A tiny bit suspicious of nanny references

[SlicedMelon]

So we have offered a lovely nanny the role and she has provided two references, first name with phone number. I’ve spoken to one who sounded honestly a bit nervous and referenced their child’s ages as exactly the “starting age” of the children in the role as described in her CV (eg said, my two daughters, 5 months and 2 years old rather than 5 and 7 which would be how old they are now - I just feel like a genuine parent would have described children as 5 and 7 and then said something like she started when youngest was a few months old or something like that rather than the exact starting ages?).

I’ve followed up and asked for his full name and wife’s full name and his work email, which he provided, but he doesn’t come up on LinkedIn / neither does company, although there is a website. Is there any other step I could reasonably do to verify this role existed?

I really like her but also don’t want to be relaxed about this considering my spidey senses are going off a bit… could I ask for payslips or something?

It is really obvious when nanny referees are fake. I had one that was clearly the woman’s mother. She gave short, overly positive answers and got quite flustered and angry when I asked if she had any concerns or issues with the Nanny. Genuine referees don’t mind this question at all. They also talk quite a bit and go into a lot of detail.

Agencies have phoned me for references for our ex nanny and I was shocked at how little they ask. They want to know that they are who they say they are and what dates they worked for you. That is it. They make out that they check references thoroughly but they really don’t. I would never get a nanny from an agency after that.

This all sounds very wierd.

If she has made up references then why is she lieing?

Follow your gut and find someone else.

I know, if you called any of my employers, some of whom employed me 20 years ago, they would all have a lovely and honest chat with you. (even though their children are now all grown up).
When there is nothing to hide, their is nothing to hide and the conversation will flow normally and you will get a feel that they are a normal person giving a normal reference.

Look for someone else

The age thing and asking for the current age is a big red flag. That should be something that you know. She asked you to repeat it like someone was taking note.

So because I asked for his work email he emailed me on that and it had his photo in his signature. Then when I found her social media after some digging they were the same man. Everything was public so there wasn’t much attempt made to hide the lies! Very odd.

Best case scenario, this is just silly behaviour from a perfectly nice person. You can’t employ her, but you should have a chat with her about why. She needs to understand that not having much experience could be fine, but trying to deceive is a no.

I question your reading comprehension! Quite obviously the whole situation is dodgy as hell! I was saying that SHE doesn’t seem dodgy, she totally got through all of my spidey senses and even knowing what I know now, her photos etc are all genuinely just the most wholesome things - ie you just never know with people and therefore 100% everyone needs to check references, verify identity and never ever just go with vibes!

Not really odd

she was thick as well as sneaky

Op how did you find her? Agency?

He had his photo in this work signature? Goodness, that’s odd in itself

Yes I’m going to send her a message explaining that we really liked her but sadly her references are not legitimate and say that it’s a real shame because formal nanny experience wasn’t actually a requirement for the role and probably wouldn’t be for a lot of families - that she’s better being honest about experience in future because she interviews brilliantly.

I personally am effed as need to go back to work in three weeks and all the good nannies are probably gone by now! 😩

What a load of waffle

“you lied about references, so absolutely I will not be employing you”

Yes it was all very professional and swish. Was quite reassuring if it hadn’t turned out to be her husband lol.

How did you hear about the nanny op? Multiple times you’ve been asked

A photo in work signature isn’t “swish”

it’s weird. Never come across this before

Ask her why she fudged the reference with her husband, you've got nothing to lose

Lots of nannies will be on 4 weeks notice so if they are looking because they don’t like their current role, you will only need to find solutions for a few days. Likewise there will be some who are still working out their notice periods because the employers have made other arrangements and it’s not uncommon in those cases for them to leave their old role a bit earlier than had been planned (in my experience of having had 4 nannies over about 16 years for my 3 children)

Thanks for sharing your experience - sounds very similar and same website

Okay thank you that’s reassuring! I assumed there would be a big back to school change over for kids that are aging out of needing a nanny - but you’re right that nannies are normal employees who quit for all sorts of reasons.

No it’s not. My last 3 workplaces have all used google and gmail and this is standard for professional gmail addresses.

Sooooooo

If it was an agency (which for some reason you don’t want to clarify), you report surely?

Was through childcare.co.uk no agency. I think there is a review function but I suppose nothing to stop her just making a new account.

Sorry?

You mean there’s been a photo of the sender in their work signature?

Bingo, finally

so presumably you’re going to report?

No way would I consider her after those references.

Starting over to look for someone else is worth the time when it’s your child!

If you genuinely like her that much you could give her a second chance to interview honestly with an honest cv, honest answers and real references but on the flipside you will always know how far she will go with a lie and have that at the back of your mind, and it isn't exactly a glowing character reference that she did.