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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

Original poster

Group travel without triggers

45 replies

Yesnotagain · 14/11/2023 11:54

So I have just got back from an active holiday with a small group of women. It’s a sport I like to do and my husband doesn’t. It involves spending all day, including all meals together so quite intensive. Great bunch of people, but …

I was the only one in the group without kids (childless after infertility). There was a LOT of talk about their kids/grandkids, showing photos etc. Think I must have suppressed the pain at the time, but now I’m home it has hit me like a bus. Crying in bed when I should be catching up on stuff..

I want to go on similar trips in the future but I really don’t want to come back emotionally exhausted and feeling fragile.

Which got me thinking :

If you could join a group holiday with other childless people / people who for whatever reason, like bereavement for example, don’t want to talk about their personal lives, would you want to?

The point being that you have a shared interest rather than just your childlessness in common, and there is an expectation that you don’t ask or get asked personal questions but can share what you want to.

why should people who are sad or grieving for whatever reason not have the chance to get away for a bit and have some fun, in a safe space. Without having to pretend or lie to protect themselves.

Don’t think there is anything out there so Im thinking of setting something up.

any thoughts ?

OP posts:
Afteropening · 14/11/2023 12:03

I wonder how you’d market it though?

Original poster
Yesnotagain · 14/11/2023 12:07

Im not thinking of running it as a business, at least to start with.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yesnotagain · 14/11/2023 12:08

So would be via Facebook or similar.

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 14/11/2023 12:08

Honestly? no. But then I've always been happily and contentedly childfree. My only response to the situation the OP was in would be to quietly remove myself and if questions were asked I'd say I wasn't able to contribute to the conversation and felt excluded. If they got the huff about that so be it.

Original poster
Yesnotagain · 14/11/2023 12:15

This would (I think obviously) be intended for people who are not happy and contented enough with their personal lives not to dread the personal Qs, but still want to get a bit of a break and -importantly- not have to go and hide when it gets too much.

OP posts:
FarEast · 14/11/2023 12:26

I think I’m inured to this. I enjoy hearing about other people’s children, but if that’s all they can talk about, I judge them (privately).

There was a time in my life when I found weddings very difficult as I’d been jilted (in quite the old-fashioned way) but you know, you suck it up. I’m inured to barren spinsterhood now. Although I am still sometimes envious of those with a partner. It seems such a simple basic thing, but I can’t do it.

But <deep breath> It gets better, it really does.

But don’t beat yourself up for crying @Yesnotagain I really recognise that fragility. It’s awful, the maelstrom of emotions that this kind of intense socialising can evoke.

This is what those with children have no idea about.

Possimpible · 14/11/2023 12:28

I don't think I would if I'm honest, no. People tend to join clubs etc to try to get to know people, meet new friends etc, so a ban on chatting about personal lives would disrupt that a lot. I would possibly join a sports group aimed specifically at CF people though, as they are likely to be like-minded. I'm sorry you had a rubbish time - I find being around people all the time stifling so it sounds hard going even without the additional upsetting conversation topics.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 14/11/2023 12:28

I would love this (childless due to recurrent loss and infertility)! Sign me up :)

GCAcademic · 14/11/2023 12:31

Yesnotagain · 14/11/2023 12:15

This would (I think obviously) be intended for people who are not happy and contented enough with their personal lives not to dread the personal Qs, but still want to get a bit of a break and -importantly- not have to go and hide when it gets too much.

I understand where you're coming from, but I don't think a holiday with other people who aren't happy and contented with their lives would be very appealing.

fourelementary · 14/11/2023 12:31

I think that perhaps I’d invest in some personal therapy to process the emotions so that in life when the topic comes up (as it will) it washes over me in a non- hurtful way. Or I learn good processing techniques to help me through.

How would you police what was and wasnt discussed between adults on a holiday? What if one did mention children? What if something came on the TV or a heavily pregnant woman was at the resort?

EdgarsTale · 14/11/2023 12:31

No, I wouldn’t be interested. There are people with children everywhere in life. You have to get used to it. Avoiding people with children isn’t really dealing with the issue.

Afteropening · 14/11/2023 12:32

But if you are “happy and contented” with your life, why would you “dread” questions about children?

StuffLoriThangs · 14/11/2023 13:17

I think it sounds great but feel like you would need to make sure there was an activity each night or something so that the activity can be the focus of conversation.
As humans we find ways to connect and obvious connections are like : family, the weather, jobs.

I think counselling or such like is a good way to process your feelings. It’s not wrong to feel how you feel, but there may be a point when you don’t want that to interfere with the things you really enjoy.

Original poster
Yesnotagain · 14/11/2023 14:23

Interesting responses, thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yesnotagain · 14/11/2023 14:32

Yes absolutely the point of going on the holiday would be the activity. So you’d spend the day on that and then have dinner together. Without the “so do you have .. “ questions.

Also - If you don’t know what it’s like to be basically ok with a great loss in your life, but still vulnerable to big triggers (I’m NOT taking about seeing a pregnant woman on tv but day after day of chat and anecdotes and photos of ppls kids ) and would avoid them on holiday if you could - then obviously this would not be for you.

Also finally - counseling doesn’t fix everything. Sometimes we just need a break.

OP posts:
Afteropening · 14/11/2023 16:14

would it be just no questions about children or any other personal questions too?

Afteropening · 14/11/2023 16:15

i imagine “single” and “just one” holidays are similar to this. My uncle doesn’t have children and he regularly goes on these and really enjoys. It is far far removed from any sort of “dating” thing

Afteropening · 14/11/2023 16:18

we’re you friends with these women beforehand or was it an independently arranged by a travel company

Whataretheodds · 14/11/2023 16:25

How old are you OP/ what was the age range of the group? I went on a few solo holidays in my 30s which were either 50/50 or mostly or exclusively women. Very few had kids, and there was little to no kids chat.

burnoutbabe · 14/11/2023 20:51

I'd tend to more go on singles holidays or solos to see x place.

Less likely to be lots of attached people attending as it's their hobbie. (Though single people could have kids)

Plentiful imaginary groups I'd hate to be stuck for a week for -labour voters maybe? But that's the risk you take unless you go on a "Tory voter holiday" or a "no parents" holiday (but then you'd have to s child free people who may talk about how blessed they are to be kid free. Which may be hurtful?

Doggymummar · 14/11/2023 20:53

It doesn't bother me being childless, I just say it wasn't meant to be, or I met my partner later in life and the conversation moves on. So it wouldn't be for me. I love children and hearing about them.

StuffLoriThangs · 15/11/2023 05:25

No you’re right counselling doesn’t fix everything but you’ve also just said that you came home and cried in bed after this trip OP….
I agree sometimes it’s the situation but it’s also a reaction to the situation.

hattie43 · 15/11/2023 05:36

I think you should address your child free status anxieties and not worry about setting up holidays .
I don't have children and it's just never been an issue for me .

Original poster
Yesnotagain · 15/11/2023 05:57

Thanks all. @hattie43 if it's never been an issue for you then congratulations, and perhaps consider whether you are really in a position to give me advice.

OP posts:
Afteropening · 15/11/2023 06:02

@Yesnotagain i think that’s harsh.

it probably would be a better spend of your time and energy to focus on you rather than setting up a holiday company

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