Page 4 | Can I get childcare to cover labour?

AllTheBestNamesWereTaken · 2023-01-30T23:22:11+00:00

This would mean having someone on-call 24/7 for up to 5 weeks and paid a retainer at least for this whole time. They’d need to stay local and be prepared to drop everything at a moment’s notice, quite possibly in the middle of the night. Is it realistic to think I could find someone prepared to do this? Would childcare concerns be justification for a maternal request C-section do you think?

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mumoffourminimes · 31/01/2023 12:28

AllTheBestNamesWereTaken · 31/01/2023 00:21

She also says I need to have an alternative lined-up because she could be dead by then.

Crikey is she unwell or just extremely manipulative?

mumoffourminimes · 31/01/2023 12:33

Im sorry I think my mind is being addled by this scenario, apologies if you've already answered this one but

Do you actually want your mum present at the birth?

You seem to be saying you'd have major abdominal surgery in order to facilitate her being there? 🤯

GreenTeaTuesdays · 31/01/2023 12:36

There are three adults going to be around (presuming no one dies between now and then) which is more than enough to work something out rather than leaving such a young child with strangers at a time where there is already a lot of upheaval for them.

You can't watch the toddler as you will be quite busy so either your husband or your mum watches them and the other one stays with you.

mumoffourminimes · 31/01/2023 12:40

GreenTeaTuesdays · 31/01/2023 12:36

There are three adults going to be around (presuming no one dies between now and then) which is more than enough to work something out rather than leaving such a young child with strangers at a time where there is already a lot of upheaval for them.

You can't watch the toddler as you will be quite busy so either your husband or your mum watches them and the other one stays with you.

I agree with this too, poor kid

wouldukissafrog · 31/01/2023 12:51

Tbh I'd just tell your mum she can't come to the birth

Geranium1984 · 31/01/2023 13:34

It's so hard when you don't know many people locally. Sounds a similar situation to us, recently moved to a new area at 7 months pregnant and only knew one set of friends within a reasonable distance- they were number one on our list of people to call.

A few weeks before the birth we had hired a mother's help to come in twice a week once the baby was born (through childcare.co.uk). The mother's help started doing half days about a month before the birth so our toddler could get to know her. She was on our 'list' of options to call.

We then had a family member a bit further away as a third back up.

Since having moved in we had spoken to our direct neighbour quite a bit and she seemed really nice. I had thought if we were really desperate in the middle of the night that we could have knocked on her door and I'm sure she would have sat and waited till one of the other options arrived.

Take a look at childcare.co.uk and over the next few months perhaps you could hire a couple of babysitters on a regular basis so your toddler gets to know them and hopefully they'll agree to be on your list.

I'd say you want at least three options on your list as they won't all be available at all times.

allthemissingfucks · 31/01/2023 13:53

I still don't understand why your husband or you Mum can't look after the toddler?

Why do they need to be there for the birth?

(The only possible thing I can think of is that in your culture girls aren't valued, and maybe you are now pregnant with a boy, and so your Husband & Mum think it's more important to witness his birth than look after the existing little girl?)
I'm mean I'm stretching there I know!

And you are actually contemplating having an elective caesarean because neither one will look after the toddler.

Who the hell is going to look after the toddler AND the newborn AND you after you have to recover from that surgery???

So many questions!

Opine · 31/01/2023 13:57

@allthemissingfucks Hands down the wildest assumption I’ve ever heard 🤣🤣

eatdrinkandbemerry · 31/01/2023 14:10

I'd quite happily go to hospital on my own and have the baby on my own if I didn't have childcare and partner could stay home with the kids.
He didn't really do anything the first delivery anyway and I'd be happier knowing the kids were fine at home .

Squamata · 31/01/2023 14:12

Look up doulas in your area OP - their job involves being available 24/7 for 5 weeks at a time so they're used to scheduling like that. Most I've known of are mothers themselves.

