No grandparents for childcare!

[torbs]

Hi everyone :)

This is my first thread here.

My partner and I are hoping to start a family soon.

We are both from the South of England, but moved to the North a few years ago, where we bought our first home.

Unfortunately, both of our parents still live down south - making childcare prospects difficult!

What did those of you who didn't have parents/grandparents/family as an option for free childcare do?!

Thanks for your time and I look forward to your replies.

Nursery then school. We managed maybe one night a year out together when in laws would visit

I paid childminders for mine but I have provided three days a week childcare for dd since she went back to work after having dgs. Dgs now gets 30 hours childcare so dd funds any excess and I will do school holidays.

People are being mean. Sometimes on low wages childcare can seem impossible. DP works 9:00 to 5:00 and I work evenings and Saturdays.

I have grandparents living nearby but neither set has taken on any childcare role. I have three children and became a SAHP as childcare costs were just too high and difficult to juggle. Where I live in the North most people use grandparents for childcare and it is mostly grandparents doing stuff like toddler groups or doing the school run. It is hard if you don't have that support but I don't think it is impossible just life has to be adjusted to suit.

Surely most grandparents will be in full-time work themselves - state pension age isn’t till about 67 now.

By bastard parents had the temerity to die and leave me with no other childcare options. I left mine alone with Greggs sausage rolls and a box of matches while I went out on the razzle dazzle.

It's true though. If you refuse to help with gcs you won't build a relationship with them and are less likely to see them when they're older and their GPs are practically strangers. Harsh, but true.

And anyway, the most common response to those threads is "they aren't obligated to do free childcare. They're allowed to enjoy their retirement" etc.

Also, this thread isn't about GPs choosing not to help with gcs, as op moved away from them, so it isn't as if they have an option to help even if they wanted to.

Generally though, I always say plan to pay for childcare. Even if grandparents say they want to look after the babies all the time, in reality, they might not be able to, they might not feel as energetic as they think they will and they might have forgotten how exhausting it is caring for a baby. Or they might suddenly decide they want to move to Benidorm or something. You cant guarantee help from grandparents or anyone else, so have it in mind that you may need to use paid childcare.

We have no family nearby so we paid for nursery. I went back to work part time.
It also means if we have an event to attend like a wedding, we need to hire a babysitter for the day and night.

Childminder, both work four days, (different day off), get better paid jobs, only have second child when first is three and will be in school by the time you end parental leave.

Paid for nursery.

We had two babies incredibly close together and lived in the south east so I ended up being a SAHM as we couldn’t afford the childcare, it would have eaten an entire wage plus some!

There is no free childcare if you don't live near parents/grandparents. We were in that postition too and have paid a fortune over the years in childminder and nursery fees.

I never went back to work. We never expected either set of grandparents to child mind our kids other than in emergencies or ad hoc night out/weekend away stuff and that was rarely.

Good luck, that's when you realise it'd be nice to have your parents not too far 😉!
We've struggled and are still struggling (5 meals out together in 7 years, that's all we managed to do on our own as a couple).
We've used one childminder and the nursery for childcare. That's it. It cost us a bomb and meant I've had to take a massive step back financially speaking. I'm broke!

Similar situation here, we use nursery and pay for it.

DH and had our first night away without DC when youngest was 11 and on a school residential and eldest was 16 and could be left home alone.

Until that point I could count the number of times we’d been out without the children on the fingers of one hand.

We coped we just had to spend time together at home with the children in bed 🤷‍♀️

Nursery and Childminder.

I'm in my 60s, still working, won't retire before 67, absolutely no intention of going straight from 45 years work into any sort of baby care.

This must be a windup! Op's not been back .

Don’t see how anyone could expect you to I really don’t

Paid for nursery, then breakfast & after school clubs and now I have a part time nanny for wrap around care.

We pay for a baby sitter

My parents come down for several nights at a time. We try to take advantage of these moments for date nights.

There are babysitting clubs in some towns where you all 'donate' hours but I have never got involved

I think this is a joke. I don't really understand though, because it's a question that might be asked by somebody really young and naive and yet that person wouldn't have the expectation because they would still have working parents. Odd question.

You pay for it?

Even if they lived next door there’s no obligation for free childcare.

I don’t think it’s a serious question anyway.

You should factor in childcare costs before trying to have a child. Seems obvious.

It's true though. If you refuse to help with gcs you won't build a relationship with them and are less likely to see them when they're older and their GPs are practically strangers. Harsh, but true.

Absolute nonsense. My dcs were in paid childcare, gps never did a single day. They have an excellent relationship with their grandparents, valued by both sides.