How to manage - Childcare with 2 under 3 and both working parents

[Boogiewoogi]

Hi

Just looking for some advice. Child 2 is due this summer and we have a DD who has just turned 2. I’ll be taking 6 months off work as will my husband (for complicated reasons involving work commitments we both need to take the same time off)

So as of January 2023 we will have 2 under 3 and I’m not sure how to juggle childcare.

We both have senior corporate roles which sometimes have long hours and will be a mix of home / office working. I think we could sort it so we take it in turns to do days in the office and home, finishing earlier on the days we are at home.

My DD currently goes to nursery 3 days a week and loves it, then MIL looks after her the other 2. What would be the best approach when new baby is here?

I’m wondering if we could flip the days so DD stays at nursery 2 days a week, MIL looks after the baby those same 2 days a week, then perhaps we could get a nanny for the other 3 days a week? Ideally she would be happy to stay overnight 2 of those nights so that we can get a proper sleep before work. Would a role like that appeal?

We each earn £100k+ so don’t qualify for any childcare help / funded hours but are obviously very lucky to be able to pay for help.

Would be grateful for any advice!

Adding on - when I was travelling a lot we also had someone come 7-9 am to help DH get the kids up and do drop-off, as if he was doing both ends of the day it was tricky with his commute and work meetings etc - could imagine others would do the opposite (evening nanny on top of daytime care) depending upon where the pinch points are

Mine are now older and it all worked fine, happy DC etc

Our girls are now 5 & 3 and we use a school hours nursery with an au pair to do the dropoff and after school parts, through to bed time when we need it.

Before the youngest was in nursery we had two au pairs to be able to cover the total number of hours, this was while we were WFH so I was comfortable with an experienced but unqualified carer. For under 2, if I were working out of the home I'd use a nanny or qualified au pair instead. (We were lucky to find an Australian early years education graduate who wanted to experience life in the UK)

I had 3 under 2.
A full time nanny with the eldest still going to nursery part time worked best for us.
If your MIL can help out if there are late nights it travel or the nanny gets sick that would be really helpful

@istandwithukraine

I'd check the affordability of nannies - they are unaffordable by most "normal" peoples standards - I have 1 year old twins and a 5 year old - we have always used childminders - most are open 730am until 630pm

I'm the main earner by a considerable way. Very much career focused in a male dominated industry - I have a rule now that no matter where I am in the country I get home for bed time - I certainly don't do as many unpaid overtime hours as I did.

Agree, a nanny will be significantly more expensive than the combination of nursery and grandparent care that you’re currently using.

@Satingreenshutters

Jesus she's 75! leave her out of full days of a newborn!

I am actually getting really upset by the comments on this thread. I am trying to do the best thing for my family by finding the best solution and finding all these bitchy replies completely unnecessary. This isn’t AIBU, it’s the childcare topic.

I’m being considerate of my MIL but I’m not going to completely steamroller over anything she says she can do. If she says she can look after a 6 month old baby then why would I completely ignore her? It will be much easier in some ways than an energetic toddler.

I have no idea why people come on to threads like this without any helpful suggestions but thanks so much to everyone who has just come here to be an absolute prick to someone who is pregnant and asking for help on navigating the logistics of childcare

I haven’t done anything wrong, I don’t know why people are being so awful

Wowzers some of these comments. I guess some people are very jealous that you have a great career/wage and can afford help and also have a helpful MIL. I'm telling you now if two full time nurses had come on to ask about how best to deal with childcare and what would be best with their roles they wouldn't be getting half the rude replies. So many green eyed monsters and I say that as a stay at home mum with no career and no money but that's a choice I make not going to start handing out rudeness when it's not needed or necessary 😂

Keep the oldest in nursery 3 days. Nanny 4 days a week to look after baby and to have availability when oldest is sick or needs collecting dropping off etc. Mother in law to have baby on a day when oldest is in nursery & nanny's day off. If mother in law wants to collect oldest from nursery and have for tea or something one night a week so she gets to see him/her? Up to her. Keep it flexible for mother in law and whatever she feels up to?

@Satingreenshutters

If she says she can look after a 6 month old baby then why would I completely ignore her? It will be much easier in some ways than an energetic toddler

Emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm coz she is 75. 2 full days with a 6 month old baby is NOT easy for an old woman.

Why not pay for a full time nanny and let MIL do bits here and there but to expect her, at her age, to be handed a baby to look after for 2 full days on an ongoing basis is taking the piss.

My MIL WANTS to do childcare and currently does 2 full days with our toddler and another 2 full days with my BIL’s daughter.

Why would I take that away from her and think I know her better than she knows herself because you tell me too? Seriously, how patronising to tell her that now she’s old I don’t think she should do the childcare that she wants to, enjoys and has asked to do?

My husband had a very honest convo with her at the start saying was it too much, no trouble at all for her to be in nursery etc etc but she was adamant she wanted to do it. But apparently you know her better and we should take this random advice from an internet stranger. She would be so upset if we told her this fgs.

@sunsshineshowerss

Wowzers some of these comments. I guess some people are very jealous that you have a great career/wage and can afford help and also have a helpful MIL. I'm telling you now if two full time nurses had come on to ask about how best to deal with childcare and what would be best with their roles they wouldn't be getting half the rude replies. So many green eyed monsters and I say that as a stay at home mum with no career and no money but that's a choice I make not going to start handing out rudeness when it's not needed or necessary 😂

Keep the oldest in nursery 3 days. Nanny 4 days a week to look after baby and to have availability when oldest is sick or needs collecting dropping off etc. Mother in law to have baby on a day when oldest is in nursery & nanny's day off. If mother in law wants to collect oldest from nursery and have for tea or something one night a week so she gets to see him/her? Up to her. Keep it flexible for mother in law and whatever she feels up to?

