A tiny bit suspicious of nanny references

[SlicedMelon]

So we have offered a lovely nanny the role and she has provided two references, first name with phone number. I’ve spoken to one who sounded honestly a bit nervous and referenced their child’s ages as exactly the “starting age” of the children in the role as described in her CV (eg said, my two daughters, 5 months and 2 years old rather than 5 and 7 which would be how old they are now - I just feel like a genuine parent would have described children as 5 and 7 and then said something like she started when youngest was a few months old or something like that rather than the exact starting ages?).

I’ve followed up and asked for his full name and wife’s full name and his work email, which he provided, but he doesn’t come up on LinkedIn / neither does company, although there is a website. Is there any other step I could reasonably do to verify this role existed?

I really like her but also don’t want to be relaxed about this considering my spidey senses are going off a bit… could I ask for payslips or something?

Have you interviewed anyone else suitable?

Just go with your gut - at least you phoned the references, most people dont! Honestly, ditch this 'fabulous' nanny - she obviously isn't one is she?

We’ve employed nanny’s and I’ve provided references. OP there’s no way I could provide you with my work email, nor would I be searchable on social media - though I suspect googling my name (were I to share my professional name which differs from my everyday) could at least link you to some of my work (albeit dated). Everything else is private. In short; my workplace doesn’t employ the nanny - I do - therefore the information I can share is personal. I couldn’t even share exact details of where I work and my work email “blocks” external contacts very frequently.

And in truth, I’m happy to talk about my children’s approximate ages, but with three, I’d likely have to pause if asked for exact ages at start/end and would be embarrassed not to know (eg. My head will remember what age each child started with someone at, ie middle child nanny started when they were 6/7 months ish, now they are 4 years old…but id not instinctively know without doing the maths what age that made the older one!)

@Callmemummynotmaaa thank you for that insight and that’s really interesting - I wouldn’t have thought it would be an issue but very good to know that it’s not an immediate red flag.

To be clear, reference one did share work email and reference two verbally said that was absolutely fine, and then followed up to say her work email was actually blocked - which is the red flag part for me - if she’d been clear on the phone that she wasn’t comfortable sharing a work email then it wouldn’t have been such an issue.

Although generally I find it quite odd that everyone hiring a nanny is just taking a name and phone number with no way to verify that the reference is who they say they are! Seems a bit relaxed to me as so easy to fake a reference, and someone willing to be identified professionally is at least a layer of protection that they are legit, but it is my first time doing this so happy to accept I’m just being a bit OTT.

The question at issue wasn’t what age children was when nanny started - I agree that naturally a parent might not actually remember this - however both referees answered this immediately - this was also information on her CV.

The question to verify if they were real parents was “oh how old are they now?” Which I’m pretty sure you would be able to answer easily but someone who was for eg, a friend who had the CV to hand, might not be able to quickly calculate how old their fake children are now - that was the question both referees had trouble with.

I know I probably have to do this - she just seemed so perfect. And truthfully, I wouldn’t have actually minded if she had scant nannying experience - I am very open to giving someone a chance if they have a fantastic attitude - so her fake references were not even necessary to get the role! She could have told me she was a cleaner and wanting to move into nannying and if she had given the answers she did I would have hired her anyway.

I think I’d be tempted to phone one of the referees back, and explain that you’re a bit nervous about whether Theyre a real referee. How did they get comfortable when they hired her.

Their response might be quite telling.

I agree that it is a really difficult area. It can be possible to get reassurance by using a recommendation from someone whom you already know (only really works for babysitters) or by recruiting a nanny who has previously worked for a nursery or school.

Some nannies are Ofsted registered of course, but there is no requirement to register.

Fundamentally, if you have doubts, don’t go ahead.

What on earth is the issue with a work email? I think the references are lying OP.

I Always put the ages the children were in my cv when I started the job.

Do you know what I think you should do?
If you really liked her at interview, give her a chance.

You'll figure out very quickly if she's a good fit. Install nanny cams for your peace of mind.

I employed quite a few many years ago, and I honestly didn't pay very much attention to the references.

The best nanny we ever had was a young French girl who had never been a nanny before. She was intelligent, kind, organised, a decent cook, and the children loved her.

