Page 8 | I am so happy not having kids

ForestGoblin · 2023-08-08T09:13:08+00:00

Had an existential wobble but now I'm of an age where the window is closing I'm feeling real alignments with this life. No life is perfect but I really feel it's a blessing to have had this choice. Thank GOD for living now, when we can really live as our authentic selves. High five to everyone who is living the old Polonius lifestyle, whatever that looks like for them.

User1234567891011121314 · 10/08/2023 15:17

Brilliantefforts · 10/08/2023 14:49

*'MrsDanversGlidesAgain · Today 14:23
User1234567891011121314 · Today 14:16

@Bandyarsia there's probably no point replying to her now as she's finding it somewhat of a power trip to be nasty and bring people down. I was clearly respecting the OP and I've never written on child free boards or parenting lol I'm a lurker with the odd opinion but it does seem like she is very highly strung/wants to have power over a simple board. Makes me want to not actually reply to threads which is sad but I won't let her get to me!
Can you two just get a room?'*

The room isn't big enough, too many nasty individuals in it.

Like you and the horrible, no reason to be like that PP? Read what you are saying before you write something there's a preview button I think. Also that same poster is on another thread which comes up on active and yes people can click on it and she's being rude there too. I am so interested in child free posters who are genuinely nice and give insight I love reading about it. But don't love the horrible replies for no reason! I do wonder what my life would be like without kids...

CleverLilViper · 10/08/2023 15:20

Brilliantefforts · 10/08/2023 12:36

'Are you sure there are never any threads on MN asking why people had kids / celebrating being parents?'

I don't know, in my experience it just seems people who choose not to have children feel the need to justify it due to societal expectations. I am yet to see a thread labelled "I'm so happy I had children."

Trying Not To Laugh Rooster Teeth GIF by Achievement Hunter

That's because they aren't.

Ihadenough22 · 10/08/2023 15:21

I have a friend who is child free at 52. In her early 40s she was involved with a man. They ended up braking up and his new younger girlfriend had his baby.
My friend was very upset at this time because she had to watch him with his happy family.
She told me recently that she is glad now to be child free as she is happier than her mother friends. She has free time, cash and can make plans without considering a partner/husband or kid's.

Bandyarsia · 10/08/2023 15:21

Theraininpsain · 10/08/2023 15:05

Yes, it's bizarre to me that the default belief is that women should want and have kids. When you think what a huge, long-lasting commitment children are, it feels to me like it should, if anything, be the opposite. I want people to think very carefully about why they do want children, about what it entails, about how they'll cope if circumstances change, if their child is disabled/very ill, whether they've chosen a decent father who will step up, etc.. Some people seem to go into it in a 'that's just what you do' way and I don't think it leads to contentment for them or the children.

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Absolutely bang on, I went in blind as a bat and never EVER considered consequences or what things would be like in the long run. I thought we would be like The Waltons..... we are anything but. Don't get me wrong, we all love each other but I find myself more and more often thinking...what if I didn't and imagining how different my life would be.

loislovesstewie · 10/08/2023 15:24

Haven't commented , but will now. I'm glad no one has to have children if that's what they want. I have children and am glad I did, my one regret is that I would have liked to have started earlier and had more.

CleverLilViper · 10/08/2023 15:50

AnnaTortoiseshell · 10/08/2023 13:05

There are some really nasty comments on here about children. They are human beings. There is no other subgroup of human that could be called ghastly, shrieking, burdens in this way, and the comments not be deleted for breaking talk guidelines.

I’m very glad we live in a time where women don’t have to have children. Choice for women is a good thing. Children not being born to parents who don’t want them is a good thing. But I never see a real response to this issue. Why is it supposedly okay to speak about children in a way you’d never talk about another group of people?

Oh, I'm sorry, do children not shriek? I thought they did.

Pretty sure I hear the neighbourhood kids shriek every day, but my mistake.

There's nothing wrong with saying that children shriek or acknowledging "shrieking children." Get your panties in a bunch about something important for a change.

Also, it's fine to call kids ghastly. Some kids are. Some old people are. Some young adults are. It's a descriptor, not a death sentence. There's nothing nasty about it-it just acknowledges a reality and give over-most parents only like their own kids. So why would you or anyone else expect people who chose to not have kids to like all kids? Unreasonable and unrealistic.

