Why is a life without kids still not promoted as a route to happiness?

[OptimismvsRealism]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/sep/15/parents-are-anxious-lonely-overwhelmingly-stressed-and-their-crisis-affects-everyone

Parenthood looks awful. Certainly worse than it needs to be in modern times but fundamentally wretched in many ways. An abandonment of the self.

Shouldn't we be telling young people not to have kids unless they really want to? Like we'd advise with anything so hard.

Quite. All those old fairy tales full of sad childless couples.

i might be trying for a child but i still think not getting pregnant easily and being subfertile (probably as I cannot seem to conceive) can be a blessing as it meant I am more financially stable despite marrying very young at 22

it enabled me to save, get higher paying jobs, buy my own property while being cavalier with contraception aka not using it. I would rather be infertile than be a woman who gets pregnant even when on the IUD. The repercussions of the latter are more serious imho. Maybe i would think differently when I am 48 as opposed to 32 but this is just my view now.

If it happens it happens. If it doesn't then I know i tried and then i can focus on other aspects of my life.

Is it? I’m not sure society was much concerned about women’s happiness…. More what worked for society and men.. which often meant having children!

Couldn't agree more with this post, it's something I've noticed during our Infertility struggles 🙏

I've come to the conclusion that once you have a kid your life pretty much turns upside down with the grunt work, stress, sleep deprivation and worries and then you realise your life has changed forever and you might as well have another one since you're deep down in this thankless work anyway and you might as well roll with it. But looking back, if I hadn't met my children and was wise I wouldn't have had any. Now that I've had my children I can't imagine a life without them but at the same time feel all the stuff I've mentioned in my first sentence.

I certainly think it's been spun as the only possible route to fulfilment for a woman, to induce women to knuckle under...

I'm ecstatic. 2 of my 3 don't have or want kids. The 1 that does has been a shitshow with his ex. which I could have predicted
I wish I knew what was coming, I would have run a mile. I was young, naive, and eager to believe the bollocks that were shown as 'family'. Larkin style family. It's a marketing ploy for products, feel guilty, and compensate when it's a grind of disappointment and drudge.

My mother made it quite clear she hated motherhood but encouraged us to have kids. I've no idea why!

That's sad.

Thou doth protest too much...

I think don’t think the generation coming really are going to be getting the same messages about kids being the default that say 40 years ago. One of my siblings probably won’t have kids and no-one thought to pass comment on it. People who really want kids tend to have them.

I was under a lot of pressure but it was entirely cultural and only from one side of the family (other side, told me not to do it lol).

I will have zero opinion on whether DC has children or not, it’s not my decision to make. I probably wouldn’t have had one if DH hadn’t really wanted a child. Never had that deep desire for a child. Tbf it worked out well, we adore her and DH is a hands on dad and hasn’t ever shirked any parental duties etc.

Yes, but in societies with no welfare state, your children were necessary economically to keep you from starvation — after babyhood and small childhood, they were economically useful. It wasn’t sentiment! Look at how many of those fairytales feature extreme poverty. The stepmother in Hansel and Gretel makes her husband abandon the children in the forest because there’s not enough food for four. When the Pied Piper steals all the children of the village he’s not just stealing people they love, but their economic future too.

Most people in the developed world no longer need children for economic reasons, so the discourse has changed. ‘Who will look after you when you’re old?’ is kind of the last remnant.

*There is constant messaging that women who don't have kids are unfortunate.

I would say they're lucky.*

Lucky?

For me, creating a new human being and raising him/her to be a happy adult is likely to be the most important contribution I will make to the world. Yes, it can be hard work, exhausting but I find it more rewarding than any job/career.

Oh, FFS, why does this always get trotted out to woman who don't want children and are vocal about it? 🙄I know you weren't talking to me, but I'm biting anyway because I'd bet good money that more childfree-by-choice women have been accused of it than haven't. It's deeply tedious and a lazy argument imo.

And on the 'MNers without children' board, no less. Sheesh.

You're in the MN forum for women who don't have children and being really disrespectful. Yet you're calling other people arseholes, which is ironic.

Hide the forum if you're sick of seeing threads about women happy with being childless on the MN without children forum.

OMG! What a touchy, defensive and ridiculous post. It's a perfectly reasonable subject for discussion. If you're happy with your decision then why do you care if a lot of other people wouldn't be? And you are so, so wrong that everyone would be happier with children. It would be my idea of a nightmare and my life would have been miserable if I'd done it. But guess what? We're not all the same.

Truth is you ARE missing out. You will never know what you're missing out on and that's really sad. Keep your opinions to yourself I guess? I don't go around boasting about having children

Do you not see the inherent contradiction in your post?

But what I don't get (of this great illogical diatribe) is how this wouldn't impact the childless (not by choice) as well as the childfree? I mean the consequences would be the same wouldn't they? So how do you mean not to hurt those without children who want them but can't have them?

Well I'm sorry @poppyzbrite4 but if you're so happy with your life childless what are you doing on here posting about it?

@imverynosey If you're so happy with your life with children, what are you doing on the MNers Without Children board?

Thank you for the apology, I appreciate it. I was just adding to the discussion. I am very happy with my decision, have no regrets.

Mine are grown up now. I could never have been so happy if I hadn't had children. Yes it was tiring and stressful at times but I now have these 2 wonderful people in my life forever. Plus any grandchildren I might be lucky enough to have.

@bringincrazyback Well she's currently asleep and when she wakes up we will have a cuddle I guess