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Original poster

Can I give my nearly naked nanny notice...advice?

149 replies

helpwithnanny · 21/05/2008 18:01

As some of you will know from my previous thread I have been having 'issues' about my live in nanny wandering about half starkers all the time with norks on full display!! She has had a verbal and written warning but hasn't managed to put them away pull up her socks and Im feeling the need to quit and think alternatives. I have been chatting to a lovely lady locally who is a childminder. She is fab. Not only could she have them both for exactly the right hours but she will cost us WAY less than the current nanny and of course offer the benefit of not having a live in hanging about!
What Im asking I guess if what do you think is the best way to break the news to the ex nanny?
I could if I was that way inclined issue another written warning for the norks hanging out at which point I could sack her! (Im assuming anyway as contract states 1 verbal, 2 written). Im tempted as she has been a bit of a moo. But at the same time she is generally a nice girl and this option leaves her homeless (although her parents and boyfriend are both living locally) and I don't want to ruin the poor girls career by sacking her blah blah
At the same time if I give her notice Im stuck with her norks in my face for another month!
I guess I could pay her off but thats a hell of a lot of money!
Cant think of a better way of doing it, being legal and not costing me a fortune.

HELP!

K.

OP posts:
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NotABanana · 23/05/2008 13:59

OMG I want to laugh because she has gone but what behaviour. I really hope she puts you down as a referee........

NotABanana · 23/05/2008 14:01

I would contact the police too. She can't be allowed to get away with this.

Are the children happy?

cali · 23/05/2008 14:13

Do you have her parent's address/phone number? If you do, get in touch with them and say that she left in such a hurry that she has packed up some of your items by mistake, could you come over and pick them up!
Was she from an agency?

jura · 23/05/2008 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeanBeans · 23/05/2008 14:59

Isn't it amazing that these aliens live among us pretending to be normal.

Well at least you can subtract the damage from the salary (if it covers it) AND you didn't have to pay notice AND you have alternative plans. Bet you don't care much about her career now though

BTW if police gives her a caution for the theft (she has to admit to it AND agree to be cautioned instead of charged), it will come up on her CRB in future.

mummypoppins · 23/05/2008 15:09

TBh I wouldnt pay her any money at all even this months wages. If she dares to come running to ask for it I would tell her you will inform the police about the theft. She will never work as nanny or childcarer again without a clean CRB check.

What a disgarec........seems your instincts were right all along!

MinkyBorage · 23/05/2008 15:32

Police! What a poisonous cow. I initially liked Cali's idea bout calling her parents to diplomatically ask for your stuff back, but it would be so much better for the police to catch her red handed.

CarGirl · 23/05/2008 16:19

I would contact the police too

NotABanana · 23/05/2008 16:20

Police or parents.

She can't be allowed to get away with this.

sitdownpleasegeorge · 23/05/2008 16:33

Echoing the advice of police or her parents - you definitely need to let her know that she won't be walking all over you during the departure phase and that if anyone is a muppet she is for stealing and blighting her CRB record.

She needs a wake-up call.

Do some women think that they are superior and have a right to act anyhow they please just because their arse looks OK in a thong and their tits are still full and perky.

bramblebooks · 23/05/2008 16:41

Glad she's gone, but as the others say, police and parents - for the theft, which she could conceal, and the graffitti, which she cannot conceal. She can't be allowed to do this to another family and to get away with what she's done to yours.

theicepopqueen · 23/05/2008 16:44

and for you but thank god she has gone.
I would absolutely do something re the theft of your belongings, she sounds like a complete madam. I would try the parents first and then you have no alternative to contact the police. I wouldn't want her looking after my dds and I am sure you wouldn't employ her knowing what you know now, so really it is only fair on any prespective employers to be fully in the picture

squiffy · 23/05/2008 16:58

Yep, you need to call the police. Anyone with that attitude is not fit to look after children and it needs to be on her CRB. And besides, it will make you feel so much better (I speak from experience...)

LyraSilvertongue · 23/05/2008 17:00

Tbh, I don't think she deserves any wages at all. She's walked out, she's stolen your property. She's damaged your home. Don't give her another penny. If she doesn't like it, what's she going to do? Go to the police? Not after she's taken your things, she's not.

