Struggling with how much I should/ shouldn't let slide with my childminder...

[laydownsally]

I get that her job is incredibly hard and she can't give every single kid the same amount of attention all the time, so I have let a lot of stuff slide but I'm just wondering if I'm being a pushover?

Some things that have concerned me..

Picked my daughter up (now just over a year old) and she hasn't had her nappy changed all day, she was there 6 hours

Gave my daughter peanut butter and she had an allergic reaction, also threw up whole chunks of grapes that hadn't been chewed

Swaddles my daughter for a nap with her arms inside the swaddle and an eye mask on

My daughter has never had nappy rash but has got it after a few months of being there

I've just been to pick her up and she had a biscuit wrapper in her mouth..

Honestly don't know if I'm being OTT or a pushover. Started off so well she used to send me pictures throughout the day however now I don't even receive a single text. I'm also never invited into the house handovers are always in the porch with the front door shut.

But my daughter seems to enjoy it there although obviously I don't know for sure as she can't tell me. Ugh so frustrating please knock some sense into me.

I would not be happy with any of these things happening - just one would be a red flag for me

Idk why if it's so dangerous she would send me a fucking video of her doing it, unless she thinks rightly so I'm an idiot.

The swaddling and eye mask....No way would I let that slide. Its inappropriate and...odd

The other things sound really bad aswell I'm sorry- your gut instinct is right here

It may not be that she thinks you are an idiot - it may be that she isn’t too clued up. I’ve seen many parents use bumpers etc on cots, not because they think I’m an idiot but because they don’t know or don’t really believe that it’s dangerous.

I mean I would think common sense tells you swaddling a toddler tightly and covering the child’s eyes is both dangerous and just not that nice, but who knows? Maybe she doesn’t realise.

She sounds like a terrible CM; I cannot imagine why you've continued to expose your daughter to so many risks.

The one thing I learned the hard way with my eldest 2 is this
Babies can't talk
Toddlers and even school age kids don't tell you things that are wrong. They often just put up with it.
I removed my middle one from a nursery when I found her in the garden, alone covered in dirt, with dirt in her mouth and an unchanged nappy. In hindsight there were signs which I ignored because I didn't have the bandwidth to find something else and I was struggling just to cope
You have identified that basic care isn't safe or good enough. Act.

@Kanaloa She's been a childminder for 25 years! I'm obviously not a very experienced mum, I was 21 when I got pregnant, I trusted her and her opinion a lot but it keeps getting chipped away at.

These are all seriously concerning to me and I’m not picky!

But I've heard other friends with kids say they've had similar experiences with childminders/ nurseries and I understand it's a hard job so I just thought this is what happens.

The grapes and the nappy change is enough to sack her I’m sorry. Your kid is bottom of the pile she clearly can’t cope with them all or she’s just awful.

You keep saying that it would be “awkward” and that you don’t like confrontation, but you are your daughter’s primary advocate. You must do what’s best for her, no matter how awkward it is.

@Hermione101 I said that once.

She physically restrained a one year old by rolling her in a blanket and covered her eyes to try to force her to sleep? That’s shocking and honestly it is abusive. Why the hell would you let this happen to your child?!

Please report her this whole thread is upsetting enough. You’ve got to wonder what else she does.

Listen to your instincts OP. FWIW I wouldn’t want my my child to spend another day with this woman.

You didn't realise it was dangerous, so presumably she also doesn't realise that it's dangerous?

Jesus, the swaddling (and eye mask?! Wtf?!) would be it for me. I'd take my child out of there and probably also report her to the authority (Ofsted? Not sure). You're supposed to stop swaddling babies at 3 months... it's a safety risk. Also she can't remove the eye mask? So effing creepy. Get rid!

Also, my kid is in nursery. I have never had any of these issues, and neither have I heard anything else like this. Strained ratios, yes. Occasionally a bad wipe job, yes. But nothing like what your poor child has had

Honestly op i would remove her with immediate effect. As stated by others all of these are health and safety concerns and imo you should report to ofsted. She should not be looking after other people's children. I work in a private nursery and no way would these things happen, even the peanut allergy, you didn't know she was allergic however she really shouldn't be serving any food related to nuts incase of allergies, known or unknown. What if she'd have gave her that sandwich and your poor dd would have gone into anaphylactic shock. Write all your concerns in your notice and don't pay the months fee.

@cyncope I haven't been a childminder for 25 years and had 3 kids. I knew it was weird enough to look it up.

My daughter has been there 5 months and the issues have only started recently.

I thought you were supposed to swaddle with arms inside? Eye mask sounds strange though!

@popgoesperfection I've already paid the fee unfortunately, I paid a deposit when I started with her. But yes the peanut butter thing.. after her reaction she told me that kids who have had an allergic reaction to egg and who have eczema are more likely to have a peanut allergy. And she knew my daughter had an egg allergy and eczema so idk why she risked it for the sake of a peanut butter sandwich.

Babies are only swaddled for the first 12 maybe 16 weeks max - once they can roll in isn't at all safe. Definitely isn't safe to swaddle/restrain a child who is independently mobile.

If a parent hasn't informed their childcare provider that the child has a particular allergy then why would they avoid a common food? I'd assume by a year old a child has already been introduced to all allergens.

Ah right, thanks for the info!