Why is a life without kids still not promoted as a route to happiness?

[OptimismvsRealism]

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/sep/15/parents-are-anxious-lonely-overwhelmingly-stressed-and-their-crisis-affects-everyone

Parenthood looks awful. Certainly worse than it needs to be in modern times but fundamentally wretched in many ways. An abandonment of the self.

Shouldn't we be telling young people not to have kids unless they really want to? Like we'd advise with anything so hard.

sigh Why not Would you ask why Nicky Defago wrote her book rather than just getting on with it.

Well no, she’s a journalist. Presumably you aren’t, and weren’t doing it as a career move?

Another controversial book from around the same time was The Baby Boon by Elinor Burket

Do you think women should be silenced You arent coming across well.

No. I’m just wondering why you were so militant about it.
The opposite of this isn’t exactly being silenced, is it?

I was not militant How the fuck do you know how i came across on a show you likely havent even seen and which took place in 1997 so you would have to have a damn good memory even if you did watch it. Vanessa put a call out asking women who didnt want children to go on the show and i responded. Quite a few of the women in the audience stood up for me actually both parents and non parents. I live in social housing and we are always being told not to have kids if we cant afford them. Oh and i was 24 when i did this show and remember what a PP posted. My brain would have still been developing according to the Mayo Clinic.

Having DC made me really happy. Happier than any partner, my birth family, friends, any job, or fancy holiday all inc on a Caribbean beach.

Before I had my DC I had loads of money, holidays, meals out, a great job with travel, and I was bored and miserable.

My DC both say they want DC. I’d like to think that this is because they feel very positively about our family. I can’t wait till I’m a DGM.

Have DC or don’t, but don’t tell us it’s a nightmare because for me being childless would make me very unhappy.

Well, if you're unaware of any promotion to get married and have kids, then you're very, very lucky!.

Where is it coming from, in your case?

I wanted them but never been able to afford children, and didn't meet someone I wanted to have children with
Now I can't have them anyway and I'm 40 so that's that

It really doesn't help though when you get things like

People asking at social events then turning away to chat to someone else with DC
Friends stopping socialising with you once they have DC as they only socialise with people with children
People thinking you're odd or asking why you didn't have them
People saying "oh you find the money" when it's physically impossible and there is no money

You have absolutely no fucking idea how not normalised choosing not to have children was in the 90s.

People asking at social events then turning away to chat to someone else with DC

I've actually had this. People asking expectantly if I have children, waiting to compare norrs, and then when I say no their faces dropping.

No, perhaps not.

And 'How many children have you got?' without actually bothering to ask whether the person they are talking to has children at all.

Of course having children is normalised and often even pushed down womens throats. No denying that. Also not denying that childfree women are often treated very badly by society.

It's just the tone of the OP that has grated me on me for some time. Maybe it's just me.

My mum is very happy for me not to have kids and always was. But this is a bit like how straight people don't notice how aggressively heterosexual mainstream society can be. There is constant messaging that women who don't have kids are unfortunate.

I would say they're lucky.

But the experiences and difficulties people describe in articles like the one in the link are just as valid as yours. It's great that you made the right choice for yourself, but please don't invalidate the feelings of people whose experiences are different from yours. For some it is a nightmare, whether you want to hear it or not.

I couldn't care less what grates on you. Try not clicking on the threads if you don't like them!

Yep I do a sport where everyone chats away about their DC and I get nothing
Like my entire life isn't anything as I don't have children and it's everyone else's main life achievement

Right. I am not the first one that has noticed this on your previous threads though, OP. Some of them are very odd, and not because you don't want children. More because you seem intent on tearing down anyone who has taken a different path. I have said my piece though, and am out of here.

I would say they're lucky.
This is just odd.
I think you’re protesting just a little bit too much, personally.

Is it not a bit silly to have blanket statements - surely some are lucky some would prefer different. Same as women with kids, some are lucky, some have regrets. Are you suggesting there’s only one life path that will bring happiness to every woman?!

I don't live in the same society as you where we're all entirely without pressure to conform. Wish I was, sounds great.

This is a quote from a poster within this thread and I think it's very true when people are talking about norms and pressure etc, that one's cultural background (including class/education/faith/heritage etc) can have a big bearing on the society they feel they belong to and what norms and expectations are for them.

Well, that's the line society's been peddling for centuries...