LyraSilvertongue · 23/05/2008 17:00

And she gave you no notice that she was leaving. She's breached her contract, therefore she's entitled to nothing.

Original poster
helpwithnanny · 23/05/2008 17:08

Thanks for the advice.

TBH Im just going to let it go. Im just SO glad she is gone. The stuff she has taken and the repairs I will take from her wages which I guess wont leave much.

I could report her to the police but I don't have any proof that she has taken the stuff, it would be my word against hers. TBH I just don't ever want to see her again!!!

Will chalk it up to experience!

OP posts:
annh · 23/05/2008 17:11

But would you want her to do this to another family? Which she will be able to do if she retains a clear CRB check. I think at least alerting the silly b%^&h to the potential ramifications of her childish behaviour would be good. Did you employ her via an agency?

NotABanana · 23/05/2008 17:17

TBH I think you owe it to potential employers to alert them. How would you feel if you found out she had done this before but past employers didn't bother to tell you as they were just glad to see the back of her?

charliegal · 23/05/2008 17:17

i am amazed you are talking about sorting out her wages!truly, you are too nice.

LyraSilvertongue · 23/05/2008 17:24

Please, don't give her a penny.

flowerybeanbag · 23/05/2008 17:31

I have to agree with NAB and annh. I think I would feel a bit of a duty towards potential future employers and their children to take it a bit further tbh

sleepyeyes · 23/05/2008 17:43

AS an ex-nanny I know plenty of other nannies who after leaving a position (even if it was 6 months or more) will lie on thier CV and say they went travelling or were unemployed or looking after sick relative etc.

If it was me I would put a profile of her both on nannyjob and Gumtree and warning people off her.
There did used to be few years ago a website that employers of nannies/aupairs could do such a thing in order to warn other parents.

Another Idea would be to contact her last emloyer and explain whats gone on with her, they may be less inclined to give a good reference.

Original poster
helpwithnanny · 23/05/2008 18:52

I know Im being too nice but...

-she did work for us for 4 months without any problems, seriously she was fine! It was only when the nice weather started that we had 'issues' and she obviously thinks that we were being just as unreasonable.

  • I spoke to 2 references both of whom had no complaints about her. Ok so they didn't rave about her, but they were fine.
  • Yes, she was very rude to me. But I did come down quite hard on her. I gave her a verbal and a written warning and I was fairly opinionated about how she should behave.
  • I was going to sack the girl! If I were in her position I would have been in a right old mood too. Which doesn't excuse her departing behaviour but helps explain it!

Im hoping that she has learnt some lessons too! Im not sure after us she wont fancy a career change!

I don't want to ruin her career by getting it on her crb etc. So it didn't work out with us. Thats not to say she couldn't be a great nanny for another family. If I hadn't had an issue with her 'norks' then she wouldn't have got arsey and upset with us and we may have all jogged along nicely for a couple of years.

Shes young and stupid and she deserves a second chance! Shes not dangerous or evil..just a bit ermmm exhibitionist, lazy and devious!

I have already told the agency EXACTLY what I thought of her...and I don't think they will be replacing her!

OP posts:
JamInMyWellies · 23/05/2008 19:02

I hope you get your agency fee back. I nannied for donkeys yrs and there was defo a code of dress when live in and in a couple of positions I actually had a code of dress and acode of conduct for behaviour during and out of work hours.

flowerybeanbag · 23/05/2008 19:14

Not going to push you obviously. But the thing that would have concerned me was not her unsuitable dress as such, more her attitude towards her employers when it was raised. That attitude 'came out' because of the clothing (or lack of) issue, but if it hadn't been that issue it would have been something else where she disagreed with your opinion, and next time it could have been something more important to do with the care of your children.

Similarly, you are right it was understandable her being cross because it became clear her days were numbered. However, lashing out and saying unpleasant things in a young and stupid way is one thing - that you could say someone deserves a second chance over, but stealing is something quite different. As a nanny she lives in people's homes and I think I would be very angry if I employed her then found out she'd stolen from a previous employer but nothing had been done about it.

Of course you must do what you think is the right thing, and I'm not going to push my opinion any more. I am sure you are feeling very relieved it's over anyway, and I am really glad you have found such a lovely childminder.