Struggling with how much I should/ shouldn't let slide with my childminder...

[laydownsally]

I get that her job is incredibly hard and she can't give every single kid the same amount of attention all the time, so I have let a lot of stuff slide but I'm just wondering if I'm being a pushover?

Some things that have concerned me..

Picked my daughter up (now just over a year old) and she hasn't had her nappy changed all day, she was there 6 hours

Gave my daughter peanut butter and she had an allergic reaction, also threw up whole chunks of grapes that hadn't been chewed

Swaddles my daughter for a nap with her arms inside the swaddle and an eye mask on

My daughter has never had nappy rash but has got it after a few months of being there

I've just been to pick her up and she had a biscuit wrapper in her mouth..

Honestly don't know if I'm being OTT or a pushover. Started off so well she used to send me pictures throughout the day however now I don't even receive a single text. I'm also never invited into the house handovers are always in the porch with the front door shut.

But my daughter seems to enjoy it there although obviously I don't know for sure as she can't tell me. Ugh so frustrating please knock some sense into me.

Those grapes have been carefully quartered nonissue.
Peanut butter also non issue as she didn’t know about an allergy.

the nappies and swaddling / mask is bad.

I’m really laissez-faire parenting-wise but every single one of these would be enough for me to find another provision.

The sleep mask thing is fucking horrific. I actually find that aspect particularly disturbing- a near/toddler trussed up, unable to position themselves comfortably while their arms are swaddled and not even able to see around them. Really really horrible.

Swaddling is for newborns with a startle reflex and has to stop as soon as they show signs of rolling over. A young toddler can’t be swaddled. It’s basically putting her in a straight jacket and covering her eyes, it’s abuse and she tries to roll, or the eye mask slips down she could suffocate because her arms are tied up. The lack of nappy change is also neglectful. It’s so bad I’d honestly think you were a sick troll if it weren’t for the grape and wrapper pictures. Never send her back there again and report to ofsted.

So would I. She sounds incompetent.

I would remove my child from that setting. Has the husband joining her upped her number of kids but then he’s not actually there/not actually useful?

@icelollycraving Yes that's what I thinks happening, or they've just bitten off more than they can chew.

@laydownsally you're getting a lot of posters agreeing with you based on what you wrote in your OP, without seeing your photos or reading your updates.

do you put a secret markings in her nappy? Other than that, you don't know if she was changed or not.

it's not nice if she hadn't been changed, but there's always a first time for nappy rash & it can be brought on by many different things. I wouldn't rush to blame the CM.

those grapes are not HUGE, they've been cut lengthways, the correct way. Your DD needs to learn to chew food, do you only give her purée?

kuds are brilliant at picking up small shiny things. The piece of biscuit wrapper (not how you described it!!) is less than ideal. But it's a torn off fragment which gets moved about on stuff, it happens

swaddling her would be very strange, if she's not sending you photos, isn't letting you in the house & DD is only 14 months, how do you know she's doing this?

Handovers in the porch aren't an issue, lots of CM's do this. It's their home & their time.

it's your child & your decision, but why not trial a couple of days with the friend if a friend rather than jumping in full time. She might not be a good fit for you.

@ThursdayFreedom We use a different brand of nappies and it was full when I picked her up. She's sent me a video of her swaddling her. No my daughter is a very good eater.

The peanut butter and quartered grapes are totally reasonable and normal foods for a baby/toddler so a non-issue.

The missed nappy change and nappy rash are not great and would definitely be something I would have a word about - asking for a log of changes or to be changed more often.

A little bit of rubbish in the baby's mouth - sometimes babies/toddlers do pick things up from the floor, this alone wouldn't bother me.

Eye mask and swaddle - totally unsafe and I can't understand why you didn't put a stop to this as soon as you realised? Surely you know it's unsafe?

Eye mask?!

Remove her now and report

This!

How the heck is she 'swaddling' a toddler? Is that even possible? Or is it that she's being restrained, which is totally out of order.

@MrTiddlesTheCat It's an actual swaddle that has the option to leave the arms out but in the video I got sent her arms were wrapped up and she had a sleep mask on.

Wasn't until I looked it up I realised this isn't common practice!

@laydownsally

Re the nappy, maybe she's bought some the same brand as yours or had a spare one from another child?

if you take her back, then mark the nappy in some way so you can be certain.

when did she send you the video of her swaddling DD? Did she say why she was doing it?

if DD is 'a good eater' then those grapes (perfectly safely cut in lengths) would have been chewed. But swallowing them cut like that really isn't an issue.

I just think you're being wound up by posters on the thread, The only thing that would have had me worried is the mask. She needs black out blinds not masks!

just be careful not to lose a childminder where DD is happy over largely minor issues. Just because the other one is a friend of a friend, doesn't mean she's a good CM.

I used to be a childminder and all of those are questionable. If I had an alternative I'd be looking into that

It sounds barbaric. I'd have gone bloody nuts if my son's nursery did that to him. Are her legs and feet free?

@ThursdayFreedom The reason for the thread is because when I tell people irl about these things, people have always been more alarmed than I have which has made me question things. There are other things I haven't wrote about because they're probably quite petty and nothing to do with her ability to look after my child, but little things have certainly been adding up.

@MrTiddlesTheCat No completely swaddled.

My baby is the same age -I would be horrified if he was swaddled. He's never not had on a clean nappy when I've collected him from nursery. Sounds awful. Particularly because of what you say about there possibly being too many children there. There are signs of neglect and this is only what you know. Do you think childminder is responding every time your child needs her?

Not changing her is a deal breaker, as is swaddling and sleep mask. The grapes look ok to me. But honestly OP - from experience - don't leave her somewhere you're not happy with, especially if you have alternatives. It is just not worth it.

I think you should trust your instincts. If alarm bells are going on based on what you do see then you need to pay attention to that.

I have a 16 month old who is in nursery. She goes to sleep on a little mat for her afternoon nap. The lights are low but she goes to her mat herself, lies down and goes to sleep. I would be horrified if she was being swaddled at this age (and I think she would be very upset if anyone tried to swaddle her!)

She occasionally comes home with bumps and scratches but they can always tell me exactly what has happened. She's so adventurous at home that it's hardly surprising. Even under my watchful eye she gets the odd bump and scrape here too.

So a fully mobile child is being blindfolded and having their arms and feet restrained. So what happens if she manages to get up on her feet? That's so dangerous I'd have to report it.

Swaddles my daughter for a nap with her arms inside the swaddle and an eye mask on

WTF? Sounds like if she could tie her to a cot or chuck her in a basement, she would. That is appalling.

And I’m not even talking about the safety angle, I’m talking about restraining a child and taking away their sight. I mean what if she wasn’t sleepy? It’s torture.

I agree. Remove her immediately and let Ofsted know. This is really serious OP. It’s terrible, cruel, dangerous and weird!