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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

uncomfortable with childminder driving my dd about

108 replies

mollynp · 04/09/2009 20:59

i don't know what is considered normal, so if anyone can help, please do! my dd is starting with a childminder next week. my other two sons were looked after by in-laws so have no experience of childminders.
Basically is it normal for childminders to take kids out in the car much if they don't need to (i.e. don't need to drive to schools, etc.)?
i am really uncomfortable about someone i don't really know driving about with my dd, when i don't know how skilfull a driver she is, or how safe her car seat is/if it is correctly fitted. I am very anal about car seats, and my dd has a stage 1 rear facing one in our car. so i'm also not really happy about her being forward facing in the car.
Is it acceptable to ask her not to take her out in the car? or if i'm uncomfortable with dd being forward facing, should i buy another rear facing seat for her car (£200-250)?
Also the car has loads of scrapes and dents in the side, which doesn't make me entirely confident!!

OP posts:

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nannynick · 04/09/2009 21:19

You are using a service, so you can't dictate how that service is provided... so no, I do not feel you can ask her not to take your DD out in the car.
However, you should ask about travel arrangements... what sort of trips would be typical, what car seat would be used (your CM may well accept you providing your own car-seat, though don't expect it back at the end of each day).
The car needs to be road worthy and have suitable insurance. So ask to see the latest MOT certificate, insurance document.

colditz · 04/09/2009 21:24

No, it's not acceptable to not let your child be in the car. Buy a new seat if it ,makes you feel better.

IdontMN2makecopyforlazyjournos · 04/09/2009 21:25

If you don't trust the woman, why leave your child with her?

Original poster

mollynp · 04/09/2009 21:26

it would be too much hassle to fit a car seat in her car every time we took her, we would have to get another one.
i never even thought that the car might not be roadworthy! surely a childminder wouldn't take kids out in her car if it wasn't, as she couldn't get insurance?!

OP posts:

choosyfloosy · 04/09/2009 21:26

£200 for car seat???

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 04/09/2009 21:28

I would feel the same.

If you don't want her to drive your dd you need to get that in writing or tell her first as she might not want to take you child on.

haventsleptforayear · 04/09/2009 21:29

I would say the alternative is your child sits at home with the cm and watches TV all day.

Is that what you want?

Here (not UK) apparantly you can put in the contract whether you want the cm to drive your child or not.

You'll be regretting it if you forbid it when you need the cm to run your child to the doctor's/pick sth up for you/go and pick your other DC up etc etc.

Plus they'll hate you and think you are a total wierdo!

haventsleptforayear · 04/09/2009 21:30

It's not THAT much hassle to fit a car seat if you are used to it, surely?

If it's a stage 1 rear facing one can't you just lift it out and put it in another car?

little123 · 04/09/2009 21:37

What are you afraid of? an accident occuring?. Have you any reason to suspect your childminder is a dangerous/wreckless driver?

A adult or a child could hurt themselves in a number of situations- even crossing the road is dangerous, therefore would you rather your child didn't cross the road, just in case he/she was knocked over?

Stop being ridiculously paranoid and let your chilminder do their job.

leeloo1 · 04/09/2009 21:38

If you don't feel comfortable with it then its better to say now and she can reassure you or you can reach a compromise. Could you ask if she's ever had an accident?

btw, well done for finding a rear-facing stage 1 carseat - I'm still looking for a good one.

kitkatqueen · 04/09/2009 21:41

Take a look at the britax website. They do a fab rear facing fitted carseat for much less money than that with full side impact protection, they are also on offer atm in toys r us. hth

leeloo1 · 04/09/2009 21:41

Just read some of the other posts and I think people are being a bit harsh - driving can be dangerous and just cos you're good/trustworthy with children it doesn't necessarily mean you're a safe driver! Its soooo not being 'ridiculously paranoid' to worry about someone being safe to drive your child, its being a concerned parent and to my mind a childminder's job is to care for children - not to drive them places.

little123 · 04/09/2009 21:41

PS- You also state that you are unhappy about your child being facing foward in a car seat. Is this is a precarious position to put a child in, or is this just your own personal preference?

If it's not dangerous for the child, learn to relax a little.

Talk to the childminder and let her reaasure you, as opposed to banning trips in the car altogether, which is, quite frankly an overreaction.

