Struggling with how much I should/ shouldn't let slide with my childminder...

[laydownsally]

I get that her job is incredibly hard and she can't give every single kid the same amount of attention all the time, so I have let a lot of stuff slide but I'm just wondering if I'm being a pushover?

Some things that have concerned me..

Picked my daughter up (now just over a year old) and she hasn't had her nappy changed all day, she was there 6 hours

Gave my daughter peanut butter and she had an allergic reaction, also threw up whole chunks of grapes that hadn't been chewed

Swaddles my daughter for a nap with her arms inside the swaddle and an eye mask on

My daughter has never had nappy rash but has got it after a few months of being there

I've just been to pick her up and she had a biscuit wrapper in her mouth..

Honestly don't know if I'm being OTT or a pushover. Started off so well she used to send me pictures throughout the day however now I don't even receive a single text. I'm also never invited into the house handovers are always in the porch with the front door shut.

But my daughter seems to enjoy it there although obviously I don't know for sure as she can't tell me. Ugh so frustrating please knock some sense into me.

My daughter is the same age and every single one of these would be a red flag for me. I think you're right to be concerned, these are safety issues.

@laydownsally did you sign a contract when your dd started with the childminder?

@cyncope She knew my daughter hadn't had peanuts before.

@popgoesperfection Yes.

have you got a copy?

No I don't think I do, why?

It might state in your contract if you are unhappy with the care received you don't have to pay your months notice, so you may be able to have your money refunded.

My kid’s childminder would never do any of these things. No way. How do you know she was in the same nappy? I’d start by having a word, and be finding alternative provision although I know it’s not easy.

14 month old swaddled with an eye mask? What on earth?! All of it …. awful. Please get your lovely child away from this environment.

Good point, although she's already got the money and I highly doubt she would give it back.

She'll give it back if she thinks you might report her for bad practice. I'd definitely move your daughter and I've moved mine before from a nursery for similar but less. Once you get a gut feeling that things don't seem right then act on it. If you feel uncomfortable telling her then say a family member will be minding her or be upfront and say youve lost faith in her

If they’re minding other children it really doesn’t matter, they won’t miss one child that much. Definitely definitely move (the swaddling and mask would send me running tbh)

Just to be very clear OP, she is not swaddling your toddler, she is restraining her.

Swaddling is something you do to newborn so they get the comfort of feeling restricted, like they were in the womb. It is to provide comfort to the baby. Your childminder is restraining and blindfolding your toddler to force her into submission over sleep. It isn't for your child's benefit, it's for the childminder's benefit.

I agree with all of the above apart from the allowing her inside the house. Since covid we are not supposed to allow parents in. It also makes it more long winded and can cause disruption for the remaining children. A handover at the door so we can get back to caring for the remaining children works best. I know. I have tried all different ways and am an outstanding childminder. As a parent you are also not Dbs’d so shouldn’t really be in contact with the other children. That said, the sweet wrapper and not changing a nappy would seriously concern me. Never in 20 years heard of eye masks or swaddling any other than newborns!

The swaddling, eye mask and lack of nappy change are all putting your child at risk. You need to find a new childminder and report this one, even if it is awkward. It’s definitely not as awkward as a dead child (sorry to be dramatic!).

Yes this is definitely not fussy this is unacceptable levels of care. Sorry your dealing with this. I would change.

I'm a childminder.....move her

Yes I know what you mean and you don’t want to complain because it’s difficult but honestly it doesn’t sound like your daughter is getting the best care. Although it’s a hard job I think standards must be kept and therefore nappies changed at certain times of the day at a minimum.

I remember once when I was a childminder one of the parents said she loved the fact that her baby was never dirty and i changed t shirt etc as necessary. I thought it was interesting because it wasn’t something I had consciously thought about but it showed me that it is nice to do as parents likes because then they feel safe with you. Being entrusted with someone’s baby is a huge deal!

The other things are more worrying but the grapes. You say un-chewed chunks. So she had cut them? It is normal for babies that don't have many teeth to swallow things without chewing. I've found chunks of food in my son's nappy, things that he hadn't chewed.

Agree nearly all of these are red flags apart from the handover at door only - my childminder has this policy too but she had it included in the contract and explained to me that this is for safeguarding of the other children. She’s asked me in before if all the other kids have already left and mine is the last one remaining.

I haven’t read the full thread

However I’m not sure it’s necessary to swaddle a 14 month old?

Giving the peanut butter when she claimed to know an allergy might be highly likely given the other allergies is just stupid. I mean did she not believe you?

Leaving a nappy for 6 hours is dreadful

Just because your daughter is not getting abused it doesn’t mean you should tolerate substandard care for her

Id put notice in. Heaps of reasonable excuses you could give

this childminder does not sound safe, swaddling an older child and eye mask are safeguarding issues as are whole grapes. Remove your child immediately.

Please please move her.

There was a nursery local to me where a child died recently. It has since emerged that they were swaddling children for naps, and this contributed to the child’s death.

If children are able to roll they should not be swaddled.

The other stuff you mentioned are all huge red flags too, but that one made my blood run cold. Move her, and report this one.

Swaddling a child this age is horrific! Never heard of anyone using an eye mask on a baby, serious choking hazard.

The grapes look fine (it's the shape and lack of 'give' in uncut grapes that make them dangerous) but the rest gives me chills. Totally unsafe. It takes seconds for a child to choke and not changing a nappy in 6 hours is neglect. Remove her immediately