uncomfortable with childminder driving my dd about

[mollynp]

i don't know what is considered normal, so if anyone can help, please do! my dd is starting with a childminder next week. my other two sons were looked after by in-laws so have no experience of childminders.
Basically is it normal for childminders to take kids out in the car much if they don't need to (i.e. don't need to drive to schools, etc.)?
i am really uncomfortable about someone i don't really know driving about with my dd, when i don't know how skilfull a driver she is, or how safe her car seat is/if it is correctly fitted. I am very anal about car seats, and my dd has a stage 1 rear facing one in our car. so i'm also not really happy about her being forward facing in the car.
Is it acceptable to ask her not to take her out in the car? or if i'm uncomfortable with dd being forward facing, should i buy another rear facing seat for her car (£200-250)?
Also the car has loads of scrapes and dents in the side, which doesn't make me entirely confident!!

cross-posted.

i know when i was a childminder i drove everyday. The car has to be MOT and Taxed and also you have to have buisness insurance although i think there is also a specific car insurance for childminders if she chooses that options. I agree you need to tell the childminder you dont want her to drive with your child and i suspect she will terminate contracts unless she has no other children and all activities are within walking distance.
Would you be happy with your child being in pushchair in the snow and rain though if she has to do school runs etc?????
OFSTED also check MOT and Tax and Isurance on childminder cars and you will have to sign a permission slip which should list possible trips etc.

Walking distance - how far is that? Walking distance with one child I would say is different to walking distance with say 6 children. Also all children will be able to walk different distances - a 4 year old I care for will walk 6 miles... whereas I suspect many 4 year old children would not do that distance.

Tethers - are those only used on ISOFIX seats? If so, there is no guarantee that the childminder's car will have ISOFIX seat anchors.

i chose a childminder as i thought it might be best for her to be looked after by one person rather than many. and when i originally was looking for childminders i didn't even consider they might kids about! don't know why!!
and my dd is aged one and i intend to keep her rear facing until she is 4. this is recommended by the road safety officers in essex, who had/have their kids in rear facing seats until this age (like scandinavian countries) due to the overwhelming evidence that it is the safest way, and not just slightly safer, much much safer!!!

Nannynick- Then that must surely be our advice. Talk to the childminder,ask for some reassurance and any relevant information needed, and then if necessary, try and find a compromise and make alternative arrangement in relation to the car seat, perhaps.

I think this was the line where i assumed car trips might not be an option: 'Is it acceptable to ask her not to take her out in the car?'.

Anyway, i hope i haven't rubbed anyone up the wrong way. I am a nice person, honest

I completely understand how you feel op. I am neurotic about car safety and with ds1 I found it really difficult to let him travel in the car with anyone other than myself driving. (which is madness as I am probably the worst driver!!!) After three children I have completely relaxed and as long as they have car seats that I have checked are fitted correctly I am fairly easy going. Not much help to you but just wanted to say you are not the only one worry.

OP I'm with you on the car seat safety issue - I think every mum has a few "THINGS" which are not negotiable and car seats is definatley one of mine.

I don't know what seat you are currently using in your car, but woud this be a suitable alternative to buy to put in her car?

this one

Mollynp - you are certainly right to worry about how your DD is transported. I feel that you need to discuss it with your CM.

You can't ask that your DD isn't taken out in the car - you are the service user, not the Childminders sole employer. So I do not feel you are able to dictate the terms.
But if you aren't happy with the service being provided, you can certainly terminate the contract (by providing notice under the notice period clause of the contract) and using another childcare provider.

a lot of rear facing seats are tethered to the car seat in front, unless they are isofix with a supporting leg.
and by walking distance i mean 5-10 minutes.

• i don't care if she's taken out in the snow or rain, what did people do before cars?!! and the britax seat is only rear facing until 13kg, then it has to be forward facing, so in this seat she would only be rear facing for another year, so it would probably be a waste of money

Asking for your DD not to be driven would mean that none of the other children could be driven either - their parents might not want them to miss out on trips or have to walk in the snow or rain.

If you employ a nanny then you can dictate things like driving.