Thank you, it’s absolutely doing my head in!

@Satingreenshutters

My MIL WANTS to do childcare and currently does 2 full days with our toddler and another 2 full days with my BIL’s daughter

OMG and now you want to swap your daughter for tiny baby??? Of COURSE she wants to help but the thing is HOW is it affecting her. Christ Almighty has she no break from minding kids in her late 70's? She has kids 4 days a week? The poor woman. Try justify it all you like but doing that to a lady of her age even though she insists she can do it is wrong.

I’ve AS’d you and you’re this rude and objectionable on almost every thread. You don’t have anything constructive or useful to add, and I give absolutely zero care about your opinion on this matter so it’s best if you just move along to trolling someone else and leave the thread for helpful responses

I would go for a full time nanny and ask your mil to look after them on odd days to facilitate the nanny having a day off at time when this would help you. For example if your nanny us Monday to Friday and you want an occasional overnight stay. If mil was willing to have the children for a weekday and your nanny was flexible she could have a day off in return for an overnight stay including getting up with baby. Maybe without it costing you more. Mil could also be standby care if your nanny was off sick in the same way that parents are often the standby care when kids are too I'll to go to nursery. I think this would be far easier for you than mux and match nursery/ mil with all the logistics of getting older child to nursery ext.

TBH I would think MIL would be able to do a "short day" while one of you WFH so she is handed fed, dressed DC @8:45 and hands them back @ 5. A 6:45 start until 7pm or so, not so much.

@Neurodiversitydoctor

TBH I would think MIL would be able to do a "short day" while one of you WFH so she is handed fed, dressed DC *@8*:45 and hands them back @ 5. A 6:45 start until 7pm or so, not so much.

Yes indeed, that’s what she does so far, we give toddler breakfast, get her dressed whil MIL stays in bed / has a shower we bring her tea, then whoever is WFH finishes about 5 to relieve her and give child dinner / bedtime etc. We also do all the meals so it’s all prepped for her and DD has a good 2 hour nap at lunch so she has some downtime then too.

We’d do the same thing going forward except the baby would have more naps

@shiningstar2

I would go for a full time nanny and ask your mil to look after them on odd days to facilitate the nanny having a day off at time when this would help you. For example if your nanny us Monday to Friday and you want an occasional overnight stay. If mil was willing to have the children for a weekday and your nanny was flexible she could have a day off in return for an overnight stay including getting up with baby. Maybe without it costing you more. Mil could also be standby care if your nanny was off sick in the same way that parents are often the standby care when kids are too I'll to go to nursery. I think this would be far easier for you than mux and match nursery/ mil with all the logistics of getting older child to nursery ext.

This is a good idea, nanny sickness is something that would concern me for getting short notice cover

I agree that a nanny for daily care and then pre school type nursery hours for your eldest with your MIL picking and choosing which days/hours she wants to take her would be a good option. So eldest might only end up doing 4 days at pre school with a half day or full day with your MIL. But you then have nanny for afternoons/sickness/holidays.

I had 3 under 3 and have had a nanny since my oldest were a year. Only had two nannies in 8 years and if you find the right person and look after them properly it's a wonderful addition to life.

If it was me...i'd send eldest DC to a school nursery on 15 hours a week...so three hours a day, morning or afternoon in term time. That's free. I'd do that for the socialisation. I'd get a full time nanny too. I'd imagine most nannies want full time roles? You earn decent money. I wouldn't bother with juggling nursery days, grandparents and a part time nanny.

I'd also try to give MIL a day or half a day with just the toddler, maybe let the nanny have the baby only.

oh and make sure you are clear about overnights. most nannies i know HATE them but maybe the extra day off in exchange might work as a temptation. Your experience may differ. But just be clear about frequency and how it would work as it could put some really good applicants off if they think it's going to be every week.

@FreeButtonBee

I agree that a nanny for daily care and then pre school type nursery hours for your eldest with your MIL picking and choosing which days/hours she wants to take her would be a good option. So eldest might only end up doing 4 days at pre school with a half day or full day with your MIL. But you then have nanny for afternoons/sickness/holidays.

I had 3 under 3 and have had a nanny since my oldest were a year. Only had two nannies in 8 years and if you find the right person and look after them properly it's a wonderful addition to life.

That’s great, thank you!

@FreeButtonBee

oh and make sure you are clear about overnights. most nannies i know HATE them but maybe the extra day off in exchange might work as a temptation. Your experience may differ. But just be clear about frequency and how it would work as it could put some really good applicants off if they think it's going to be every week.

Yeah this is a good point, I was wondering though if we could almost condense a full time job in to fewer days to include some overnights with MIL / nursery topping and tailing that

I’ll definitely have a look at these options on some childcare sites

@Comedycook

If it was me...i'd send eldest DC to a school nursery on 15 hours a week...so three hours a day, morning or afternoon in term time. That's free. I'd do that for the socialisation. I'd get a full time nanny too. I'd imagine most nannies want full time roles? You earn decent money. I wouldn't bother with juggling nursery days, grandparents and a part time nanny.

Unfortunately we aren’t eligible for any of the paid childcare hours hence trying to figure out the most cost effective way of being able to cover all bases with the options we do have!

I would get a full time nanny tbh. A nanny will help with all day to day stuff child related at home like cook for children, and child’s laundry. Keep nursery a few mornings for eldest so they can play with other children. Nanny can focus on baby during that time alone.
Then grandma gets to do the fun stuff. She can then take either child one morning or afternoon, or might be able to help as hoc babysitting one evening or weekends as she isn’t so busy weekdays with them.