No grandparents for childcare!

[torbs]

Hi everyone :)

This is my first thread here.

My partner and I are hoping to start a family soon.

We are both from the South of England, but moved to the North a few years ago, where we bought our first home.

Unfortunately, both of our parents still live down south - making childcare prospects difficult!

What did those of you who didn't have parents/grandparents/family as an option for free childcare do?!

Thanks for your time and I look forward to your replies.

I don’t know anyone who had grandparents available for childcare. Both my and DH’s parents lived too far away, and then DH’s parents got ill and died quite quickly. I used a childminder, and then later a nursery part-time.

Before getting pregnat I deliberately applied for jobs at companies with a good repuation for treating working parents well. And somewhere very close to home to reduce the need for childcare.

I took 18 months maternity leave then went back part time so that we didnt need so much childcare. The employer has been supportive throughout and has been very flexible about giving me the leave I need to cover times when there is no childcare and has been willing to approve leave on short notive or give me the option to make up hours in the evening if I have to leave early to collect a sick child from school. Having an understanding employer makes a massive difference.

Worked back to back (DH did days, I did nights/weekends) then paid for childcare when my job changed.

Pay a childminder. What else would you do? Nursery, childminder, nanny, or a parent stays home. Those are your options.

Paid approx £80k in nursery fees over 8/9 years until both in school

Is this an actually question???!
bloody hell you pay for it!!!!

Most people (regardless of whether they live close to grandparents) pay for nursery or childminder. For most, 30 hours free childcare kicks in 3. So it's only from 9/12 months(mat leave) until 3 that you pay full time childcare. This needs to be budgeted for as part of the process of planning a family. If your income is low, you might get extra help from benefits, there are calculators online that will give you an idea of what you might be entitled to..

I'm a single mum. All grandparents were dead and ds's dad morphed into 1950s man and decided childcare was 'woman's work.

I found a childminder close to my work. Dropped ds off on way to work. Collected on the way home. It cost about 30% of my net income.
Did that from end of maternity leave until ds was 4 and went to school.

Then worked close to school. Dropped ds off at 8.45. In work by 9ish. Left work at 5.30, collected ds from after school club. Cost considerably less.

Shared holiday cover with two other single mums. We had 15 weeks annual leave between us to cover 13 weeks school holidays.'

never lived on same continent when mine were small. You manage yourselves or pay

Paid for it. No free childcare here!

What did those of you who didn't have parents/grandparents/family as an option for free childcare do?!

Are you kidding? Look after your kids yourselves or pay for childcare. How is this not obvious?

We didn’t have any family within a days drive and managed by ourselves with kids. Totally doable. You either make a choice that one goes out and the other does childcare or you both go out and pay a childminder. For work, we worked opposite shifts, different days to make it work but others I know where people were on more usual days/hours used nursery/daycare and organised it so one parent dropped off and the other picked up.

Grandparents aren't for free childcare! I pay my mum a small amount to cover all costs, and the most important thing is quality time for grandparent with grandchild.

You choose to have a child, accept the cost of childcare

Pay for it. Daycare near my work. After second child it cost more than I earned (central London, 9-6pm) so stopped (husband was a high earner).

I got a term time only job which helped massively when they started school so obviously I'm around in the holidays. Otherwise we just didn't go out without them in the evenings or made the most of them going on playdates/sleepovers. Parents who have family willing to do childcare are so fortunate

Paid where possible. Even if that means at a loss to maintain career (nursery was more than my salary!)

Also, wraparound care at my DS's school doesn't exist and so I've had to battle and fight for part time hours. Which isn't the norm around here.

Often leaving me unemployable due to circumstances.

Even if you lived nearby, the grandparents may not wish to help out. My parents promised they would help and then backed out. Fair enough, can't complain. But it has made life difficult

We don't use grandparents for childcare but I thought a lot of people did. People seem to be shocked when I say that we don't, but to us it seems perfectly normal that she would go to nursery and I'm glad to see from other peoples responses that they do the same! Most other people I know have their child looked after by grandparents or a mixture of nursery/grandparents. There are not many childminders around here.

🤣🤣 excellent thread 🙈

We have 3 out of 4 parents within 3 miles of us. DS is 2 and I can count on one hand the number of times any of them have ever watched him alone! And the longest of those times was for 2 hours while I was at a hospital appointment and DH was working abroad.

You pay for the childcare OP 🙄

Yep, we pay for it. What else?!

Both sets of parents lived nearby but we still paid a childminder. We wanted them to be grandparents and not free labour 😐

You pay for it like everyone else.

My DD went to a nursery. Her grandparents still worked when she was little, both sides.

We pay for nursery (costs more than our mortgage) but it has been difficult not having an emergency back up close by for the sending home sick times.

You’ll get lots of posters being horrible to you for having the audacity to mention grandparents doing childcare. However I know many families who have grandparents doing between a little and a substantial amount of childcare. It’s normal. (I don’t, by the way) People (and yes of course it’s always the mothers) either don’t work, work part time with grandparents or school based wraparound care, or in some cases full time with grandparent help. Many families with two working (including part time) parents organise shifts at different times to each other as well.
And as for planning, you don’t know when thinking about having a baby whether there will be a nursery or childminder space available in the future. You don’t know when school breakfast club might suddenly shut down leaving literally no options for before-school care other than friends or grandparents. You don’t know when your job situation may change or your childminder stops working.

Paid £500 a month for nursery.

I had to pay for full time Monday to Friday 8-6 nursery then breakfast club and after school to do 8-6 til aged 10. Could only look for 9-5 jobs in commutable distance. Also had to make sure bought house in catchment for school with wrap around- it's crazy that this isn't a given in all schools!

For dc2 we combined free nursery place with childminder but this was actually more complicated.

Ime you can't do shift work without free GP childcare.