But how old are her other mindees? Are they actually capable of walking everywhere, or being taken everywhere by buggy?

Seriously, as reasonable as it may seem to you to make these decisions, your child is not the only mindee and therefore you cannot dictate terms. You can only choose whether or not to use her service.

What a strange thread, if youre not happy with the childminder using a car choose a minder that walks everywhere, she will need to be in walking distance of all the activities that she goes to. Otherwise when you sign contracts you should be shown her class 1 business insurance and public liability you also should be shown the car seats and be asked to sign permission forms for using them.If you prefer to supply a new seat that should be fine, I wouldn't have a problem with that if I had the storage space, and it was easy to fit.
I always show parents my car and the fitted seats and will make sure the straps are correct for the child, I do this before they start so no rushing on the first day. I have to use my car as the toddler groups I go to are 20 mins in the car and too far to walk, I also go to farm parks etc. You can not tell her to not use the car unless you want her to only have your child in which case you have to pay for the priviledge. Get a nanny to stay at home or choose a nursery.

hmm I do get your point about the 13kg, but on the other hand they are currently reduced to £99.99 in toys r us - from my pov £99.99 for a years safety would be reasonable. I've got 4 children and still know I can't guarantee where we will be or what we will be doing in a year. I bought the seat in question when I unexpectedly had to go back to work for a month when dd2 was 10 mnths - it gave me peace of mind at the time and was a better option than £200.00

I agree with nanny nick tbh, speak with the cm. I'm sure you won't be the 1st parent to ask her for info and you are going to feel uncomfortable otherwise.

good luck..

you can certainly ask your cm if she wont drive your dd - but she is entitled to say no and then not want to look after your child

a cm is se and will do what THEY want

if you want total control then you need to employ a nanny (and prob be double the cost)

I have been doing an emergancy temp nanny job for the last few weeks where mummy said no driving ( i knew this when i started&was only temp so i agreed) but god I was bored

there are only so many places you can walk to(if i ever see the park near me again,it will be too soon ) - i had 21mth twins & a HUGE double mountian stroller where a cm will have several children to consider and prob will be walking ages

rear facing seats do seem to be safer, and again you are quite in your rights to want your dd to be in one - so if thats the compromise you both make then so be

Totally agree with danthe4th.

I note that you consider 'walking distance' to be 5-10 minutes. This means that if you ban your CM from taking your dd in her car, you are effectively confining the CM and all her other mindees to her home and the immediate vicinity whenever your dd is with her. If the car thing is non-negotiable (and I am not judging on that - my own children are now a lot older and guidelines have changed and, goodness knows, 'safety first' is a good rule to stick to), then you need to be prepared for a LOT more walking than 5-10 mins. I have used a CM who doesn't drive (i.e. hasn't passed her test, so it's not an option) for the last 6 years. The amount of walking she does has varied a bit, depending on when children have been at school/nursery (full-/part-time). Now, she only has my two after school, but at one stage she collected dd2 from nursery at midday, walked back to her house (15 mins), walked back with dd2 to pick up dd1 from school at 3.00 (another 15 mins) and then all three of them walked home again (another 15 mins). Sometimes they'd then pop into town or go to the park... If your dd is not going to be allowed to go in the car, you need to be prepared for her to be out and about for up to an hour a day (obviously not walking herself at age 1, but maybe at some point in the future) in all weathers. I am fine with this, but I know that not everyone would be.

So, I guess you need to consider where you are prepared to compromise, and if it's not on the car-seat (which, as I said, is fair enough) then accept that it might need to be somewhere else. (And if necessary/feasible, that might mean considering alternative forms of childcare - nanny/nursery.)

It's also worth bearing in mind (without wanting to scaremonger) that a boy-racer could equally mount a pavement and knock over a child walking. Indeed, this did happen to a child a friend of mine used to teach. It's a terrifying thing to acknowledge, but it's almost impossible to guarantee 100% that our children will always be perfectly safe...

PS Just read that back and the last bit sounds a bit crap. Obviously I am not saying that therefore we shouldn't try to keep them safe...

