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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Help with my nanny.

49 replies

Helpwithnanny · 09/05/2008 16:56

Hi,

Been lurking a while and have got some great info from here but have a bit of an issue with my nanny and would love some advice on how to deal with it please.

She's been with us for 4mnths and all has been fine. She is great at her job and we all really like her. The problem is (and there is no way to say it tactfully) since the weather got hot she has started wearing really low cut tops and sauntering about the house in a slinky nightee. My poor hubby (who Im sure is secretly delighted as nanny is stunning) doesn't know where to look. My Ds is also a bit obsessed with 'them'!

Im just a bit uncomfortable with it. I appreciate that this is her home but neither me or hubby walk about half starkers and I don't know if it would be reasonable to say something and if it is what would I say?

Thanks for your advice

OP posts:

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paros · 11/05/2008 17:51

On wondering trollys thread when she said thin edge of the wedge was she referring to her thong . LOL

Earlybird · 11/05/2008 17:55

What she does/how she dresses on her own time is up to her. But, when she is in your home, she should respect your wishes, as long as they're reasonable.

Her reaction to your requests shows flagrant disrespect for your wishes, and sadly I predict will be a turning point in the employment. It almost sounds as if you've got a stroppy teenager in the house!

mananny · 11/05/2008 18:12

She told you to get a life???

Give her a warning. That is flagrant disrespect not just of yourself personally, but of your (very reasonable) requests to dress appropriately in your home. Ok she lives in and so it's her home too, but she has to understand she has to respect your wishes when it comes to nudity in front of your family. (IMO just wearing a thong and nothing else is basically being naked)

Tell her you want a meeting with her tonight after dinner. Give her a printed request to dress appropriately around your children and yourselves. Then tell her the ball is in her court. She can either comply, or hand in her notice.

Earlybird · 11/05/2008 18:16

Not that it's particularly relevant - but how old is she?

Lovesdogsandcats · 11/05/2008 18:21

Sorry but i would NOT give her a warning, I would sack her...and now.

I would not want someone caring for my children who had an attitude like that..She's showing her true colours now and I would not trust her again so she may as well go.

eandz · 11/05/2008 19:01

i'd have my husband sack her...after making it totally clear that he thought it was distasteful for her to work around himself and our son like that and then to be rude to me (his wife) when I'd spoken to her nicely.

but maybe i'm just a jerk.

nannynick · 11/05/2008 19:12

I feel you can dictate what your employee wears while on duty. I am not sure what you are and are not able to do in that regard, when the employee is not working - but still on premises. Probably worth you giving ACAS a call on Monday, to find out what rights you have as an employer.
Meanwhile, concentrate on what she wears and her attitude, during working hours - make it very clear what you expect to happen (make a written record of your expectations and have her sign it to say that she will comply - then give her a copy).

Original poster

helpwithnanny · 11/05/2008 19:19

Thanks everyone thats all really good advice. This nanny employing thing is not easy!

Will talk to her properly tomorrow.

OP posts:

Earlybird · 11/05/2008 19:26

In theory, she's able to do as she pleases off-duty (as long as it doesn't interfere with her ability to do the job), so technically I imagine it's ok for her, when not working, to sit in the house and get drunk, or have noisy sex in her room, or walk around the house/garden virtually naked. But, here's the catch: it's technically ok, but is it appropriate?

Also, iirc the op stated that some of the revealing clothing was worn to work now that summer has arrived, so the question arises about what is considered professional/acceptable work attire. And then there is the whole other issue of her attitude....

MeanBeans · 11/05/2008 20:05

I would consider what she is doing to be sexual harrassment - creating a hostile sexual environment.

You can work with people who do things you don't like, but you can't work with people with an attitude problem. Attitude is not something you will change by having meetings and discussions. You've already broached it and she's responded in such an immature and unconstructive way. She will resent it if you push it further (even if she pretends not to) and then leave.

You might like her now, but I guarantee her attitude will bring trouble later. So my advice would be: Don't bother. Find an alternative asap.

AtheneNoctua · 11/05/2008 22:59

What?? She was sunbathing in the garden with no top and a thing and nothing else. Oh no no no no no....

You have already done the verbal communication... twice. I would give her a written warning.

Also, I take your point, Nick, that an employee can do what she likes when not at work. However, I feel the rules are different when you live in your employers home. My house = my house rules. So, if you don't want to compy, I guess you can still have your job, but you won't be living in my house. How is that going to work out?