Yet, I can see this is yet another thread on the child-free section that has been taken over by parents getting their knickers in a twist because we didn't call children "oh, sweet, adorable angels, how ever shall we worship thee?" and actually acknowledged that some children have traits that are not pleasant. Just as some adults do.

Who, precisely, is being harmed by kids being called ghastly on MN? Anyone? Quit policing a board that wasn't intended for your use and untwist your panties for a second. It may even help you relax.

BodegaSushi · 10/08/2023 15:50

loislovesstewie · 10/08/2023 15:24

Haven't commented , but will now. I'm glad no one has to have children if that's what they want. I have children and am glad I did, my one regret is that I would have liked to have started earlier and had more.

Whoosh

Florissante · 10/08/2023 15:51

CleverLilViper · 10/08/2023 15:50

Oh, I'm sorry, do children not shriek? I thought they did.

Pretty sure I hear the neighbourhood kids shriek every day, but my mistake.

There's nothing wrong with saying that children shriek or acknowledging "shrieking children." Get your panties in a bunch about something important for a change.

Also, it's fine to call kids ghastly. Some kids are. Some old people are. Some young adults are. It's a descriptor, not a death sentence. There's nothing nasty about it-it just acknowledges a reality and give over-most parents only like their own kids. So why would you or anyone else expect people who chose to not have kids to like all kids? Unreasonable and unrealistic.

Yet, I can see this is yet another thread on the child-free section that has been taken over by parents getting their knickers in a twist because we didn't call children "oh, sweet, adorable angels, how ever shall we worship thee?" and actually acknowledged that some children have traits that are not pleasant. Just as some adults do.

Who, precisely, is being harmed by kids being called ghastly on MN? Anyone? Quit policing a board that wasn't intended for your use and untwist your panties for a second. It may even help you relax.

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Of course they don't. Children are angels.

readbooksdrinktea · 10/08/2023 15:53

loislovesstewie · 10/08/2023 15:24

Haven't commented , but will now. I'm glad no one has to have children if that's what they want. I have children and am glad I did, my one regret is that I would have liked to have started earlier and had more.

Point of thread missed entirely.

Florissante · 10/08/2023 15:56

I disagree. The point of that post is to discuss having children, although this is the Childfree board. It's not the first post and it won't be the last to exhibit a lack of self-awareness, ie a childfree thread is not the place to discuss being a parent.

Tenohone · 10/08/2023 15:57

CleverLilViper · 10/08/2023 15:50

Oh, I'm sorry, do children not shriek? I thought they did.

Pretty sure I hear the neighbourhood kids shriek every day, but my mistake.

There's nothing wrong with saying that children shriek or acknowledging "shrieking children." Get your panties in a bunch about something important for a change.

Also, it's fine to call kids ghastly. Some kids are. Some old people are. Some young adults are. It's a descriptor, not a death sentence. There's nothing nasty about it-it just acknowledges a reality and give over-most parents only like their own kids. So why would you or anyone else expect people who chose to not have kids to like all kids? Unreasonable and unrealistic.

Yet, I can see this is yet another thread on the child-free section that has been taken over by parents getting their knickers in a twist because we didn't call children "oh, sweet, adorable angels, how ever shall we worship thee?" and actually acknowledged that some children have traits that are not pleasant. Just as some adults do.

Who, precisely, is being harmed by kids being called ghastly on MN? Anyone? Quit policing a board that wasn't intended for your use and untwist your panties for a second. It may even help you relax.

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Honestly, I really don't think people need to justify their 'dislike' of children. I like children I think they're fun and funny, I just don't want my own, but I don't tell people not to have their own opinions.

If people think 'shrieking' and 'ghastly' are so terrible let's home they don't wander into any other areas of mumsnet where, off the top of my head;

A group of women from NCT set up a group chat to stag off the child of one woman's baby and call it ugly and gollum and stuff and she found out

A woman laughing her husband tripped some little kids at a cinema when they took their child to see a film

Discussions of children who have been hit/screamed at and being told 'it's fine we all lose our temper'

Children called brats

Things like 'I wish he'd fucking shut up' 'I wish she would stop talking to me' said about little kids.

And definitely don't go near the news where I read daily about children being abused and murdered by their own parents if the word 'shrieking' is so upsetting.

