How to manage - Childcare with 2 under 3 and both working parents

[Boogiewoogi]

Hi

Just looking for some advice. Child 2 is due this summer and we have a DD who has just turned 2. I’ll be taking 6 months off work as will my husband (for complicated reasons involving work commitments we both need to take the same time off)

So as of January 2023 we will have 2 under 3 and I’m not sure how to juggle childcare.

We both have senior corporate roles which sometimes have long hours and will be a mix of home / office working. I think we could sort it so we take it in turns to do days in the office and home, finishing earlier on the days we are at home.

My DD currently goes to nursery 3 days a week and loves it, then MIL looks after her the other 2. What would be the best approach when new baby is here?

I’m wondering if we could flip the days so DD stays at nursery 2 days a week, MIL looks after the baby those same 2 days a week, then perhaps we could get a nanny for the other 3 days a week? Ideally she would be happy to stay overnight 2 of those nights so that we can get a proper sleep before work. Would a role like that appeal?

We each earn £100k+ so don’t qualify for any childcare help / funded hours but are obviously very lucky to be able to pay for help.

Would be grateful for any advice!

DH and I also both had full time working parents, he has 2 DSibs, I have one. His all went to boarding school. We’re all really close to our families & had wonderful Nannie’s growing up, mine was like a third grandmother and I used to push my mum out the door. Both sets of parents were able to stagger hours so they were home more for us, ie, my dad would be home by 4, my mum would leave for work around 8:30/9. We’ve done something similar, DH starts working around 9:30, I finish around 4 and nanny is still there but I’m cooking and DC can choose to be in the kitchen and cook with me or stay and play with her nanny.

I definitely agree. Get a nanny, full time or 4 days. Cleaner twice a week. Then grandma can look after children whenever she wants. Take them solo to have quality time etc. we put our dc into ft nursery from 8 months as we didn't have funds for nanny but with your salaries, I would get a nanny. If older child has friends then put them into nursery a couple of days a week to give grandma or nanny some one on one time with baby which is also good for baby. Good luck !!

Thanks so much for all this advice, it’s really useful and good to know what others have tried and used before

(Including lots of women on this thread sleeping our way to the top, apparently )

You will get the school hours and wrap around is often a right pain and holidays are long (plus sick days). So definitely the full time nanny who is willing to do that school run.

A dual career friend uses an au pair with daily nursery/private prep for her 2 and 4 year old which has worked really well for her. It has struck the right balance of not relying either on a nanny (sick days) OR nursery (sick children).

The only issue with au pairs is that you need to bank on hiring a new one every 6-12 months as it’s only ever short term. She’s had some lovely girls, only one hasn’t worked out (needed to be sent home in

Wow. That got a bit wild.

Keep doing what you’re doing. I thoroughly enjoy my job and have no reason to go part time even if someone else is shouting from the sidelines that I earn enough to (… and I should just “get back in my lane” or some sexist crap? No thanks.)

Yes re the 15 free hours, doesn’t matter a bit if you both earn >£100k

Also: worth asking your local school you are considering if they do “top up” to the 30 hours through a one-off payment - ours did this for DD2 so was a reasonable way of her getting extended nursery time - but depends how they run their sessions

It sounds great having mil available for sick days but in practice they may not be the days you or she can look after your child, in particular when it’s your child not the nanny whose sick. By definition they are usually short notice, and you may find that you get quite sensitive about exposing her to contagious illnesses, plus she cant come ad hoc days shes looking after your dds cousin, plus your dhs sister/brother may be very sensitive about their own children being exposed to whatever your dd has through their mum… my mil looks after multiple grandchildren and these elements can get tricky.

Nannies will look after sick children, it's when the nanny is sick or on holiday that you need to cover. Nannies will have 28 days holiday a year.

My child has been in almost full time childcare from a young age, you don't have to follow anyone else's ideas or ideals

I don't hate on SAHMs, don't hate on working mums. It is okay to do what works best for your circumstances, finances, mental well-being and your children. Mine was cared for by a minder from 6 months and has thrived, we are amazingly bonded, and he adores the minder too. I love that he adores the minder and that he loves the other children there and is well socialised.

I like working, and wouldn't be able to afford to not, and I absolutely make the most of the time we have together which is mornings, evenings and weekends

Whatever works for you is what I would recommend, and what keeps your MIL happy too :)

[quote Porridgeislife]@PearPickingPorky the 30 free hours is definitely income assessed and OP wouldn’t be eligible based on her original comments.

www.gov.uk/30-hours-free-childcare[/quote]
I said 15. Not 30.

30 is income release, 15 is for all children from 3.

@Woofwoofbarkbark

Sounds like you need a 3rd parent who doesn't work!

It s called a paid full time nanny

@Satingreenshutters what an unpleasant individual you are. Why are you directing such vitriol at OP?

@pitterpatterrain

Wow. That got a bit wild.

Keep doing what you’re doing. I thoroughly enjoy my job and have no reason to go part time even if someone else is shouting from the sidelines that I earn enough to (… and I should just “get back in my lane” or some sexist crap? No thanks.)

Yes re the 15 free hours, doesn’t matter a bit if you both earn >£100k

Also: worth asking your local school you are considering if they do “top up” to the 30 hours through a one-off payment - ours did this for DD2 so was a reasonable way of her getting extended nursery time - but depends how they run their sessions

Thank you

Wow you have a hard time here @Boogiewoogi

Lovely mil happy to have. I would limit her to 2 days as though she wants to, it’s bloody tiring looking after a baby and toddler, let alone being older

Get a 3 day nanny and mil other 2 days

If you need extra sleep get a night nanny in once a week

You don’t want your nanny tired before she starts her day iyswim

All children regardless what parent earn are I ticked to 15hrs when 3. Term after they are 3

Put name down now for that Pre school which hopefully will lead to primary school

@Woofwoofbarkbark

I don't think people are jealous. Its just hard to get your head around full time childcare when its not something you would morally do.

