No grandparents for childcare!

[torbs]

Hi everyone :)

This is my first thread here.

My partner and I are hoping to start a family soon.

We are both from the South of England, but moved to the North a few years ago, where we bought our first home.

Unfortunately, both of our parents still live down south - making childcare prospects difficult!

What did those of you who didn't have parents/grandparents/family as an option for free childcare do?!

Thanks for your time and I look forward to your replies.

While family members (most often grandparents) is, I believe, the most popular childcare option in the UK, it is certainly not the only one.

When our DC were small, we both dropped to four days (four longer days so we only dropped about five hours each, so the pay drop was less) and then we used a childminder for the other three days.

My mum was able to help out on occasional Saturdays with some notice and the kids went to grandma's once or twice in the holidays but that was all.

Nursery is another option (not cheap tho) or a nanny if you have multiple pre-school children. Of course in a lot of cases, one parent temporarily stops work as an alternative. I was very keen to continue working for a number of reasons, but that's not for everyone.

Nursery

Nursery, childminder, preschool for everyday care. We have used someone from the nursery we used as a babysitter as well, but it is £££. I work in a school, so that helps with holidays, but we still need after school care as I don't finish early enough to collect dcs.

Mine are still quite small, so for the first time recently, we drove dcs to dh's parents who had them overnight and we went to a hotel not too far away. It was a special occasion and we can't do that all the time, but it was nice for all of us.

I can only assume this is a wind up. Even the people I know who used grandparents for childcare they also paid for nursery alongside if (so GP did one day a week).

I work Monday/Tuesday/Thursday/Friday. DH works Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday/Friday/Saturday. We therefore need childcare three days per week and use a nursery. No funded hours yet and costs about £700 a month before the government top up.

Are you for real? You must be either very entitled, very ignorant, very naive or completely devoid of common sense.

They are your children. It is your responsibility to provide childcare or pay someone to provide childcare such as a nanny or childminder etc.

SMH.

One good piece of advice OP. Book ahead.

To be able to work properly, you need to have booked care at leat four months ahead and preferably six months.

That just leaves the occasional day of child sickness to cover - and hope you have a healthy child.

Nursery or childminder
breakfast/after school club
holiday clubs
find a local teenager or 2 who come with references to be evening babysitters

We have absolutely no family help so all of these things have been useful to us over the years.

Paying for nursery doesn’t work once they’re in school, and you’re lucky if you have wraparound care available in school or through a local childminder. We haven’t had a school breakfast club since January due to staff shortage and there aren’t any childminders who drop off to it. It’s a big primary school in a big city, too.
It’s not easy to be a working parent.

Plan how you and boyfriend will fund childcare and arrange pickups and drop offs from school, who’ll collect kid when sick, who’ll stay home with sick kid, etc. Don’t quit your job to raise a kid without the legal protections of marriage.

Pay for it. My son (21 months) went to nursery full time once I returned to teaching after maternity leave. He was 11 months old. Currently on maternity leave again with my newborn and Send him one day a week. When I return to work next year with two of them in paid nursery, it will cost my entire wage but it has to be done if I want to stay in the same job/not pay back maternity pay etc. In his 21 months, he has been looked after for the wholes day by a grandparent three times. To be honest, for us, it’s not the working bit that is hard…it’s the fact that there’s no one to have them one evening while we have a date…that’s harder!

I do have grandparents nearby and still don’t reply on them for free childcare.

Unless it was discussed (thus you shouldn’t have moved) as something you all agreed on then I’m afraid paid-for childcare is the way forward

At my DGs primary school, where I, GM did most of the school run and childcare for free (I love doing it), many families, and I mean many, took their DC out of the school and moved back to be close to their parents. I suppose for free childcare and family relationships.

Do you mean babysitting for the odd night out as opposed to day to day childcare while you're at work? I once heard about an NCT group who set up a system where each mum had a certain number of 'tokens' that she could use to 'buy' evenings from the others. It seemed like a good way to help each other out without anyone taking advantage.

Having said that, my personal experience is that DH and I have only gone out together on the few nights that a family member has offered to come and stay at our house/have the kids at theirs. And as for regular childcare while we're at work, yes of course we pay for it!

I would never use anyone for free childcare, my goodness!!

Er, even if your parents lived locally you would be totally unreasonable to assume they'd be on tap for free childcare! The grandparent generation do have lives. Everyone I have known has paid, and made their plans accordingly.

This post is honestly ridiculous. You pay for it like everyone else! Not everyone has parents and even if they did they should not be expected to look after your children. If you can’t afford it then reconsider your work/family options.

Yes to this! 2 in childcare is a killer. But worth it in the long term :)

You shouldn’t plan to have children if you need to rely on grandparents. If you both choose to go back to work, pay for childcare

I reduced my days to 3, but worked 3.5 (half day from home flexibly with dc there). She went to nursery from 14 months until she started school. You can apply for tax free childcare or if you're on a lower income then you may be eligible for childcare support through universal credit. We didn't have grandparents or any family living near us. I don't know anybody who had grandparent help (in the SE of England).

I don’t know anyone who has free childcare through family members. We all pay for it.

I think this may be an income bracket thing. Where our son is at school, every child with both parents working use family- mostly grandparents plus an aunt who is a sahm, or similar. Wages are not much more than minimum for most parents at the school gate, and I can think of several with babies who work nights, whilst the other parent works days to make ends meet bc childcare costs are so high.
where my husband works, both parents working is the norm, as are nannies for those with two or more children under school age. His workplace is in a much more affluent area.
so i think asking if it is a joke might be a little tone deaf - there is a huge variety of experience in this country, and certainly ops forethought is trying to plan for this is acknowledging a problem that, even if you don’t personally encounter it, is definitely a problem that exists for some.

Full time nursery here costs £1200 a month, even factoring in the Governments tax free 20%. Is everyone on this thread really paying out that amount every month? And if you are does that mean you actually had £1200 just hanging around before you had kids?

OP: DH are I were able to condense our hours at work which has helped. Not sure if that’s an option at all?

1. get married before you get pregnant
2. BOTH work PT so need to use less paid childcare
3. use a nursery (with no family close by we needed the reliability of a nursery, childminders and nannies get sick/go on holiday/decide to stop working) and pay an absolute fortune for it (higher than our mortgage)
4. work shifted hours so DH did drop off then went into work late and I started work early and left early to do pick up
5. have no money or social life for a few years but feel very rich once you no longer are paying a small fortune every month on childcare and laugh at those who say teenagers are more expensive than small children.

Looked after them myself.