there are just a lot of rude people around.

No kids - selfish
One kid - selfish
Two kids -wrong mix of sexes, wrong names, wrong schools, wrong pram, wrong schooling, wrong way to feed
Three kids - destroying the planet, not fair to the first two kids of the third one is a different sex because it's makes the first two think they weren't wanted and you kept trying for your preferred sex
Four kids - destroying the planet, how can you possibly give them all enough time, selfish

I think all polite women who have good manners need to band together and refuse to answer rude, intrusive questions and tell them it's rude or intrusive.

Very true. I do think one reason I get asked whether my family is complete is that I have two girls. But so what?!

I also know families where eyebrows were really raised because, after having had two of the same sex, then one of the other, they dared to have a fourth child!

I think Linda needs to Get A Grip