And of course people would say it to a man too.

Morally do - WTAF? Do you morally claim benefits instead?

nearlyspringyay gosh I had missed that hilarious quote 🤣 there are some people up on their high horses floating around

I sometimes wonder if there are people running screaming away from me to their moral high ground when they find out that not only am I a mother but I also work FT

And the idea that would be said to a man

@pitterpatterrain

nearlyspringyay gosh I had missed that hilarious quote 🤣 there are some people up on their high horses floating around

I sometimes wonder if there are people running screaming away from me to their moral high ground when they find out that not only am I a mother but I also work FT

And the idea that would be said to a man

Did you also see the one where I was called a “dirty bitch” who had “probably slept my way to the top”?

Or that as my husband might drop down to 4 days my children should be grateful to have a father who loves them more than I do

Both high points of the thread I’d say

Just read through thread- my god some of the comments! Denigrating a working mother ffs who is looking for advice and support. Op if you came on here saying your marriage was shaky it would be- increase your hours, advance your career etc etc.

Sound like you and dh love your jobs- fab! As you both want a fulfilling career then I would advise to pay for the best quality childcare you can afford that fits around your schedules. As you're both high earners I would get a nanny, save mil for one offs/ sickness/ weekend babysitting (if they want to :-) Your oldest will he eligible for 15 hours nursery when they turn 3.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

@Savvysix1984

Just read through thread- my god some of the comments! Denigrating a working mother ffs who is looking for advice and support. Op if you came on here saying your marriage was shaky it would be- increase your hours, advance your career etc etc.

Sound like you and dh love your jobs- fab! As you both want a fulfilling career then I would advise to pay for the best quality childcare you can afford that fits around your schedules. As you're both high earners I would get a nanny, save mil for one offs/ sickness/ weekend babysitting (if they want to :-) Your oldest will he eligible for 15 hours nursery when they turn 3.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Yes, YABU to work full-time and build your career (and neglect your children!). Why bother having them if you're not going to spend every waking moment hovering over them? Your poor DH, having a wife like you! I bet you don't even warm his slippers for when he gets home from his hard day's work.

Until your relationship breaks down and you're getting divorced. At which point, YABU and lazy to not work or work part-time or think you should have access to 'his' money. It was your choice to sacrifice your career for the children and you can't expect him to 'bankroll' you after the relationship has ended. Or even to do his fair share of childcare. After all, he's spent all those years working hard to support you while you've been sat on your arse at home doing nothing.

You really can't win .

Wow. Women really can be their own worst enemies!! Jesus. Sorry, OP. I really do think some women are jealous of those who’ve managed to have both a family and a career.

I found that the expense of a nanny was a lot more than I’d expected (perhaps naively.) we are in London and all in, with the NI rise soon, it’ll hit close to 60k. You may know this already, though.

Yikes, this thread!!! I just read a story about a single working mum of 7 on HONY, and then to read these comments straight after has left me shocked!

@Boogiewoogi I was the nanny for a couple in your position. They tag teamed it so that one would leave early one week (before 6) and come home around six that week to relieve me. And the next week they would switch.

When I was working with two under 2, I used a childminder who was spitting distance to my work place. But, I am a teacher, and not in an office, so my working environment was more family friendly.
With nursery, use wrap around care!

The only other thing I would say is value your childcare. Without good childcare, everything falls down! I had one boss who constantly mumbled that my salary was more than a junior doctor. I only stayed 6 months, and she went through a lot of nannies in the years that followed. Thankfully she was a minority, but I never forgot how unvalued she made me feel. All the other families, I am still in touch with as a good family friend.

Good luck!

OP please ignore all the vile comments about ‘looking after your own children’. You’ve worked very hard to get to your current role and you have a career with a plans, a future etc. Childcare is wonderful.

DH and I both work FT and have had a nanny since my DS1 was about a year old. They are now 3 and 5 and we are going to transition to a nanny/housekeeper in September when DS2 goes to school. It’s cost an absolute fortune and has been a stretch for us (I have no family help in the UK but my DM sends me a contribution to the nanny costs as a ‘if I was here then I would help myself’ gesture which has helped a lot!) and I can hands down say it was the best money ever spent. It gives you a flexibility to have to work late sometimes, to have a sick child at home cared for etc which nursery simply doesn’t. The child also builds up a relationship with the nanny which is affectionate and lovely.

The only thing I would say is that by limiting to 3 days a week you will limit the pool of nannies keen to take the job (not disasterously

Pressed send too soon!

Not disastrously but it’s a factor to consider. Most nannies won’t work days and nights (24 hour on call) - families that employ this level of cover tend to be very high net worth overseas families and they tend to employ 2 nannies who do one week on/one week off or similar. I imagine that’s not in your budget.

How old will be baby be in Jan? My vote would be to hire a maternity nurse for a few weeks at the 3-4 month stage who will 100% get the baby sleeping through the night (they are miracle workers) and then you don’t need night cover

Don't forget at 3 your child will get the basic 15 hours term time or 11 stretched that all children are entitled to. Most people have to use childcare and childminders tend to be more flexible as well as cheaper but offer exactly the same as nursery. An ofsted registered childminder grading is exactly the same criteria and inspectors as a nursery but for some reason people assume it's less prestigious to use them.

Glad I missed this thread first time round. What horrendous comments, although not surprised to see the name attached to one of them. A user who I've yet to see post anything remotely helpful on any thread.

Hope you find a good solution for you all, OP! I think it's lovely your MIL wants to be so involved and help out, and it'll be so nice for your DC too.