Struggling with how much I should/ shouldn't let slide with my childminder...

[laydownsally]

I get that her job is incredibly hard and she can't give every single kid the same amount of attention all the time, so I have let a lot of stuff slide but I'm just wondering if I'm being a pushover?

Some things that have concerned me..

Picked my daughter up (now just over a year old) and she hasn't had her nappy changed all day, she was there 6 hours

Gave my daughter peanut butter and she had an allergic reaction, also threw up whole chunks of grapes that hadn't been chewed

Swaddles my daughter for a nap with her arms inside the swaddle and an eye mask on

My daughter has never had nappy rash but has got it after a few months of being there

I've just been to pick her up and she had a biscuit wrapper in her mouth..

Honestly don't know if I'm being OTT or a pushover. Started off so well she used to send me pictures throughout the day however now I don't even receive a single text. I'm also never invited into the house handovers are always in the porch with the front door shut.

But my daughter seems to enjoy it there although obviously I don't know for sure as she can't tell me. Ugh so frustrating please knock some sense into me.

None of those things are Ok except the peanut butter as she didn’t know she had an allergy. Your DD will quickly adapt to a new childminder and I’d be telling the current one why you are taking her out.

@wincarwoo Yh I suppose so.

You have another option!
Its not awkward. You dont even have to say WHY you are changing childminders. And if this one really asks, just say its a family friend!

And what if it is awkward? Just move your child!

I would NOT be happy if a child of mine was given a sleep mask and was swaddled for naps at 14 months old. That alone would make me start looking elsewhere!

Re the peanut allergy, I don’t know what you mean by she had an allergic reaction … unlikely to be anaphylactic shock from the way you refer to it. If it was a peanut allergy this is serious not trivial. Any further episodes can be more or less serious, see if you need to carry an epi pen.

I also don’t see how a baby could swallow a grape whole without serious choking, let alone bring it up whole again?

You have a fear she’d be more lax with your child if she knew she was leaving … With these reservations I’d never leave the child there again.

A biscuit wrapper in her mouth? Are you mad? Take her out.

Find a new childminder! You could also report some of these things to Ofsted as massive safeguarding concerns - just the swaddling alone would justify it. Jesus.

None of that is acceptable

I’m very relaxed but that’s a set of dealbreakers for me.

Safety first.

@Tumbler2121 Her lips swelled up and she vomited, had a skin prick test just last week and they confirmed she is allergic. Here's a picture for reference lol, they weren't whole but were still huge.

I would never in a million years leave my child with her if all this had happened.

Take her out. I delayed taking my dd and ds out of their childminder and I really regret it. Now we're in a different setting I can see how much better their care is there.

Remove her. This is neglect. I would also alert Ofsted.

Every one of these things is a deal breaker for me. She’s providing shit care.

Those pieces of grapes are a perfectly suitable size. No one knew the kid was allergic to peanuts (and really, that's on parents to do a careful test - a smear on the arm, then a smear on the lip etc. But I possibly only know that from allergy prone family). Kids do sometimes manage to get hold of tiny bits of rubbish like that little piece of plastic wrapper.

Not changing the nappy is unacceptable. Swaddling a toddler is unacceptable. Using a "baby sleep mask" is unacceptable. Not letting you inside the house is unacceptable.

Give notice, but move the child immediately. Take the financial hit.

I would also be concerned that she has more children than she can deal with, which is why some of these things are happening. How many kids are there?

You obviously shouldn’t really let any of this slide. You are paying her for a service (to care for your child and keep the child safe) and she isn’t doing it. I don’t know why people think there are certain jobs you have to be ‘grateful’ for. Someone who cares for children is doing their job. You are paying them. Of course you should be polite and respectful, but you don’t just ‘let things slide’ when they’re not caring for your child even to the basic level of changing a baby’s nappy.

To be honest, I would report her to OFSTED and find somewhere else for my child immediately.

I used to be a childminder registered with the council. Yes it’s a lot of work but the things you’ve mentioned here are not acceptable. I wouldn’t leave her in a place where she is put in danger. Although the nappy is not as serious as other things you mention, it does show she is not being properly cared for and handing her back to you like that is shocking really.

@Candymay It's only the once that has happened which is why I didn't pull her up on it, but the fact she's got nappy rash makes me think she's probably left unchanged a lot.

No nappy changes for 6 hours isn't acceptable. Do you know for sure though it's not been changed? How do you know it's the same nappy she arrived in? Possibly with the hot weather she's drunk a lot and done a big wee just before you collected her.

Peanut butter should really be avoided in childcare settings, just in case. Did she know your daughter had an allergy? If so that's a major issue and not acceptable at all.

The grapes may have been cut in half. I'm guessing it's hard to know without talking to your childminder. They should definitely be cut lengthways.

The biscuit wrapper isn't good either.

I'm not sure about the swaddling. If your DD actually goes to sleep happy that way then it seems OK to me.

On the whole though it does seem like the standard isn't great. You need to have a chat with her to talk about your concerns. If you're still unsure look for alternative childcare.

Baby sleep masks are a choking hazard and should not be used.

Childminder here and I'm appalled! It is a tough job but there is absolutely no excuse for the things you are experiencing. I wouldn't leave my child in that setting. And I'd consider raising concerns with Ofsted. It's minders like yours that give us a bad rep!

Wouldn't you feel more guilty if your daughter came to serious harm? Honestly OP your priorities are al over the place. She's 14 months old, she will have forgotten about this CM in a week! Move her!

Don't take her back there. The lack of nappy changing and plastic in her mouth when you picked her up would be enough to worry me sick. The grapes do look a bit big but are cut, and you didn't know about the peanut allergy
Go to the friend of a friend child minder and chat to her about it.

Absolutely appalling! No I wouldn't leave her there for another day.

I'd get the new childminder lined up for tomorrow, give notice to old childminder, and pay for the notice.

Or say you're not going to pay notice, as she's lucky you haven't reported her!

Report her anyway