Might sound a bit thick here, but op, if you intend to keep your dc in a rear facing seat until they are 4yrs old, where do their legs go . The regulations change month in and month out - when I had ds 4yrs ago we were told not to put rear facing seats in the back seat incase you had a crash and they got showered with glass.

As a cm, I would refuse to take a child on if a parent insisted I couldn't take them out in the car. As has been said previously, we look after children of different ages who can walk for different lengths of time. if I had a child to drop off at school and it was pissing down with rain like we've had over the last few days there is noooo way I would get all of us drenched - and make child going to school sit in wet clothes all day - because 1 parent objected to me using the car. You have to trust your cm - ask to see her insurance and mot certificate. Dents in a car aren't necessarily her fault.

Also, you are not her emploer - you are using the service that she is providing and part of that service is to take your dc out occasionally in her car. If you are not happy with that you need to find a cm who doesnt drivfe.

I do offer parents the option of providing their own car seat, but I wouldn't be happy with taking one in and out of the car all the time, especially if it was a heavy, bulky or fiddly one, nor would I be happy to have another car seat to store in my home, so if they want to provide their own, it has to stay in the car. So far no-one has taken up that option. It would also only be practicable if the child was full time, as swapping car seats about is not something I would do by choice (and how do I keep a close eye on the children while messing about with changing car seats?) . I also agree that it would be unreasonable to try to restrict her movements and the other children's experiences by trying to impose your own preferences on the whole family. It's a bit late to start thinking you don't see why she can't walk here there and everywhere after agreeing to use her services. If that is a big issue for you, it's something you should have looked at before choosing a childminder, and maybe chosen one who doesn't drive.

Hi

As a childminder can I reassure about all the damage seen on her car. My cars always get trashed on the paintwork by all the children who lean all over it as they queue to get in (zips and school bags). Also it is a big car so gets beaten up by other car doors in carparks. I have never ever had an accident/scrape but my cars look like I have played dodgems.

My car has the option of turning the actual car seats around to face rearwards.

I think the answer is simple, if being driven around is a big issue for you, then this CM is not the right CM for you and tbh if this is a big issue for you, I'm a bit mystified as to why you signed a contract with her. When I was looking for CMs, I wanted one that would provide food. So although I saw two perfectly nice CMs I would have been happy to leave my DS with, the fact that they didn't provide food meant that they weren't the right CMs for me.

On the other hand, I live in central London and driving is really not necessary. If you live in the middle of nowhere and all the CMs are likely to drive their charges around, then I think you need to explore other childcare options if this issue is going to make you so anxious.

I had some parents wanted to provide a lie flat car seat for their baby. In theory, I would be happy to accommodate them, but the lie flat seat takes up 2 spaces in the car and I would not be able to get all the other children in, so I had to say no. They still decided to come to me. I have seats which turn around, so three of the children can still sit rear facing (normally the youngest three).

Like the others, my car has been trashed by the children and the other drivers in car parks, school runs, etc, but has not been crashed.

hi i'm a cm and wouldn't not drive with my children! sorry! i have a rf car seat for ds (2way elite) and would also want him rf in other peoples cars. i would see if cm agress to you getting an extra set of tether straps in her car and leaving them there and that way you can just put the car seat in. however you would have to do it as cm would probably be too busy in the mornings-that's why i provide the car seats! either that or just get another rf car seat! expensive but worth it for your peace of mind, or if this really won't settle you then i'd look elsewhere.

underpaidandoverworked there is extra room for their legs-they're not like baby rf car seats, just like a group 1 only facing the other way iykwim. have a look on www.rearfacing.co.uk ds's car seat will last until he's ablut 6 rf!

May I just add a small note of caution - even if you provided a rear facing larger car seat, her car may not have long enough straps to accommodate it.....which we found out after trying to fit my ginormous 7m old ds into a different car seat (picture me outside Mothercare with an assistant telling me she woulnd't sell me a stage 2 due to his age, but then trying a failing to either get ds into current seat or into rear facing one....fun times!)

You trust her enough to look after your dd, yet not to drive with her? You either trust her, or you don't!