As a mother... | Mumsnet

Ducksinthebath · 2023-10-13T15:20:52+00:00

"As a mother..." seems to be how about how just about every opinion expressed to me about the Middle East situation seems to start at the moment. Same for XL Bully issues, the recent party conferences and every blooming thought that comes out someone's head about the environment. I feel like I'm in an echo chamber with Andrea Leadsom and it's irritating.

SoRainbowRhythms · 13/10/2023 16:22

I'm with you @Ducksinthebath. The fact I've not reproduced doesn't mean I don't feel the same as those who have.

BristolBlueGlasses · 13/10/2023 16:27

Perhaps people who've had children do feel differently about things than people like me who haven't had children. It doesn't mean that we differ in our levels of compassion, empathy or humanity though or that we're not all equally horrified by the suffering we're witnessing.

I personally think there's already enough grief and horror around at the moment without putting a mother/childfree conflict slant on this.

Original poster

Ducksinthebath · 13/10/2023 16:27

My personal fave is when it's nothing to do with children in the least.

"As a mother...I definitely prefer EDF Energy over British Gas"

OP posts:

ssd · 13/10/2023 16:35

Ducksinthebath · 13/10/2023 16:27

My personal fave is when it's nothing to do with children in the least.

"As a mother...I definitely prefer EDF Energy over British Gas"

Says no one ever

LeaderBee · 13/10/2023 16:38

"As a mother, you will never feel the same way as me, because you're a man"
Guess I can never empathise with anyone, ever... then?

Wishimaywishimight · 13/10/2023 16:45

I was only thinking this recently. I don't think we see quite as many men expressing their views starting with the words; "as a father"...

NunsKnickers · 13/10/2023 17:17

To me it's code for 'I'm really stupid and lacking in empathy for anyone who has made different life choices than me'.

Osasr · 13/10/2023 17:20

A woman I work with complimented my tights, I told her the brand and said how great they are, another colleague interrupted and said oh I get my tights from them because as a mother it's really important my tights fit well. I didn't know how to respond to that.

NunsKnickers · 13/10/2023 17:25

Osasr · 13/10/2023 17:20

A woman I work with complimented my tights, I told her the brand and said how great they are, another colleague interrupted and said oh I get my tights from them because as a mother it's really important my tights fit well. I didn't know how to respond to that.

Lol

How about 'us childfree women don't mind if our tights fall down and gather around our ankles'.

Hellinthekitchen · 13/10/2023 17:29

As a mother, I actually agree. 😆 sorry couldn't resist.

It smacks of 'I didn't give a shit about anyone or anything else until I had kids. And I really only care about them'.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 13/10/2023 17:32

NunsKnickers · 13/10/2023 17:17

To me it's code for 'I'm really stupid and lacking in empathy for anyone who has made different life choices than me'.

"And I can't think for myself so I spout cliches instead."

As you were, fellow CF'ers. We're back to pensioner bashing.

RuffledKestrel · 13/10/2023 19:00

Depending on my mood I sometimes respond to them with "Weeellll as an Auntie I ...." or sometimes "As an empathetic human being I... "

It frustrates me. I feel it's like saying being a mother is a specialty job and somehow that gives their opinion on that particular subject more sway.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 13/10/2023 19:03

I feel it's like saying being a mother is a specialty job and somehow that gives their opinion on that particular subject more sway

That's exactly what it's saying. There was a poster on here recently telling us that being a parent made people so much more empathetic in jobs involving child abuse, but that it led them to burn out and leave - which to me demonstrated that an abundance of empathy can sometimes be a bad thing.

musixa · 14/10/2023 19:49

Well, obviously, we childfree people only care about ourselves ...🙄

Insommmmnia · 14/10/2023 20:02

BristolBlueGlasses · 13/10/2023 16:27

Perhaps people who've had children do feel differently about things than people like me who haven't had children. It doesn't mean that we differ in our levels of compassion, empathy or humanity though or that we're not all equally horrified by the suffering we're witnessing.

I personally think there's already enough grief and horror around at the moment without putting a mother/childfree conflict slant on this.

I think the issue is that the people saying it often do believe that childfree people differ in their levels of compassion, empathy and humanity though

anunlikelyseahorse · 14/10/2023 20:31

Glad to say I've never heard anyone say anything so ridiculous in order to validate their opinion.

PauliesWalnuts · 14/10/2023 20:34

I have a friend who uses that phrase constantly. I just have to zone out.

She's also just put something on Facebook saying "let's try to get together over half term!". I don't have kids so why on earth would I take half term off when every single child is off school?

Fireisland · 14/10/2023 20:36

Insommmmnia · 14/10/2023 20:02

I think the issue is that the people saying it often do believe that childfree people differ in their levels of compassion, empathy and humanity though

Show quote history

Every mother was once childfree, so knows whether she feels differently after having children. It's pretty universal tbh

Insommmmnia · 14/10/2023 20:40

Fireisland · 14/10/2023 20:36

Every mother was once childfree, so knows whether she feels differently after having children. It's pretty universal tbh

Show quote history

Universal really? So all abusive mothers are universally more empathetic just because they have had children? Sure

RandomMess · 14/10/2023 20:42

I'm a mother, what an irritating and often meaningless phrase!

Emmalin · 14/10/2023 20:43

Actually I do feel an additional dimension about awful things since becoming a parent. It's not because I'm a nicer or more empathetic person though. It's because I've created people who are now running around in the world with all its harms so I feel each threat once for myself and once for each of them.

As soon as I had my first child I knew I was vulnerable on a new front, ie through him.

I guess it's just another aspect of ego though. It doesn't make me better than people who don't have kids. But it is different compared with how it was before.

Alstroemeria123 · 14/10/2023 20:45

I’m torn on this one.

I suspect that there are some specific circumstances where parents do feel differently to people without children - I imagine, for instance, that although anyone would find things relating to child abuse difficult, this is much more intense if you can imagine your own child going through that.

Most of the time it seems to be used as some kind of attempted “mothers are superior” thing, though. And the tights example someone gave is ridiculous!

Emmalin · 14/10/2023 20:48

@Alstroemeria123 yeah stuff like child abuse, children going missing and so on ... all got much more difficult for me to contemplate once I started having children because as you say I imagined something like that happening to one of mine.

I think that's maybe not empathy though - it's more kind of anxiety and projection. It's not really thinking about the other person - it's me thinking about myself and my kids!

Emmalin · 14/10/2023 20:49

Maybe people confuse that with empathy, when they feel it. Or maybe other parents are genuinely nicer than me haha.

Boomboom22 · 14/10/2023 20:51

Yes it's not empathy so much as terror