How much help do you get from relatives with your children?

[Eirlys1986]

Hi all, posting more out of interest and to see whether or not me and my partner are feeling unnecessarily hard done by when actually we should be happy with our lot!

We have a 15 month old DS and without going into all the details basically we have only my partner’s parents to rely on to have him should we want to go out together etc.

My “poll” questions are:

1. How many people do you have in your life that are trustworthy to look after your little one?
2. How many days/nights on a typical week do you get help with childcare and is this for work/going out socially etc
3. Do you have times when you can leave your little one overnight with grandparents?
4. When you do leave them, do they have to go to grandparents house or do grandparents come to yours?

Thanks all! Really interested to hear what situations you all have. Knowing age of your children would help too. Xxx

My DD has no grandparents.

I have other people in my family and we have family friends who have offered to look after her.

Apart from one of my younger relations and some family friends we haven't accepted the other requests. Mainly as I think DD will be too hard work for them.

The last time someone helped was on Tuesday otherwise I wouldn't have been able to work. (Incidentally it was one of the younger relatives I use to randomly baby sit for so their parents could work.)

People help out randomly.

How many people do you have in your life that are trustworthy to look after your little one?
trustworthy AND willing ? Zero

How many days/nights on a typical week do you get help with childcare and is this for work/going out socially etc

zero, for any purpose

Do you have times when you can leave your little one overnight with grandparents?

no.

When you do leave them, do they have to go to grandparents house or do grandparents come to yours?

n/a

1. two
2. zero
3. no
4. no grandparents near. In 3 years I have had someone watch him twice but could be at their house or ours.

A member of my family may have my youngest 4 or 5 times a year if we are lucky. We cherish those times.

Zero. My parents won't help, too busy with the other grandchildren. His parents don't either.
Very rarely do we get a night out together , once in last 5 years
It's rubbish but just how it is

How many people do you have in your life that are trustworthy to look after your little one?

• would trust grandparents and a handful of friends

How many days/nights on a typical week do you get help with childcare and is this for work/going out socially etc

• none, grandparent are too far away / don’t want to help with childcare. It’s been 7 years the night before I was induced with the eldest since we had any social time together or an evening meal child free

Do you have times when you can leave your little one overnight with grandparents?

• nope

When you do leave them, do they have to go to grandparents house or do grandparents come to yours?

• don’t have this option

@Northstars - be kind. I’m not out to be shamed by anyone for feeling “hard done by” so won’t be replying fully to this. We all have our own circumstances and I have had some pretty horrible things happen to me since birth of my son including a parental death and the other being now unwell. So I’m just really looking to hear unbiased things from other people as to what their situations are and not whether someone else’s opinion is whether I should or shouldn’t feel hard done by, that’s for me to decide and that’s why I have asked the question for my own interest. Thanks.

Plenty of trustworthy people but none of them have offered.

We've had zero family childcare - not a single hour. Our daughter is 8.

Probably had 7 evenings out in 14 years courtesy of my parents (once every 2 years) none from in laws

I am really genuinely suprised by just how many of you are managing on little to no help, I think perhaps I had my “negative Nelly” glasses on bigtime in relation to this one and posting on here has been very helpful as a result! I shall wo(man) up and be grateful for my lot! Well done to everyone powering through what can be very tough early childcare years without a break xx

Three occasions in the last two years, once for an op and twice when I had chemo.

Otherwise not at all. They all work full time, and live at least 45 mins away. So I don't mind. They have their own obligations but are there in a real emergency. 🙂

I'm a Granny so I did all childcare whilst dd (single parent no father or his family involvement) worked from him being ten months old until he started pre school at two and a half. Then I did the hours round pre school and all holidays he's 3 and a half now so that remains and will do when he moves to school in September. I've had dgs this morning as well because dd was feeling unwell and have him extra when dd has plans or wants to get something done. My son takes dgs out every Sunday morning and also does any babysitting needed if dd goes out at night. We are the only people dd leaves dgs with but generally dd could ask us and we could cover any time between us

None

Our DD is disabled and if we want to go out together for a meal we go whilst she is at school.

Our parents are all in their late 70's/80's with various health conditions and live too far away so would not be able to help or cope.

@Eirlys1986

It gets a bit easier, dd has autism so paid childcare wasn't an option either but you make connections and work out how to manage. I didn't work outside the home until dd was older, then school hours due to child care. I know some people seem to have a lot of help but really it's the norm not to, you get by.

My now dp's dd has significant health issues and ld's so can't be left with anyone, even I find it hard (she lives in supported living) so it makes you realise how easy bulk had it.

My DC are grown up now, when they were younger I didn’t receive any helps from
relatives. Most of my friends were in the same situation. I never felt hard done by. I found a good babysitter who worked at the crèche my DC went to.

OP, it's ok to find it hard. It is hard. And every child is different. I didn't mean my post to come across smugly. It was what it was, is all.

@hiredandsqueak Sounds like you are an absolute trooper and a god send to me! Well done, I’m sure it is so appreciated x

@Lentilweaver thanks x

Ps @Lentilweaver your post did not in any way come over as “smug” by the way! X

I'm very, very fortunate. DD1 is nearly 2 and DD2 is 4 months but I haven't left her with anyone yet as I'm EBF!

1. 8 people in total (my family and DH family)
2. Two weekdays for work. Most Saturdays.
3. DD spends one night a week either at my mums or MILs.
4. She always goes there, but they would come to ours if we asked.

Both sides of the family love having DD around. They take her out and spoil her rotten. She's the first grandchild for my mum and second for my PIL's.

None. I pay for childcare.

I have a 5yo and 2yo

We have one person we would let look after them but they're an hour away.
We get help in the week, watches youngest DS one day (and does school run for the eldest) until I'm home from work
Overnight maybe 2 times a year but not both children together
In the week they come to us. If overnight, I'd take to them

I have my parents, my in-laws, my brother, sister and a good handful of friends. When my 3 children were pre-school, my parents looked after them a day a week (did the same for my nieces and nephews). Now, they help out during holidays and babysit. My in-laws are a couple of hours away but will come and stay during the holiday and provide some childcare for a couple of days. My sister and brother (local) help out regularly, and I do the same for theirs. In holidays, I will do swaps with friends who have children of similar ages so I’ll have theirs for a day and they’ll have mine. Friends will also babysit, as will I for them. I like the saying ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ but I also appreciate how lucky I am to have family and friends who want, and can be trusted to be part of my children’s ‘village’.

Never.. Just did it all ourselves.

@Lalalandddd this does sound wonderful! But I see you definitely appreciate how lucky you are. Enjoy all the time you get, it’s definitely deserved for sure X