AIBU- mum refusing to help with childcare when I return to work.

[Essexgurlx]

Hello,
I am in my early 20s and fell pregnant unexpectedly a couple of months after finishing university and starting my professional career.
I have a partner of 5 years.
We decided to continue with the pregnancy despite it not being the best time in my life in respect to me newly graduating and starting my career!
My family were delighted when we told them.
My mum is a healthy fifty year old woman and hasn’t worked outside the home since she was around mid 20s and had me and my sibling and became a SAHM. She has lots of free time now as me and my sibling have both flown the nest and she does not plan to return to any work, does not study and does not volunteer etc.
My sibling is younger at university and will not be having children anytime soon.
I am going to be returning to work early next year and want to return full time. In my area full time nursery places are at least £1000 per month and I (stupidly now I realise) just expected my mum to offer to care for my baby multiple days a week.
My partner works 4 days per week in shift patterns where they would be overlap between our working hours but not to the extent of a full day. So for example I would work 7am-4pm and he would work 2pm-12pm meaning my mum would only need to provide child care 2-4pm not for full days or anything like that. My mum has made it clear she “doesn’t want to be tied down with a child” and is only interested in caring for her grandchild “every now and again”. She has asked me multiple times what my plan is for nursery care.
I am now feeling so stressed at how much nursery fees are going to cost.
My partner’s parents both work full time Monday to Friday similar hours to me so they can’t support but I think they would if they could and my dad is very busy with 2 jobs and not a lot of spare time at all. There is no other family to care for the baby while I am at work so I will have to put her in nursery or to a childminder.
AIBU to feel upset and let down by my mother?
I just expected more support from her- especially as she was so excited to have this first grandchild gloating to all her friends, posts about my baby all over her social media and threw a lavish baby shower inviting everyone she knew for her to now turn around and basically say she isn’t offering any support.
What would you do in this situation?

and your partner getting to orgasm

I think you are making unfounded assumptions there 😂

I'm gonna delete my account now bye fuck all of you 🖕🏾🖕🏾 toxic cunts

She deserves a damehood.

Absolutely. Strangely, I'm getting huge hints and clues to why the Ops mother is refusing to do regular childcare. Anyone else?

I meant him. He orgasmed.

I'm going to go ahead and assume that all her of the past 5 years are courtesy of Ann Summers et al.

I think that decision has been made for her. 🤔

I think that if any of this is real that it’s time for you to try to grow up and take some responsibility. You are going to be responsible for a child soon, and you are going to need to do much better than you are doing here if they are to have a happy childhood and turn out OK.

YABU

Support does not equal permanent childminding.

You are entitled and wrong to assume.

She will most likely be incredibly supportive and love her grandchild dearly, and even do the odd spot of babysitting but this does not involve permanent childminding.

My mistake, I was so moved by the poetic elegance of your posts @Youarehorrid , through my tears of sheer joy, I conflated two of them.

You in fact called us ‘wankers’, ‘dick head mums’ and just common-or-garden ‘cunts’.

However, I’m quite taken with ‘cunt mums’ and might start a guerrilla parenting movement titled as such.

I don’t know what’s wrong with Grandparents these days, there seems to be a secret rule that they DON’T help with childcare when someone actually needs it, only on their terms, when it’s convenient for them 🙄.

You can’t really expect her to help on multiple days but one or two days a week would be nice. It’s only for a few years before she/he starts school anyway.

@HoppingPavlova I think the way the DP has behaved on this thread the DM will be staying well away.

AIBU to feel upset and let down by my mother?

YEs, YABU

It’s understandable that you might feel let down emotionally, but it is totally unreasonable to expect her to provide childcare. You became pregnant, you and your partner decided to keep the pregnancy.

Your parents have done their child-rearing days. They’ve done their bit.

Cunt mums 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I am also quite taken with 'cunt mums', at least something positive has come of this thread.

@NoNoNoooo Maybe RTFT

I agree with OP.

Yes her mum didn’t ask her to get pregnant nor is it her mum’s baby. However if you’re sitting around all day doing nothing, why wouldn’t you want to help your child out?

People on MN always say ‘no one owes you childcare’ but in real life there’s loads of families that help each other out. Sorry about that OP but your mum doesn’t seem interested at all. There’s not anything you can do other than make your own arrangements for childcare if you hope to go back to work

@Youarehorrid
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I honestly don't understand why you think a woman who has raised her kids, would want to raise yours. Sorry, but to assume that is just so entitled.

Childcare is expensive. And to not have factored this in when you were having discussions regarding the pregnancy, is a big oversight on your part.

Wow ok despite the name-change failed OP being a rude, entitled piece of work I'm not against the general premise of the thread.
Families help each other out.
If this is the general attitude towards childcare no wonder old people are left to manage everything on their own. It's 'not the kids' responsibility' after all..

CUNT MUMS, UNITE!

YaNbu in these circumstances I would expect my mum to offer and to want to help. I'd be upset too. And suprised given that she was very excited about you having the child. Also the fact that she doesn't work and has never worked. I'd just expect her to volunteer. Obviously you can't force her so you'll have to accept it but I'd be upset too. Sorry. Could your partners mother help? Get a bit of healthy grandparent competition on the go..

I suppose "cunt mums" is a step up from "A nest of vipers". It has more of a chippy ring to it

You might want to see what happened later in the thread before mailing those particular colours to the mast.

Very, very self centred I'm afraid OP.

Time to grow up and take responsibility for your own choices.

Have you looked into nurseries? Childminders are also a good option.

Good luck!