No grandparents for childcare!

[torbs]

Hi everyone :)

This is my first thread here.

My partner and I are hoping to start a family soon.

We are both from the South of England, but moved to the North a few years ago, where we bought our first home.

Unfortunately, both of our parents still live down south - making childcare prospects difficult!

What did those of you who didn't have parents/grandparents/family as an option for free childcare do?!

Thanks for your time and I look forward to your replies.

Our bill just went DOWN to £1500 per month. We'll pay that for the next year until DD's funded hours kick in. Yes, we're really paying that out every month and yes, until DD went to nursery we had that money and were using it for other things - travel, home renovations projects, savings, hobbies.

I think both sets of parents have had a lucky escape if you just expected them to provide free childcare.

Pay for it (lie everyone else); nursery or childminder or stay at home. Whatever suits your family best.

Pay for nursery or decide not to have kids or move south and live in a tiny flat.

Went part time (although if you're not married...you mention partner) then I most definitely wouldn't give up full time work as it puts you in a hugely vulnerable position financially.

But DH and I were married already/jointly owned the house etc so I worked three days per week and those three days DDs went to nursery and then once at school, went to after school club on my working days.

Pay for nursery or whichever childcare and let the grandparents be just that.

For me personally I would only ever want my DCs grandparents to be just that, grandparents. The type that spoil them every so often or treat them to a biscuit when mummy or daddy would say no because it's nearly dinner time. Grandparents that grandparent and aren't expected to parent while me and OH work.

What did those of you who didn't have parents/grandparents/family as an option for free childcare do?!

I started a local babysitting circle among other young families. We brought up our children together and babysat for each other ( earn tokens by babysitting a child you know, spend them on a babysitter your child knows) It was still going strong years after my kids grew up and left home.

The original young mums have scattered far and wide since, but almost 50 years later the survivors still meet up for lunch a couple of times a year to compare hip operations and grandchildren.

Erm, pay for it, like many people have to?

The assumption that if your relatives were nearby they'd provide you with free childcare is pretty entitled. And outdated, as many grandparents are having to work later into life.

Oh OP MN isn’t the greatest place for this question you will be eaten alive so please ignore some people. You will be told it’s your choice to have kids and GP shouldn’t be expected to help etc blah blah blah. But that doesn’t help when 95% of people I know have some support (childcare occasionally on weekends etc)
, it’s hard not be jealous at times.

Where in realistic terms it’s not about the free childcare it’s about having a support network. I dropped my hours so I work part time and use an amazing nursery the rest of the time. We don’t really have anyone we can rely on which was hard when expecting our second child try to work out which friends could pick them up or who could have them over night if needed.

It’s stressful and you don’t get any time as a couple, my eldest is now 6 and my partner and I still haven’t had a meal out together just the two of us. Alittle due to covid and the other my youngest is too young to be left with a stranger to babysit.

It’s completely worth it I promise having kids and look up the 30 free hours and when that would kick in with your cost calculations for nursery.

I have already said if and when I get grandchild it makes me want to be more involved for sure.

Paid for a childminder, paid for an au pair, paid for out of school club, swapped childcare with other school mums.

DH and 1 were never less than 2 hours away from my parents or his so manged pretty much by ourselves. Mum did willingly step in a few times and MIL would have done if we had been closer.

Pay for it like most people have to? It you can't afford it, you stay home to look after your kids.

never go out of an evening! stay at home mostly.

Did you and your boyfriend discuss with the grandparents whether, had you wanted to live near them instead of moving away, they would be willing to offer free childcare?

Paid for it until time for school - no free childcare back in the day.

I am 67 and recently retired, reasonably healthy with some arthritis and a dodgy shoulder! Much as I adore my grandchildren there is no way I would have the stamina to look after them full time. I had my darling grandaughter one afternoon until recently. She was three and although I loved her company it was hard work and the responsibility felt enormous. I would have her to play at the drop of a hat, but full time might be too much. You sound very entitled. People need to factor in that grandparents do not necessarily have the energy required for full time childcare. Of course someone in their 50s would probably be more energetic!

It's completely the norm where I come from. Not entitled. Just family helping family.

My children are 11 and 14. Until last year our nearest parent/grandparent was 150 miles away. We've paid for every second of childcare we've ever had. 6 years ago (with the youngest went to school) one salary just about broke even; we both continued working to maintain pension, cars, a foothold. We both work in construction and travel a lot, it wasn't easy, but it's what we had to do. I now manage someone who is in the same position as we were - childcare costs have accelerated so much that she no longer breaks even, but sees this as an investment in her family's future. Someone I know with twins took out a loan!

Pay for it. And be very organised- parents evenings etc Work as a team - we both made the sacrifices with work - pick up drop offs.

Childminder, reduction of hours, building up a network of friends who can do childcare favours for one another.

This sounds like a journalist to me.

Regardless, I’ll bite - not having the slightest prospect of family childcare (and I wouldn’t have expected it even if it was a possibility for us) we paid for preschool and then school nursery and now that DC is at school I am a SAHM.

I would find it incredibly rude if there was an entitled expectation I would provide free childcare for GC. I do have a life !

I reduced my hours to exactly half of my full time hours. And then used my entire salary to pay for childcare. I will continue to work fewer hours even though my children are at school, otherwise holidays would be impossible. But I like my job, it helps my sanity, my children adored nursery and they have thrived. It's frustrating and tiring at times but we don't have an option of family. We have had a single night away ourselves in 7 years.

Full time nursery here costs £1200 a month, even factoring in the Governments tax free 20%. Is everyone on this thread really paying out that amount every month? And if you are does that mean you actually had £1200 just hanging around before you had kids?

Our nursery bill was £1,400 a month for a bit when both DDs were there (that was for two children, three days per week and included a sibling discount.) It was essentially my entire wage and was a lot more than our mortgage. It's eye watering but was totally worth it in the long run as I stayed in my career, kept up pension contributions and had a promotion during that time. Now childcare fees are finally reducing we're in a good financial position as we're used to not having that money so can direct it elsewhere. I wouldn't have thought we could afford it before I had DDs but we managed. We haven't had a foreign holiday since before we had children and we eat beans on toast a lot for dinner because it's cheap but we made it work.

If you aren't aware that people don't have free childcare on tap are you sure you actually know what having a child involves

Do you live in some kind of commune/community where nurseries, childminders, nannies etc don't exist?

Erm what everyone else does?

Pay for it just like everyone else.

Grand parents are not free child minders. My mind boogles when people say this.