It's also normal to feel nervous about leaving your small child with a non relative, but try and relax for your child's sake.

limonchik · 04/09/2009 21:42

If you tell the CM that you don't want her to drive your DD, then she may well decide not to take you as clients. It would also be very unfair on the other children she cares for if they couldn't go to activities or places because you don't want your DD driven.

You're well within your rights to ask the CM about her driving record, the MOT etc, and to buy her a new seat for your DD if you want to. Otherwise it might be better to find a CM who doesn't drive.

little123 · 04/09/2009 21:44

i never even thought that the car might not be roadworthy! surely a childminder wouldn't take kids out in her car if it wasn't, as she couldn't get insurance?!

----

oh for heavens sake. Stop jumping to conclusions. The chances are the childminder is fully insured.

Oh dear god, if this is what having children does to an otherwise perfectly sane woman i'd rather not, thank you.

(Sorry, there was meant to be some humour in that last sentence, honest ;) )

little123 · 04/09/2009 21:48

Leeloo- The point is, the OP is jumping to conclusions and putting in place car bans without even clarifying the car arrangements with the childminder or verifying her details.

She comes across as irrational, but i can understand that leaving your child with a new person is a big deal.

kitkatqueen · 04/09/2009 21:49

little123, most people think its ok to forward face a child from 6mnths / 9 kg, however if you actualy ask someone in the carseat trade they haven't done that with their own children because the risk of neck injury is quite high. Most carseat fitters/ people in the trade that I know keep their kids rear facing until a minimum of 18mnths. It has to do with the ratio of head weight to neck strength ratio or something. Several countries have increased the length of time a child should go rear-facing above the 6 mnbths mark.

I don't know how old the ops child is but I do thin its a reasonable precaution.

If you go on the which? website you can watch a free video of some of their crash tests on the bigger seats - its a bit of an eyeopener tbh.

nannynick · 04/09/2009 21:50

I agree little123 - at present it seems as though mollynp doesn't have sufficient information to make a judgement as to if the CM is suitable for transporting her DD around.

mollynp - You seem to know some info about the car that your to-be CM drives, so did you discuss how your DD would be transported to activities when you met the CM?

kitkatqueen · 04/09/2009 21:51

blimey terrible spelling - sorry

littleducks · 04/09/2009 21:51

I think that if you are uncomfortable with dd being driven about then it would be ok to chose an infrequent/non driving cm over a daily driving one but tbh you cant ban your cm from driving that is a stage too far

How big an issue is it? Would you prefer a nursery?

Original poster

mollynp · 04/09/2009 21:51

i could get another set of tethers to leave in her car, which would make it a bit easier, but then i would have to drive to her house to dropp dd off, and it's difficult to park there as she lives on a main road.

rear facing seats are at least £200 probably because they aren't that common here. but after finding out that they are 5 times safer in an accident (frontal collision), i can't really justify to myself that it is ok to use a forward facing seat. see: www.rearfacing.co.uk/ i don't necessarily have to worry about her driving, even if she is a brilliant driver, she could still be involved in a serious accident. i live in essex boy racer territory near 60mph roads, where there are regular accidents when some idiot overtakes when they shouldn't, etc. i'm not fussy about anything else, i.e. her diet there or when/how much sleep she has, just paranoid about car safety. maybe it's because i work in a hospital!! also i don't really see why she needs to be driven about when there are toddler groups, parks, village green, forest and shops all within walking distance!

OP posts:

kitkatqueen · 04/09/2009 21:54

molly - you can get them cheaper than that - i'm in norfolk. check the britax website.

How old is your dd?

leeloo1 · 04/09/2009 21:54

Hey little - I don't think the OP mentioned banning trips (unless I've missed something)- she wanted some reassurance, asked if it'd be reasonable to provide her own carseat and was worried about the obvious damage to the CMs car. None of which seems overly precious to me.

There is a big debate about children being in rearfacing seats til they're 4, so if she's made the decision to have a rearfacing seat for longer then it makes sense to not have them forward facing with a different driver.

little123 · 04/09/2009 21:55

What KitKat said is useful information, i'm not a mother (you might have guessed). Putting in place a new car seat might be the best option, either way finding an alternative solution would be less restrictive. Keeping trips in the car to minimum and only where it's unavoidable might make you feel better, i guess.

limonchik · 04/09/2009 21:56

The CM doesn't need to drive, but she wants to and it's up to her! If she's in a village then she and the children probably get bored doing the same things every day. With several children driving is likely a lot easier than walking too.

If driving is a big issue for you then you really should have discussed it sooner.

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