CleverLilViper · 10/08/2023 16:01

Ripplesgo · 10/08/2023 13:47

I have kids and can really see the appeal of not having them, though glad I did personally. Fiercely in favour of people making the reproductive choices they like and other people not giving their two cents on it. But a lot of the comments I see on here amount to genuine hate for kids. Kids are people. They're just smaller and with different needs to older human beings. Would you feel comfortable saying the same kind of things about old people? And no it's not "policing" for me to say so, any more than it is for someone to notice and comment on the behaviour of a child.

I'd absolutely say the same thing about old people if they were shrieking and behaving in a ghastly manner.

Bandyarsia · 10/08/2023 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KimberleyClark · 10/08/2023 16:02

Tenohone · 10/08/2023 15:57

Honestly, I really don't think people need to justify their 'dislike' of children. I like children I think they're fun and funny, I just don't want my own, but I don't tell people not to have their own opinions.

If people think 'shrieking' and 'ghastly' are so terrible let's home they don't wander into any other areas of mumsnet where, off the top of my head;

A group of women from NCT set up a group chat to stag off the child of one woman's baby and call it ugly and gollum and stuff and she found out

A woman laughing her husband tripped some little kids at a cinema when they took their child to see a film

Discussions of children who have been hit/screamed at and being told 'it's fine we all lose our temper'

Children called brats

Things like 'I wish he'd fucking shut up' 'I wish she would stop talking to me' said about little kids.

And definitely don't go near the news where I read daily about children being abused and murdered by their own parents if the word 'shrieking' is so upsetting.

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I totally agree. Parents are generally nastier to and about other parents and other people's children than the childfree ever are.

Florissante · 10/08/2023 16:03

KimberleyClark · 10/08/2023 16:02

I totally agree. Parents are generally nastier to and about other parents and other people's children than the childfree ever are.

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True.

Bandyarsia · 10/08/2023 16:03

KimberleyClark · 10/08/2023 16:02

I totally agree. Parents are generally nastier to and about other parents and other people's children than the childfree ever are.

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This a million times over.

Tenohone · 10/08/2023 16:09

KimberleyClark · 10/08/2023 16:02

I totally agree. Parents are generally nastier to and about other parents and other people's children than the childfree ever are.

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The parents being nasty to other parents is shockingly true. Not being a parent I wasn't really aware of parents being judged by other parents. I'd heard parents saying nasty little comments about other parents but thought they were just not very nice people but then I came on mumsnet and saw how horrible parents are to each other! Threads about breastfeeding and working especially contain so much judgement and hate.

loislovesstewie · 10/08/2023 16:11

My comment was in answer to the comment about people being happy they had children. Lots of people are happy, I don't feel the need to tell anyone normally, I consider it to be self evident. I hadn't missed the point of that post, had I?

MNHQ

NadineMumsnet · 10/08/2023 16:14

Hi all, we're just popping in to ask everyone to keep our Talk guidelines in mind when you're posting. We've had to delete quite a few posts on the thread for various reasons and we'd appreciate your help in keeping things on track from now on. Peace and love

Florissante · 10/08/2023 16:17

Thank you, MN! I apologise for doubting you.

CleverLilViper · 10/08/2023 16:24

loislovesstewie · 10/08/2023 16:11

My comment was in answer to the comment about people being happy they had children. Lots of people are happy, I don't feel the need to tell anyone normally, I consider it to be self evident. I hadn't missed the point of that post, had I?

This is a thread for people who love being child-free.

I'm happy you love being a parent-but there are other boards you can share that in.

CleverLilViper · 10/08/2023 16:26

I love finishing work and knowing that I don't have to do anything else but what I want to do. I have 2 weeks off after tomorrow and they're all mine to squander as I may and enjoy as many lie-ins as I want.

Lottapianos · 10/08/2023 16:30

'I love finishing work and knowing that I don't have to do anything else but what I want to do'

Me too! I love having time to cook, to walk after dinner with a podcast, to watch TV or read and go to bed as early as I want. I couldn't imagine having to deal with homework, feeding the kids, bath time, bedtime routine and all that

KimberleyClark · 10/08/2023 16:32

Yes when I was working I loved the fact my working day ended when my paid work was done and the evening was all mine.

Baldieheid · 10/08/2023 16:34

Me three.
Tonight I will get home from work, count and feed the cats (I'm not totally without responsibility), work out and then cook our dinner. After dinner, I shall do whatever I want.

That's how it works.