AtheneNoctua · 11/05/2008 23:01

Hey, have you heard about our new nanny employer yahoo group? CAT virginiawolfisnotdead for details.

missiesparkles · 11/05/2008 23:52

mananny why thank you, I was quite proud of that one LOL

helpwithnanny is there not a bit of your contract that states there is a grivence procedure for "inapropriate dress" at all?
mine has one+I'm sure as hell that your problem comes under that! also, I am shocked at her rudeness, I would never speak to my bosses in that way, let alone sunbathe in the garden with just a thong on... in front of children!!! your house, your rules I'm afraid, I'm aware of human rights and blah blah... but its dammed inappropriate iyam

although I think the mere sight of me in a thong would probably scar my charge for life for an entirely different reason..!

windygalestoday · 12/05/2008 00:02

when i trained to be a nursery nurse i was v young and a little funky with my dress- as it turned out my nanny plcement was with a very respected health visitor and doctor and along i went suitably dressed in flowery blouse and cullottes with sandals - imagine my surprise when my tutor turned up 15 mins after i arrived 'to see how i was doing?'and exclaimed loudly in the hallway ' oh thank god youve got clothes on'much to the confusion to my hosts lol- theres a time and a place and clearly your nanny hasnt worked it out.

eandz · 12/05/2008 10:01

yeah, this naked nanny seems to have issues that i would never deal with...ever.

AtheneNoctua · 12/05/2008 12:01

Sooooo... what is she (not) wearing on this nice hot day?

Original poster

helpwithnanny · 12/05/2008 16:15

Well so far so good. Nanny has been the model of good behaviour today. Was dressed decently this morning too. Hubby is going to be home early tonight so I have asked her to join me for a drink round the corner later so we can have a chat about how things are going. Think shes a bit worried. Going to lay down the law about what I think is acceptable dress and behaviour while she is in our home and suggest if she isn't happy with it then she needs to find another position.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

OP posts:

Original poster

helpwithnanny · 12/05/2008 16:16

Have sent a cat about joining the employers group too. Thanks for the invite.

OP posts:

AtheneNoctua · 12/05/2008 16:18

Oh, so what are you going to say? Oh this brings back memories of "Ms Liddleclothes" as DH used to call her.

BTW, I really like the line about 34D or P45. Will have to remember that one. Can't remember who said it.

Squiffy · 13/05/2008 14:55

hahahhaaha

One of my AP's tried to seduce just about everyone under the age of 30 who walked through the door - she terrified most of them (builders, Simon the simplytravel rep at Mousses, the electrician) and her attire was to be seen to be believed. But it got to the stage when I had to lay down the law (the point came when I realised that with one outfit I could, um, tell that she was a 'natural' blond....). Difference was that she was perfectly happy to cover up once it was pointed out to her.

Think you have a deeper problem with your nanny though. she has no respect for you and that probably won't change, even though she now knows she needs to hide this lack of respect a bit better perhaps.

TBH even though your chat may go well and she may reassure you/apologise, I would still be very tempted to give her a formal warning for being (A) Inappropriately attired and (B) Rude. Otherwise you may find yourself in deeper water later on if other things start to come out of the woodwork. In any professional company this kind of disrespect would be recorded by HR and it is no different just because you are in a domestic setting.

Original poster

helpwithnanny · 13/05/2008 16:31

How funny Squiffy. Hope mine doesn't start doing that.

Chat was ok, she has agreed to tone down her dress while working and Im going to ask her to sign an addition to the contract. I will give her a warning if we have any repeat episodes. Hang on for the next installment!

Thanks for you help.

OP posts:

tomwill · 18/05/2008 12:08

Totally tell her. She's so taking the piss. Cover up or P45. She has very little respect.

imananny · 18/05/2008 12:28

OMG - how rude of her

as well as i get on well with my mb, she is STILL my employer and I would NEVER talk to her like that!!

Fair enough she wants to wear a thong to sunbathe, but she can wear it down the public park etc NOT in your garden!!!!

I wear skimpy tops/skirts in summer -I hate strap marks but cert wouldnt wander round semi naked, and espif my mb had asked nicely to cover up

NotABanana · 18/05/2008 13:45

TBH your first mistake was saying you felt uncomfortable and being old.

How old is she?

I am thinking tribunal, hubby making innappropriate comments in her head should it end badly.

I would give her a warning in all honesty saying it is not appropriate to walk around practically naked and in my book it would be a deal breaker.

I can't believe she spoke to you like that!

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