"Tell me about yourself" - how to answer when CFNBC

[OutOfSyncWithReality]

I have a team bonding session coming up (yes, I know!) and have heard that the ice breaker at the beginning is going to be "tell me about yourself". IME this usually means everyone says "Hi, I'm x I'm happily married to y and we've got 2 gorgeous kids aged 6 and 4 who...." and then proceed to spend the rest of the time talking about their kids, what they like, what they are good at, how funny they are, family holidays blah blah blah. What do you say when you don't have a family? I am in my 50s, divorced, CFNBC, although in a long term relationship.

We'll be going for drinks after and as I am fairly new to the team I know I will be asked if I have kids. I always say no and then everyone looks awkward. I don't want a witty oneliner, I would like to know how to navigate these questions so as to not make anyone uncomfortable - especially me! Any ideas?

Childfree by choice. I usually respond to work 'tell me about yourself' exercises by launching into a long and dull blow-by-blow account of my career with the company.

"I joined in 2004 in boring-role in boring-department, then in 2007 I was promoted to more-senior-but-still-boring-role, then in 2010 I took a boring sideways move to work with boring-person's team on boring-project ..."

Avoids awkward questions - by the time I have finished, they are desperate to move on!

Thanks so much for your replies. I have been worrying about this! I'm surprised so many people think it's unusual for people to harp on about their kids when asked about themselves. I have friends whose kids seem to be their whole personality 😂

Something like - “no kids, would have loved to but never happened for me.”

Imo that is giving away far too much information, particularly in a work context. Your personal circumstances don’t need to be discussed with anyone you barely know, and you definitely shouldn’t go into detail about how you feel about them.

I agree, a professional setting is not the same as a support group.

I say "I don't have kids, I have cats" and talk about them briefly. It gives me something to say, but I don't have to explain why I don't have kids.

I would find that incredibly awkward in a work setting. That's far more information that I expect or need to be shared by someone I barely know

I don’t think the ‘tell us about yourself’ prompt in a work setting ever means ‘Tell me about your offspring’ OR ‘Tell me personal information about why you don’t have children’. I’ve done numerous ‘team building’ things in various jobs in several countries and I don’t think anyone did more than mention children in passing, and that was only a couple of people.

@Kinneddar I'm a healthcare worker & everyone at work in the hospital setting including bank staff are just soo nosy.. so basically saying to them sadly I can't have children then changing the subject is the least rude option.
I would personally choose not to say anything about it at all.

As in they specifically say do you have children, why not, do you want them etc.

I’d be far more interested in hearing about your cats than about kids. And then we could look at each other’s cat photos / videos & swap stories. Sounds perfect.

I don't have pets so can't use them to deflect unfortunately!

Anyone wanging on about their kids fails the assignment. It is not tell the group about your kids, it is tell them about you!

I agree with this. I've only known 1.person do it, and my (internal) response was 'That's weird. Don't you have any identity of your own?'

If you do think it's going to go that way, then starting off and setting the tone is good advice.

Maybe start with where you live and where you're from if that's different, then keep it mainly business focssued - your current role (just job title), your previous role/company, how/why you go into the industry, any big career changes you've had along the way, particular skills or interests within your role. Close with 1 or 2 slightly more personal snippets, but keep those brief - perhaps 1 hobby and 1 favourite holiday destination/TV programme/music genre.

Thanks,

Was wondering what Childfree, Nuclear, Biological Chemical meant.
I suppose all children are WMD's though, so not far off with my reasoning.

😂😂😂

I like 'tell us something. You enjoy or recommend'

I'd have a migraine that day. Even if I didn't actually have a migraine, if you catch my meaning. I hate these stupid wastes of work time and money, they could put the money in our pay cheques and let us get on with the actual job.

I'm autistic and being around people is stressful and exhausting so doing so needlessly is a waste of my energy. I see pulling a sicky to avoid this crap as valid self-care.

I don’t want this to sound mean or patronising, but I’d just choose some random facts about myself! Your colleagues will learn about you sooner or later anyway. I’d say something like “I curl up into a tiny ball of joy when I see my cat, I can bake superb macaroons and I’ve never been to Asia” or something. Just because your colleagues define themselves by their children doesn’t mean you have to.

I wouldnt mention kids, as its odd to define yourself by something you dont have.

Instead, say, Hi, I'm Helen. I'm 50 and live with my partner Tom in a crumbling Victorian semi. I have two cats called Biscuit and marmalade and enjoy narrow-boating and sky diving.

or something similar.

I wouldn't include age.

Me neither.

It only invites judgement and discrimination.

I'd go for something like:

"I'm Jesus, I work in the xxxxx team and have been here for five years, and am currently on xxxx project. I live in the country and enjoy walking in the local area, I love a cup of tea, listen to radio 4 on my morning commute and have to leave in time to catch "Just a Minute" on the way home"

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon I think we might be the same person based on that description!

I’m so sorry, I can’t stop laughing at “I’m Jesus”

In fairness, Christianity would be much improved with a deity who listened to ‘Just A Minute’.

How about The Gospel According to Mornington Crescent?

As others have said, you can't really just say "no, I don't" and expect the conversation to flow from there. You could say "no, I don't but I do have a partner/a cat/a collection of houseplants etc." and then talk about that other thing