Are parents missing out? MN without children

[Sequinppigeon]

Inspired by another thread, but really not meant with malice... Do you think parents are missing out by having children?

Do they remove themselves from
opportunities or experiences for example?

Although they experienced child free life before having them, one you have them you don't get childfree life again. Especially not initially, and you're always a parent.

Can they really know what it would be like to have children and therefore what they are committing themselves to?

Just wondering how child free people feel as a counter to this well worn idea that we are some how missing out or lacking.

My partner would have something to say if I just decided to randomly spend the day wandering around my city alone ( TBH why would I?) or listening to my music over and over again ( perhaps a bit adolescent, surely thats what car journeys are for ?). Not so much that he would stop me but perhaps wonder what on earth had got in to me and was I all together ok ? For me those things would only ever be substitutes for something more meaningful, fufilling and/or useful.

Well I guess the one thing certain parents don't miss out on by having children is the opportunity to sneer and make sure that childfree women know their lives are not meaningful, fulfilling and/or useful.

Just as mothers having less time than fathers is a social construct see also womens time having to be filled with "meaningful, fulfilling and useful" activities.

And anyone who thinks exploring a city, or listening to music solely for the purpose of listening to music isn't meaningful or fulfilling makes me incredibly sad.

I don’t understand why walking around listening to music is childish but driving around doing the same thing isn’t.

30% of adults in the UK don't drive. Has anyone told them they aren't allowed to listen to music I wonder?

I feel like music concerts are going to be a bit different if we all have to be in a car to go to them. The last night of the proms would certainly cause some logistical nightmares for the organisers.

Why on earth would your partner have 'something to say' if you did those things? And more to the point, why would you take any notice if he did? Presumably you're your own person? You've said you don't want to randomly spend the day wandering around your city alone, fair enough, but I can't get my head around why a partner would care if their other half did this.

I spend a lot of time randomly wandering on my walks, and often spend them listening to my music on repeat, so presumably I'd be a total adolescent in your eyes (even though I'm 56) but I'm married to someone who doesn't expect to control what I do in my spare time, and I don't control what he does in his. We do some stuff together and some apart. I can't remotely imagine him having 'something to say' about my doing perfectly normal activities alone in my spare time! We aren't joined at the hip, and personally I think it's healthier that way.

(Edited to add: And those activities only ever being a 'substitute' for weightier things? What a depressing thought.)

Slightly off-topic but all the people saying they had their DC early and that they’ll have moved out by the time the poster is 40 🤣. 32 is the average age for house purchase in the UK now, people. 32. As you were.

I really don't know why I am responding to this, but obviously live music is completely different and yes have probably been to fewer gigs than I would have liked over the last 20 years, lack of both time and money. Totally looking forward to putting that right over the next 20 😁

You can’t say you know what it’s like to be CF based on the fact you had 24 years without children. You’ve got no base comparison 😁. That’s actually blown my mind a bit that you’d consider that to be the case!

Ah right, so it's not just childfree women with their meaningless, unfulfilling and useless lives you want to judge, but also poor people, and disabled people who should only be allowed to listen to music if they are paying penance through chores whilst they do it. Because live concerts are expensive nowadays, and frequently difficult to attend with certain disabilities and apparently that's the only form of musical appreciation without chores allowed.

How very grey and dull and lifeless and judgemental

For the purposes of this forum, being childfree means you have made a positive choice not to have children. I think it can also apply to women who couldn’t have children but have made a positive choice to embrace childfree life.

It does not mean the time before you had children. Nor does it mean time temporarily without your children, e.g childfree weekend, nor does it mean having children who no longer live at home.

Outside this forum you can use it for the latter situations all you like. But please don’t use it in here. It’s disrespectful and contrary to the spirit and purpose of the forum.

For me other people can clearly do, think and believe whatever they like.

The thing is, I understand that you didn’t have kids at 25, but this board is for childless people (who wanted to have them & couldn’t and childfree people (who don’t want to ever have them). At 25 you were someone who wanted children but didn’t have them yet. Do you see the difference?

We really are approaching a 'this is like trying to nail jelly to the wall' situation with some posters.

HQ said no again to active, but to report inflammatory posters.

We know we can do, think and believe whatever we like. It's just that certain parents seem to think they need to tell us that what we do, think and believe is wrong.

Perhaps next time you are tempted to tell childfree people that some of the things they choose to do are meaningless, unfulfilling and useless you could remind yourself that whilst you can do whatever you like, posting on the childfree topic to judge us isn't something you actually have to do.

Right will do thanks

Yep. As with so many posts on this particular board, I'm left wondering if certain people are really that obtuse or are being deliberately disingenuous.

Oh good, not just me then. I disengaged the other night because one poster reminded me forcibly of trying to have a discussion with late DM - and not in a good way. Operative word there 'trying.'

I've thought the same as you - either some people really don't get it or they're doing it deliberately, and I reckon it's a mix of both.

Why not tell the truth? Which is "actually call yourself what you want, no odds to me."

Why do you keep lying and saying you can't call yourself children when it's literally not what's been said?

Genuine question. You keep insisting you're being "told how to live your life" when in fact posters are saying, "makes no odds to me".

Why do you keep deliberately claiming the opposite of what's been written?

*child free (can't find edit button)

HQ said no again to active, but to report inflammatory posters

No joy on that 'Ignore Poster' button either, I guess.

I mean, exactly this.

I don't understand why this is the very clear, calm message by so many posters, with the continued furious response "look at you all telling us we're living our lives wrong"

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain you're very keen to keep ignoring this. Why do you pretend the opposite is being said and then get outraged about it?