I employed one who had great references, and she was a bugger for using our telephone, all day long. I liked her, but had to dock her pay several times, because the bill was awful.

Oh Jesus Christ I wouldn’t touch little ones with a ten foot barge pole. I had their 'top' nanny arrested and prosecuted. The lies she told them that they took as gospel without checking and then used them to advertise her 🤦🏼‍♀️

Cameras! Ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️

Surely someone giving a reference for a nanny they employed would use their personal email address not their work address as they are employing the nanny in a personal capacity it's nothing to do with their work

I would have been able to give you a work email address for my last job, but absolutely not for my current job, which is in the civil service. Hard no.

I’ve hired three nannies in my time, Two were splendid (the last one was with our family for more that a decade and remains a good friend) - in neither case did I bother with references because both were so clearly perfect for the job. The third was bloody awful, and was very lucky not to get sacked. Ironically I did take her references up and they seemed fine. I honestly don’t think nanny references are worth all that much, truth to tell.

If you’re suspicious that she has provided fake references, and you’ve actually been talking to two of her friends instead, might it work to phone the reception/main phone number of where each say they work and ask for the person? To see if you get the same person you’ve just spoken to for the reference.

I would definitely steer clear no matter how well she interviewed, it sounds like she’s made up her CV (as likely had issues with previous employers). It’s unfortunately quite common. There’s no real way to verify when it comes to nanny referees as most employers won’t give their work email but I agree 100% that it’s odd they couldn’t immediately answer their child’s current ages, massive red flag.

It's easy to check if they're fake references.

Call one of them back. Super friendly. Thank you so much for your time the other day, sorry to bother you, I forgot to mention one thing. We're considering a bit of an extended trip to Europe next year and we'll need our nanny to join us. Claire told me that she'd actually travelled with you when your children were about the same age! I think she said around France? How did you find it?

Orrrr...any outlandish lie and see if they go with it! If they're confused you can just say you must have been thinking of another candidate.

They are both fake and she's heavily involved in all this. All of them are lying to you. You would have to be insane to let her near your children.

They are fake. Which means you've no idea what she's actually been doing for the time she put down as nannying on her CV. It could be totally benign, or she's spent the past few years in a foreign prison for abusing children. You just can't tell (too many safer recruitment coursees for me).

If she'd told the truth and had just been working in retail or had dropped out of a college course then at least you'd know she is honest and doesn't encourage others to lie on her behalf. Do you want her to persuade your children to lie about what they've been up to with her?

Why would you even go further with this? If you're nervous now imagine how nervous you'll be when this stranger is in charge of your children.

Yes this. I never use my work email for personal matters, though it is possible to Google me. My DH however would absolutely not be allowed to use his work email and neither is he on LinkedIn or any social media due to the nature of his job.

Part of me wants to do this, there is a probation period after all, and I will be with her for a settling in week anyway - her vibes were just really wonderful in person. I can imagine a nanny with legit professional nursery etc references who isn’t actually that lovely as a person and know references don’t guarantee anything! But the other part of me agrees with PPs saying I would be insane to proceed esp poster who brings up the question of what was she actually doing in the ten year reference period? I mean probably something very normal and she’s just made up 10 years of nannying so that she can command a good hourly rate vs a newbie… my hairdresser who I filled in today says I should just confront her - “I really like you but your references are dodgy, care to explain?” Sort of thing.

Can you ring again and either be another employer to be asking for a ref or yes do the white lie to them and see if they query it

if she is such a great nanny then why is she waiting for a dbs and not on the update service and Renew yearly for £13?

has she only had these two jobs ? Her p60 would have the name of her last employer on it. Is this the name you are asking for ?

Omg what an update - I have found her instragram page and her first reference turns out to be her husband, so many photos of them together including their wedding! 🤦🏼‍♀️

On the positive side they look super super cute together and I like her more based on her instagram profile, apart from the glaring issue of the fraudulent references. At least now I don’t have to feel guilty about doubting her.

Strangely I still feel quite fond of her, even her husband has a super sweet face. I am a very good judge of character generally and don’t find her dodgy at all.