Did anyone else choose to be childfree due to their childhood?

[moderndaywitch]

I have never been especially maternal, and I put this down to being the oldest in a family with four children.

I love my siblings, but from my perspective, my parents having so many children ruined my life. There was no money, time, quiet, space - it was just chaos. My parents were very irresponsible and lazy, which meant I was often the 'third parent' to the youngest siblings, getting them up for school, making their school lunches, washing their hair etc when I was still a child myself. I even had people tell me I would make a good mother one day when I was about 12.

Any attention my parents had, when they could be bothered, would be directed at the youngest as I was 'more grown up'.

I found my siblings, and all younger children, irritating. The crying, the tantrums, the demands.

I do sometimes see children out and about and think yes, they're cute when they are well behaves. I think it would be nice to have family days out at farms etc like you see on Instagram, but then I see parents struggling with a child having a tantrum and I think how hard that life must be.

I do wonder if I will regret having no family but I think my childhood has scarred me too much. I feel resentful that I don't have 'normal' experiences as now I will be living an 'abnormal' life in the eyes of society.

I appreciate this is a childfree board but I came across this thread and was fascinated by it - agree it is one of the most interesting threads I have seen.

I do have children - 3 of them. But I had them later in life - I am 50 with a teen and two primary aged children. I have also been recently diagnosed with C-PTSD and it makes perfect sense - an alcoholic emotionally absent mother and a violent and volatile father.Both parents were always arguing/nasty, unsettling atmosphere. I am estranged from both parents now. My mother also said she wished she never had children and then cruelly added well maybe just one and I truly believe she wasn't referring to me being 'the one'.

I have struggled no end with symptoms. Lack of trust and awful panic attacks have followed me everywhere. I have had jobs well below my capabilities (degree educated) because of my inability to handle emotional overwhelm. I am still awaiting treatment (EMDR) but have been in therapy on and off throughout my life. Perimenopause/menopause has also hit me like a ton of bricks. To say the ripples of terrible parenting follow you in life is an understatement for the vast majority.

However, the frankly abusive and neglectful parenting I received has shown me how not to do things. I won't pretend it is easy and I have definitely made some mistakes but have always apologized (I recognised patterns through all the therapy I have had). I have never for one moment regret having my children and have always made them a priority.

I can totally understand how people decide not to have children and really respect that decision. Sometimes it isn't an easy decision to make and like I say, I have much respect at this unselfishness. I am saddened to hear so many stories about childhood - many of which resonate.

I think subconsciously, yes, probably.

I'm one of two boys, my brother is older than me by 6 years.
my mum said "All i ever wanted in life was children"
My dad was around for the 6 years until I came along; He said he didn't want anymore, my mum told him she had stopped using birth control.

There's blame on both sides here, him for doing the deed when he knew she had stopped using birth control, her for continuing to have sex with a guy who she knew didn't want children because "that's all she ever wanted" which I believe is an incredibly selfish reason to have children.

Growing up, we were treated well, until we got to a certain age, where we must have just got "boring" or too old to be considered what in her eyes were "children" anymore; she'd often look after the neighbors baby regularly and I must have been between the ages of 8-14 at the time? (this baby came from a mother of prostitution) and circumstances meant that she almost unofficially adopted her, given this child would often be with us for weeks on end (between about 8 months old to maybe 2 years old on and off? i'm 37 now, the details are hazy) so seeing this young baby that wasn't even family get all the love and attention when it had started to become clear to me that our mother had lost interest in us as we'd started to grow up was a clear indication that yes, all she ever did want was children...not her own children, just any child, it seemed to me.

So yeah, I think that's had a profound impact on why i have no desire to have any of my own, that, and my mother smothered me so much growing up that i'm still struggling to develop social skills in certain aspects of my life.

I'm largely still a child unfortunately and I just couldn't handle it.