Can I get childcare to cover labour?

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This would mean having someone on-call 24/7 for up to 5 weeks and paid a retainer at least for this whole time. They’d need to stay local and be prepared to drop everything at a moment’s notice, quite possibly in the middle of the night. Is it realistic to think I could find someone prepared to do this?

Would childcare concerns be justification for a maternal request C-section do you think?

I think you'd find people willing to say they'd do it. I'm not sure you'd find someone who would actually do it though (stay local and not do anything that can't be immediately dropped).

You're probably better off joining an agency or two (like bubble or similar) and then calling them when things start to kick off. They should be able to get someone to you at short notice.

Or get to know several babysitters yourself and hope at least one of them is available.

Thanks. Trouble is, I’d ideally like someone DD can get to know a little in advance rather than having to leave her with a random stranger.

Would most agencies have someone available to send literally right now this second? That’s still problematic if it’s at night though.

There will be agencies that could get someone to you within an hour or 2 which would generally be fine if you made contact early in your Labour.

What exactly is the situation though?

• how old is your DD?
• does she attend nursery or school? There could be options there if she does
• do you have any family or friends within a 2 Hr drive who would be willing and able?
• have you made contact with any local childminders to see if they would be willing to be on standby?

We did this but it was with our very part time nanny. She came in the middle of the night for our older kids.

DD is 2 and not yet in nursery. I wasn’t planning to send her until the term after she turns 3 and qualifies for her 15 hours. The nursery she is down for is term time only and I’m due also bang in the middle of the summer holidays anyway.

It feels like a lot to ask of friends who all their own lives and families. My mum was going to have her but now wants to come to the birth so that isn’t going to work.

A childminder may be an option. Could they cover nights though? Ideally in our home rather than theirs.

I assume you've thought of every possible alternative (e.g. friends, family, existing sitters) OP. If on-call agency placement is literally the only other option, I would personally push for ELCS.

My second labour was a bit early and 90 minutes first to last contraction. Luckily I lived moments from the hospital and a raft of relatives who could step in.

Perhaps the key is not to expect one person to be on standby for five weeks, but to ask a number of friends and family to be on standby for a short time each.

Effectively you'd need to draw up a rota covering all of that time. I think lots of people are willing to help in this kind of situation who might not generally want to babysit, but you'll probably need to be flexible with DD staying at their house and fitting in with other routine, rather than vice versa.

And maybe your mother could drive over as soon as labour starts and drive DD to get settled at friend's house, then join you in the hospital. If the original plan was for her to not be there at all, then missing the first hour or two should be manageable.

A doula can help with this. Or possibly a home birth might work too? If it suits you of course.

Alternatively, you could consider a homebirth, then if it's at night you don't need a sitter.

Oh, we have cross posted. In your situation I would (and did) say absolutely no, Mum, we need you at home with DD! It's a big enough change for a toddler, without the possibility of them waking up in the morning to find their family gone to be replaced by someone they hardly know.

So your mum would "rather come to the birth" do you actually want her there? Is she going to be more use to you looking after DD who is already here rather than potentially leaving her with a stranger at a very delicate time in her life. I would rather give birth alone and know my DD was being looked after by her GP than have my mum at DC's birth and my very little DD with someone unknown or virtually unknown to her.

Honestly I think you should ask your mum to have her. I know your mum wants to be at the birth but you have a daughter who needs to be cared for that takes priority over your mums wants.

If that really isnt workable then ask your friends. If my friend asked me to be on call to do emergency childcare I'd say yes without hesitation. Think carefully about your choice, I have DH here so if someone called at 2am I'd be able to get up and go knowing my DD had DH here to watch her.

I’m sure your mum would rather forfeit being at the birth that you having to have surgery.

do you have a spouse or partner who will be with you for the birth? Do you need your mother to be your support person?

if not, having her help with your older child is going to make a huge difference.

You should lay it out quite plainly. The calmer you are, the better for you and baby, the smoother labor is likely to be. If you are worried about your other child with a care provider, you won’t be calm. The best support she could give is to babysit.

Thanks all. I’ve been trying to tell my mum that finding alternative childcare is going to be really difficult. She thinks I’m just making excuses.

She also says I need to have an alternative lined-up because she could be dead by then.

I'm sure she adores your DD, can you centre her feelings in this and really lay on the guilt about how scared and upset she'll be without her beloved nan there?

I planned to give birth without my husband for our second baby if necessary. I wouldn’t want our eldest to have been left with someone and it was during lockdown so any kind of back up plan was not really possible. As it ended up, I went into labour early while still working as a key worker so eldest was in school.

In your situation, I would expect your mother to look after your eldest!

I did this for a good friend. For about 4 weeks beforehand, I had an overnight bag packed in my car and I never had more than 1 glass of wine in the evening.

When the call eventually came at 3am, I just fell into the car (in my PJs and boots) and drove straight there. They were at the door waiting for me, they jumped into their car and I climbed into the spare bed until 7am when the other wee ones woke me up.

If you have good friends, do float the idea. I'd do it again happily.

You are a really good friend. We haven’t lived in the area long unfortunately and I just don’t know people locally whom I could ask that of. I’d be happy to pay someone but I know it’s not that simple.

Your mum is the problem. Tell her she has to look after your child and she can’t be at the birth. If she refuses to do that then I’d have DH at home and go in alone. It would stress me out no end to think my toddler was left with someone they didn’t know.

I had a mother like yours(estranged) so you have my sympathy.

Your mum sounds very melodramatic. She won't be able to come to the birth and to be honest you probably don't want someone so prone to being dramatic there anyway.

If your mum originally agreed then that's what should be happening. No need to elect for a c section just because she's now being so unhelpful.

Your mum needs to watch your eldest.

Failing that, I have been a standby child care for quite a few friends. The plan was I'd go round to fill the gap before their arranged childcare could get there.

I've found that even less close mum friends will help in situations like this. We all get it and know how stressful it can be.

Do you know any of your neighbours? Do any of them have young children?

I had my parents lined up to look after DC1 but they live 3 hours drive away so I also asked three sets of neighbours with children if they could be on standby to potentially come sit in our house until my parents arrived. It wasn't an issue in the end (parents were actually staying when I went into labour with DC2) but it was reassuring to know that there were people nearby who would help if needed. And it felt less of an imposition since they lived so close to us and it would literally be a matter of one of the parents popping over to our house for a bit. We were friendly acquaintances though and had done some playdates/chatted in the street beforehand.

Your mum sounds awful and dramatic. Do you actually want her at the birth ?