AIBU- mum refusing to help with childcare when I return to work.

[Essexgurlx]

Hello,
I am in my early 20s and fell pregnant unexpectedly a couple of months after finishing university and starting my professional career.
I have a partner of 5 years.
We decided to continue with the pregnancy despite it not being the best time in my life in respect to me newly graduating and starting my career!
My family were delighted when we told them.
My mum is a healthy fifty year old woman and hasn’t worked outside the home since she was around mid 20s and had me and my sibling and became a SAHM. She has lots of free time now as me and my sibling have both flown the nest and she does not plan to return to any work, does not study and does not volunteer etc.
My sibling is younger at university and will not be having children anytime soon.
I am going to be returning to work early next year and want to return full time. In my area full time nursery places are at least £1000 per month and I (stupidly now I realise) just expected my mum to offer to care for my baby multiple days a week.
My partner works 4 days per week in shift patterns where they would be overlap between our working hours but not to the extent of a full day. So for example I would work 7am-4pm and he would work 2pm-12pm meaning my mum would only need to provide child care 2-4pm not for full days or anything like that. My mum has made it clear she “doesn’t want to be tied down with a child” and is only interested in caring for her grandchild “every now and again”. She has asked me multiple times what my plan is for nursery care.
I am now feeling so stressed at how much nursery fees are going to cost.
My partner’s parents both work full time Monday to Friday similar hours to me so they can’t support but I think they would if they could and my dad is very busy with 2 jobs and not a lot of spare time at all. There is no other family to care for the baby while I am at work so I will have to put her in nursery or to a childminder.
AIBU to feel upset and let down by my mother?
I just expected more support from her- especially as she was so excited to have this first grandchild gloating to all her friends, posts about my baby all over her social media and threw a lavish baby shower inviting everyone she knew for her to now turn around and basically say she isn’t offering any support.
What would you do in this situation?

Who says she is sitting around all day doing nothing?! How very ageist. Thos woman is in her prime, childfree and has some money.

She could be out loving every single day with a packed calender.

And the OP says herself her mum is very interested, very excited and thre her a brilliant baby shower. What more could you actually ask for? (If you're not a dickhead)

Has a ring to it.

It’ll fit better on a T-shirt. In a nice, large sans serif font.

I'm starting to wonder if the OP and her partner have discovered the name change function

How is looking after your grandchild for two days a week, raising them?

I love how some posters obviously haven't RTFT.

Try a childminder.

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim how am I being ageist lol don’t put words in my mouth.

OP said her mum doesn’t work and is a SAHM. Doesn’t study and also doesn’t volunteer. She also has grown up kids. My reference to ‘sitting down all day’ meant she doesn’t seem to have her days filled with anything. It’s not like she’s slaving away at work 7 days a week doing 12hr shifts but hey maybe I just come from a culture where families help out with childcare

I can understand your disappointment, but agreeing to look after a small child several times a week is a big commitment. She has brought up her family and is probably now wanting some time to herself. She wants to be a grandparent, not a childminder. Unfortunately the high cost of childcare has to be sucked up, it's not forever, but you may have to make some adjustments. I cut my hours as financially it no longer made sense for me to work part time.

To be fair, it’s 14 pages of bollocks. It’s not like you can just read the OPs posts to understand it as the ‘partner’ has posted with a different account. It needs deleting, it’s not helping anyone.

Thanks for the heads up. I now suspect that the OP and partner are fake and probably bored waiting for their next GCSE exam🙄

My mum has my 13 month DD stay over on Tuesday and Friday nights just to give me a break. If I went back to work, my mum and/or auntie would help out with looking after her. It’s not unheard of to have family helping out but if they don’t want too then they don’t want too. What can you do. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel upset about it either

Would you really want to do free childcare for that ungrateful pair of dickheads @pedropony76 ?

Assuming that an older woman is sitting around doing nothing is a dick idea.

She has effectively retired. She has done her restricted work and is now free.

She has offered help and support. They even say that! But they are childish, immature morons who want to demand more for their foolishness.

If OP and her partner weren't prepared then they should have looked into a Termination. They have failed at every avenue so far and the poor kids mot even born yet.

Very true

I'd feel let down by my mum in this scenario op. It's not unreasonable to hope your mum would want to help you out.

I think you may need to think again about what hours you want to do. You may feel very differently about wanting to work FT once the baby arrives anyway.

Bit harsh on GCSE students.

😂

Has the poor lamb flounced for good?

This is the biggest load of shit I think I've ever read on mumsnet

😂😂😂

Are you from Yorkshire?

Well, all mums have one!

I would reduce your days working ie 4 days - one day partner is off anyway so can have child. 1 day you are off if only 4 days a week. That leaves 3 afternoons for paying nursery (partner drops off on way to work and you collect. you could ask mum if she would do 1 day a week for 2hrs - which would mean just 2 afternoon nursery.

Or work 5 days but reduce hrs to 5 half days (no nursery) 3 half days and 2 longer days with afternoon nursery.

Or any combination of above

The thread is still here? 😂

However, I’m quite taken with ‘cunt mums’ and might start a guerrilla parenting movement titled as such.

Loving this though!

😆

It's a massive commitment you are asking of your mum and very unreasonable. You should have considered childcare costs before deciding to continue the pregnancy.

I'm gonna delete my account now bye fuck all of you 🖕🏾🖕🏾 toxic cunts

That leaves you and your partner with free time to look for childcare and parenting classes. You need both of those. Poor soon to be child having parents like you 😂