They're usually super flexible and happy to help with a home birth or do childcare if that's what meets your needs best. Or you might find one willing to just do childcare for a reduced rate. There might also be a trainee doula who would be happy to have the experience of supporting you in labour a bit but staying home to do childcare if you need to be transferred.

It's definitely worth exploring.

WhatNoRaisins · 31/01/2023 14:32

Do you have a strained relationship with your mother, the interactions you mention here sound really off. If you don't want her there at the birth you don't have to. Do you not feel able to have a direct conversation about it?

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/01/2023 16:55

Do you have a budget or rich

Or what do you want to pay for a retainer

Yes course you can get a mn for 24hrs and if need 7 days a then either 5/2 or 4/3 but will cost

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/01/2023 16:56

Sorry last bit of message vanished

Some mn help out with older child while waiting for baby to arrive

Original poster

AllTheBestNamesWereTaken · 31/01/2023 17:21

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/01/2023 16:55

Do you have a budget or rich

Or what do you want to pay for a retainer

Yes course you can get a mn for 24hrs and if need 7 days a then either 5/2 or 4/3 but will cost

Yes now thinking about a mn now. Just had an agency tell me the same about how some will help out with an older child whilst waiting for baby to arrive.

This option is actually a lot cheaper than the nanny agency who said I would need to pay full wage of £15/hour to a temp nanny as a retainer - works out at just over £2,500/week compared to £1,200 for a junior mn.

OP posts:

Original poster

AllTheBestNamesWereTaken · 31/01/2023 17:37

There have been some really sensitive thoughtful replies here. Thank you. I think it is clear that I’m going to need some back-up beyond my mum and I think taking a very professional route could be the answer for us.

OP posts:

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 31/01/2023 17:47

I can't say I had a lot of people I knew well when my dc2 was due but I think it is needing to ask for help that often shows you who your friends or potential friends are. I ended up asking a few people I knew a little from toddler groups and the like if they would be OK to be called in an emergency and those that said yes I ended up being friends with over time.

Similar to you too as we planned a home birth and would only need childcare if toddler woke or I needed to transfer.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/01/2023 18:40

1200 a week for 7 days is just under £180 a day

Yes you may find a junior mn for that if that's the path you want to go down

SuperDuperJezebel · 31/01/2023 21:34

@AllTheBestNamesWereTaken where do you live?

Original poster

AllTheBestNamesWereTaken · 01/02/2023 06:56

We live in Surrey.

OP posts:

4thonthe4th · 01/02/2023 07:02

You don’t need to justify a maternal request for ELCS. If that’s what you want, talk to your midwife as soon as you can to get the ball rolling with the consultant.

FeinCuroxiVooz · 01/02/2023 07:14

4thonthe4th · 01/02/2023 07:02

You don’t need to justify a maternal request for ELCS. If that’s what you want, talk to your midwife as soon as you can to get the ball rolling with the consultant.

if that's what OP actually wants for herself and whether she needs to justify it to others, this is true. but we are talking about justifying it to herself, and whether she really wants to opt for the risks of major abdominal surgery as a way to avoid the logistics of accommodating her mother's whims

4thonthe4th · 01/02/2023 07:16

FeinCuroxiVooz · 01/02/2023 07:14

if that's what OP actually wants for herself and whether she needs to justify it to others, this is true. but we are talking about justifying it to herself, and whether she really wants to opt for the risks of major abdominal surgery as a way to avoid the logistics of accommodating her mother's whims

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Yes. That’s what I said “if that’s what you want”

Ginger1982 · 01/02/2023 07:17

Your mum is being ridiculous. I hope you can find something.

lunar1 · 01/02/2023 07:21

Nobody needs someone as melodramatic as your mum sounds around while in labour.

I'd take her out the equation completely. If an agency will help out then perfect, if it falls through then your husband will have to look after his daughter.

mummyh2016 · 01/02/2023 07:29

Will you find it helpful your mom being there? Mine would stress me out to the max, I couldn't think of anything worse.