"Tell me about yourself" - how to answer when CFNBC

[OutOfSyncWithReality]

I have a team bonding session coming up (yes, I know!) and have heard that the ice breaker at the beginning is going to be "tell me about yourself". IME this usually means everyone says "Hi, I'm x I'm happily married to y and we've got 2 gorgeous kids aged 6 and 4 who...." and then proceed to spend the rest of the time talking about their kids, what they like, what they are good at, how funny they are, family holidays blah blah blah. What do you say when you don't have a family? I am in my 50s, divorced, CFNBC, although in a long term relationship.

We'll be going for drinks after and as I am fairly new to the team I know I will be asked if I have kids. I always say no and then everyone looks awkward. I don't want a witty oneliner, I would like to know how to navigate these questions so as to not make anyone uncomfortable - especially me! Any ideas?

What’s CFNBC?

Sorry - Childfree not by choice.

I think you answer it as anyone without kids does, whether that is by choice or not. I am CFBC and don’t define myself by partner / lack of children so I would talk about the things I do, the things I like.
If people do ask you if you have children just say no and move the conversation on

What do you want them to know? I think that's the place to start.

That's the thing - how do you start when everyone else is talking about their kids?

Tell them about you. I'm sorry if I shouldn't be replying because I do have a kid but if I was at a work event and asked people to tell me about themselves and they told me about their kids ..? Id find that really boring. I don't want to know about people's kids. You matter, I'm sure you're more than interesting enough. Tell them about you.

I know I will be asked if I have kids. I always say no and then everyone looks awkward

Are you sure they are or is it what you expect. I can honestly I've never ever experienced that if I've said I have no children. Awkward seems a very odd response to someone having no children

I know I will be asked if I have kids. I always say no and then everyone looks awkward. I don't want a witty oneliner, I would like to know how to navigate these questions so as to not make anyone uncomfortable - especially me! Any ideas?
Do you literally say 'no' and then stop the sentence? I can say as the other side of that conversation I would feel awkward because I would not know whether you were CFBC or CFNBC and my next sentence therefore is difficult to judge, and in a social situation I am also under pressure not to let your 'no' just be the dropped ball.

If you are CFNBC are you happy to indicate that? Or do you want to gloss over it and talk about other things? I think you need to decide how you want to present it and then you can take more control of the tone (accepting there will always be the occasional wanker who will be rude).

The two basic options you have are a) this is me or b) this is some generic conversation filler. The option I wouldn't advise is c) I am pretending to be somehow different to who I am.

That said, I don't think I would ask if someone had kids in the first place, so maybe the awkwardness is caused by the question rather than the 'no' answer.

But if you do get asked regularly, I think a sentence would be better than 'no' as it will move the conversation forwards which sounds like it would benefit you.

I would make up something OP daft . Like I have a fantastic record collection. You don't have to divulge your personal secrets or business. (You can if you want ) but if it is upsetting ,I would just make up something daft. I hate those icebreaker things ...

I don't like it when people answer "tell us about yourself" by talking about their kids. Fine to mention them but what X and Y like has nkthing to do with the question. I wish more women stopped and started actually talking about their persom. Imho it would help whole womenhood if we stop being defined by kids/partner. It can be done as proved by women in my last job. Took good pressure off us childfree for whatever reason.

Just talk about yourself without personal stuff as pp said.
"my name is sauerkraut, I live in X and in my spare time I make sauerkraut and other fermented goodies. I am also into East Asian tv productions lately and do some bird watching"
You don't have to say you are CFNBC. If anyone asks about kids. I don't know why people would find "no" answer awkward. It's simple, people can goudge out mood of the person about it from how it's said - the tone and face. I say no. People just move on to "Ah. So tell me about that sauerkraut". Tbh if someone doesn't mention kids during intro, there is no need to ask whether they do or don't have some. If they wanted others to know, they would have said🤷

I find it works best to try to start the round. Most people copy the theme from the previous person. I give a little bit of professional personal history, how long I've been in the city/company, what I like to do on my holidays or something about a hobby and what I'm looking forward to about the workshop. If I'm honest, I would judge someone who bought up their kids in a professional setting anyway because it suggest they don't have any identity beyond parent and have lost their professional way a bit.

This. ⬆️

Also, do you have a stock answer for the “do you have kids” question? just saying “no” will be awkward as it doesn’t generate conversation, it shuts it down.

Something like - “no kids, would have loved to but never happened for me.”

Or if you don’t want to open up that much, “no, no kids but I easily fill my time with …” and insert hobby/ charity work / wider family / seeing friends or whatever floats your boat.

Then you’ve moved the conversation on to a place where the other person can pick it up.

I would find it bizarre and ill-judged if someone was talking at length about their children while introducing themselves at a work event. I have no idea whether most of my colleagues are parents or not, because it doesn’t come up.

Something like - “no kids, would have loved to but never happened for me.”

See I know what you mean by trying to not make it awkward etc but I loath having to explain not having kids. Like I would never expect parent to do "Yes, always wanted them/happy accident"

Plus the "would have loved never happen/never really wanted them" usually leads to follow up questions🙄 "aw so sorry have you try ivf/aw really? I can't imagine that hi"

If it’s not a work thing then I tell them about my job, which is generally of interest. Or I tell them about the book I’m writing. Or I tell them I can deadlift 100 kilos.

We had to do a team thing where we had to tell colleagues something they might not know about ourselves. I told them I could shoot rabbits with my father’s rifle.

Say something a bit outrageous.

we had a team day and i heard they were going to ask about hobbies, eek, luckily they didnt

Or you could turn it back to people who talk about their children: “Oh did you always plan to have children or were they an accident? What made you want to have children?”

Equally intrusive questions which we never ask …

Yup

I hated these ice breaker's and kept it really short when it was my turn and if you have this question then I would start first because whoever starts usually sets the tone and prevents the creeping anxiety waiting for your turn.

talking about your kids is not answering the question as others have said.

I deliberately avoided mentioning anything about my family and used to make things up.

CF from choice here but I go with something like 'I love reading about history, in fact my degree is in that but I got sidetracked into finance when I started work and been there ever since. I love classical music and my favourite country is Italy.'

I deliberately avoided mentioning anything about my family and used to make things up

Or that. Make them think 'she does WHAT in her spare time?'

Something like - “no kids, would have loved to but never happened for me.”

I am - or originally was- CNBC - and I would not feel comfortable saying this in a professional setting. I would feel that it is too personal to share It’s not actually anyone’s business why I don’t have children, or how I might feel about not having them. I have always just said “no” if asked and left people to form their own conclusions.

I’ve always avoided school reunions because I don’t want to have to keep saying “no” over and over again.

Anyone wanging on about their kids fails the assignment. It is not tell the group about your kids, it is tell them about you!

Anything more than two kids age 4 and six should get a big family fortunes style ✖️ buzzer.

If you can start because it sets the tone, or suggest to the organiser that they structure the question a bit more to guide people.

Then think about what you are going to say have a few "interesting" things you can include up your sleeve.

I would aim for name, bit of professional information, bit of personal information but all quite light so things like I live in the country and enjoy hill walking or I play ladies football at the weekend or I have a pet budgie or even something slightly silly like I think custard creams are the best biscuits and bourbons should be banned.

I say 'sadly don't have children' they say 'oh that's a shame' and then I say 'but I prefer not to talk about it thanks' and change the subject.

If people wang on about their kids, I wang on about my foster kittens.

Sometimes I mention my feminist campaigning but that very much depends on the audience.