Can I get childcare to cover labour?

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This would mean having someone on-call 24/7 for up to 5 weeks and paid a retainer at least for this whole time. They’d need to stay local and be prepared to drop everything at a moment’s notice, quite possibly in the middle of the night. Is it realistic to think I could find someone prepared to do this?

Would childcare concerns be justification for a maternal request C-section do you think?

Your mum is the issue indeed. she needs to stop being self centred and look after her grandchild. In my area,senior volunteers in the local church also do this (babysitting when mum is in labour). Ask around in local Facebook groups. It’s unlikely you need someone on call for 5 weeks unless you are likely to have a pre term birth.

If your mum doesn’t step up, do you have space to host a student for a few weeks who is on call? My university has many midwifery or nursing degree students.

Riiight, just how old is your Mum to think she is likely to die within the next 7m ?

My two year old was in the Labour room with me and H when her sibling was born. Not much choice as my mum was two hours away and didn't get there in time.

Not ideal if you have no family support but it wasn't the end of the world.

Just tell your mum no! She can’t be at the birth.

Your mum sounds like a right twat

Clearly your mum has some issues but she needs to look after DD. Your alternatives (paying ££££ for a random to be on standby for weeks or having MAJOR SURGERY) just so your mum can come to the birth are bonkers. I assume you're even considering them because you've been conditioned by your unreasonable mum.

Also I didn't see if you have a partner. If you do, they will look after your DD if your mum dies in the next 7 months 🙄 and you'll give birth without them.

Does your daughter have a second parent in her life? If you, you already have 2 known adults, and the problem is solved. One with you, one with your daughter.

your mum is being massively unreasonable, to invite herself to be your birth partner when that's not what you want. she's free to refuse to be relied upon for childcare but that's a permanent rift there as I wouldn't be expecting her to have much contact with either of her grandchildren if she's not prepared to provide childcare under these circumstances.

Given how selfish your mum is I think you are right to seek to secure paid childcare but I don't think you can reasonably expect that to be one guaranteed person for the entire duration that you are in hospital. I think you sign up with an agency and when you are about 8 months along arrange for your dd to have an hour each with the 3-5 people on the agency's books who are most likely to be available when the time comes. if you are in hospital for more than a few hours they will need to cover the time in shifts anyway so more than one of them will be needed.

I wouldn't think this situation on its own is really a good reason for ELCS, there's a lot of serious potential consequences to having major abdominal surgery which yes sometimes are on balance risks that are worth taking to avoid other potential problems but childcare logistics doesn't seem to me to be a sufficient cause to take those risks.

I really can’t believe your Mum would rather be at the birth than looking after your DD. My second birth was over in 2 hours and I could have been home shortly after. I do agree you need a back up plan, you haven’t mentioned baby’s father, or your own father or other relatives that may be able to help.

I'd tell your mum she is with the kid and not at the birth but maybe I'm harsh. I couldn't think of anyone worse I'd rather have at the birth even though we get along so well.

Sympathy to you op. My mum bullied me into being at my birth. I still have forgiven the invasion of privacy.

'Have not' forgiven

Tell your mother than she won’t be at the birth. If she’s driving you to the hospital get a taxi instead. You’ll find someone locally to look after your dd even though you don’t know of anyone at the moment. if there’s a local college put an advert on their social media group. Do you have a local small shop? Ask in there and put up an advert. Is there a parent and baby group? Contact them. Everyone in that group will understand your childcare need and hopefully someone will help. Let your mother see that you are sorting things out without her. She needs to step up and help unselfishly. She probably wants to tell her friends she was at the birth instead of saying how she actually helped you by looking after her gd. She could have been the one at home to tell her gd about the gd’s new sibling. Instead she’ll be visiting when you say so. Let her think that one over.

She really doesn't want to look after your dd then does she?
I'm not clear in this scenario, is there a dad or Dp of any type involved? It doesn't sound like it but if there is then they may need to prioritise childcare or perhaps do half and half with your mum?
Bear in mind, if you push for a planned C section, who will be helping you with a newborn and a toddler in the recovery period?

everyone I know asked their mum or MiL to do it. Nobody else I could call at 2am anyway!

more important that your mum does it than attend the birth IMO. And they can have the important task of bringing the older child to meet the baby.

Sure I think your mum sounds a little odd but I also don't agree with the comments dictating what the mum should be doing (the grandmother mum)

Where is the father in all this?

Well if you can't get childcare then your dp will have to look after his dd and you'll have to have the baby on your own.
It's either that or be firm with your dm.

Honestly I would labour alone (as in no bithb partner, presumably you had midwives there) rather than have a toddler in the room but horses for courses.

Anyone at all who you could send DD too for a sleep over when you go into labour? I did that. They took her to nursery in the morning which was bit different

Tell your mum not to worry, she clearly isn't interested in helping. She's hoping DP stays at home.

I agree with contacting an agency, telling your mum it's all sorted and you'll see her when baby is 3 weeks old.

Dp stayed at home for his second child, someone has to look after the elder. I would pressurise your mum, I'm guessing there's no in laws or dad?

Oh god, I remember the stress of this. We had emigrated 6 months before I gave birth to my second. Honestly, this is what your parents are for. If she's in the country (and near enough to come to the birth) your mum should be a big part of the plan. Saying she might be dead by then feels like she's being manipulative - is she ill?

Presumably the father isn't on the scene or an option or the OP would have mentioned them. The fact she hasn't suggests this isn't a viable solution.