A tiny bit suspicious of nanny references

[SlicedMelon]

So we have offered a lovely nanny the role and she has provided two references, first name with phone number. I’ve spoken to one who sounded honestly a bit nervous and referenced their child’s ages as exactly the “starting age” of the children in the role as described in her CV (eg said, my two daughters, 5 months and 2 years old rather than 5 and 7 which would be how old they are now - I just feel like a genuine parent would have described children as 5 and 7 and then said something like she started when youngest was a few months old or something like that rather than the exact starting ages?).

I’ve followed up and asked for his full name and wife’s full name and his work email, which he provided, but he doesn’t come up on LinkedIn / neither does company, although there is a website. Is there any other step I could reasonably do to verify this role existed?

I really like her but also don’t want to be relaxed about this considering my spidey senses are going off a bit… could I ask for payslips or something?

What are you talking about? I’ve had a single call with each referee and asked politely if I could email a work email to briefly confirm dates of employment so that I had it in writing for my records (and so that I could verify their full name but I didn't say that part). No one was terrorised.

Great to know thank you, you sound very professional - I’ll ask for this next time.

A good starting point might be saying from the off don't apply without a dbs in hand.

Anyone can also set up a fake FB profile. I'd never give out my work email either but you could look me up on linked in and see I have tens of colleagues in the same office. I'm not a spy. I could email you from work on the understanding it's a one off.

Being a lier and looking after my kids would be a deal breaker. How could ever trust them?

Also I know its extreme but I know of a pedo who has been in prison multiple times for a string of serious offences. He had a wife and tiny kids. Your telling me his wife never knew and got suspicious when he was alone with the playdates? She must have known. If not straight away eventually ( prison) but she still arranged the play dates anyway. So yes anyone can be a wrongun. But why risk a dodgy lier?

Some people are lying about the most horrible things. There's a million tiny white lies to cover the bigger story up. She sounds truly untrustworthy worthy. It's quite a Web of lies all together and she is surrounded by liers. Why?

I wonder what she has been doing for the last 10 years that has meant she has no references...

It sounds like she really messed up thinking fake references would be better than no references and would help her get the job. For a job folding clothes and serving customers, maybe; working with young, vulnerable children? No.

Have you let her know she won't be getting the job?!

Well, for a start, at the very least, she should have an enhanced DBS. If she can't provide that, I would be very worried.

References are difficult. She might have been utterly conscientious but the children and their mother might have been revolting. It's certainly not unknown and people can be spiteful.

However, the DBS and the First Aid certification are the first things I'd be asking about. If one of the referees might be prepared to do a Zoom call (pretty ordinary, these days), that might help.

Really? So being a contractor who goes from contract to contract, with gaps in between to recover, and having a husband who works for an investment bank and absolutely cannot use his work email for personal matters (hell, even I don't know his work email!) makes me untrustworthy? Nice to know!

If you are giving a reference for a nanny, what would you do so the next employer can verify you are genuine?

But you can get references no? So there's other ways to validate your genuine.

It doesn’t make you untrustworthy at all, it just makes you unverifiable and means I would ask for an alternative reference.

She came to the interview with a tidy folder with DBS, first aid certificates etc - she said her DBS was expired and she would need an updated one for this role. My plan was to get photocopies of these documents and verify them all but she failed the reference check so I haven’t reviewed documents yet and obviously no need to now.

Yes, she hasn’t replied.

Yes, she hasn’t replied.

Sorry, I missed that! What did you say to her?

I’m glad you got to the bottom of it @SlicedMelon seems like she got herself in a mess with the lies when it was probably not necessary if she had just been honest. I’d be fine with being asked for alternative references or ways to prove stuff, it’s common place these days to do fairly stringent checking even for non-childcare/non-security roles etc.

I just said what I feel which is that I thought she was great and was really looking forward to working with her but unfortunately after reviewing her references it appears that they are not legitimate. That I’m disappointed because, whilst formal nanny experience wasn’t a requirement, honesty is and I can’t see how we can proceed with hiring her.

The fact that she hasn’t messaged me back to at least apologise makes me feel better about my choice (not that I was on the fence, before the vultures attack!!). Just if she had messaged back straight away apologising and coming clean with her actual experience and reasons for false references then it would have confirmed my idea that she was essentially good just silly. But not even replying makes her seem more scammy. Although I guess she could just be embarrassed as well.

Surely any professional reference should be written, with full visibility of the person giving it? In the case of a nanny for your DC that should be absolutely a given imo, but perhaps I am out of date on such.

I reccomend the Bubble app, you can check reviews.

You did the right thing OP. People are so dishonest.

A good reply

be interesting if she replies and what she says

you do really need to report her to childcare Tbh Richard will prob do nothing

you could review her and say she lied /did false references

I'd be happy to meet them in a coffee shop, which I've done before for people proposing to use builders that we used.

Just think back to what people did in the 90s before email was so ubiquitous

There’s a similar function in Microsoft Office where you can upload your photo to your profile and it will be shown on your Teams interactions and on email headers. However most organisations, like mine, only show the photo on internal emails and Teams messages/ calls/ meetings. Having it on external communications is very problematic and indicates an organisation that doesn’t have a firm grasp of cyber security.

Great response about honesty OP. Well done for diligently following up on your instincts.

I suspect there’s no response she’s both embarrassed and nervous she’ll be reported to childcare.co.uk or even (if she’s very anxious) worried that you’ll report her to the police for intending to defraud with false documentation (acknowledging what she did would be a a slam-dunk for a prosecution!)