How to manage - Childcare with 2 under 3 and both working parents

[Boogiewoogi]

Hi

Just looking for some advice. Child 2 is due this summer and we have a DD who has just turned 2. I’ll be taking 6 months off work as will my husband (for complicated reasons involving work commitments we both need to take the same time off)

So as of January 2023 we will have 2 under 3 and I’m not sure how to juggle childcare.

We both have senior corporate roles which sometimes have long hours and will be a mix of home / office working. I think we could sort it so we take it in turns to do days in the office and home, finishing earlier on the days we are at home.

My DD currently goes to nursery 3 days a week and loves it, then MIL looks after her the other 2. What would be the best approach when new baby is here?

I’m wondering if we could flip the days so DD stays at nursery 2 days a week, MIL looks after the baby those same 2 days a week, then perhaps we could get a nanny for the other 3 days a week? Ideally she would be happy to stay overnight 2 of those nights so that we can get a proper sleep before work. Would a role like that appeal?

We each earn £100k+ so don’t qualify for any childcare help / funded hours but are obviously very lucky to be able to pay for help.

Would be grateful for any advice!

@busyeatingbiscuits

I’ve just asked my husband and weirdly he says no one has ever Asked him if he felt guilty going back to work after he had a baby Told him his children shouldn’t be in childcare Suggested he quit work or reduce his hours to look after his children Asked about his childcare arrangements full stop (He’s the lower earner)

So strange

My point exactly!

It has shocked me to continuously see these type of comments on Mumsnet.

Also, I don't know what OP does but when you have a career and are senior (as opposed to working shift work or 9-5) it really isn't as simple as "just going part time".

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@ShirleyPhallus* You know the “high family income” is BECAUSE the woman is working as well right?*
If the op dropped two days a week their family income would still be £160k . If that’s not a high family income please clarify what is.[/quote]
I don’t want to drop my days though? It would have a detrimental impact to my career. I’ve already said that we are discussing my husband going to 4 days.

Why is it always the default for a woman to drop days?

@Woofwoofbarkbark

I don’t want to overload her with childcare, I think even id find it overwhelming with 2 that small!

You do realise you are about to have 2 that small right?! Or is it because you'll be working so much it won't be very overwhelming as someone else will be doing the brunt of the childcare and housework for you?

Either way, strange comment from someone who is about to have 2 small children!

Bloody hell WoofWoof there are many ways to live a life.

Leave her alone!

@Boogiewoogi Why is it always the default for a woman to drop days? it doesn’t have to be but you started the thread not your dh. Your dc are lucky to have a dad who is willing to put them first.

@Woofwoofbarkbark You just can't admit that you and your husband put your careers before your children.

The op did admit it.

I don’t want to drop my days though? It would have a detrimental impact to my career.

I am sorry you are getting so many misogynistic answers here OP, it's really shocking the way you are being spoken to.

I think a nanny would be great, and perhaps a couple of days per week in nursey for your oldest if she is happy there, plus MIL to do however much she wants. I think you need multiple childcare options available since little kids are sick all the time, and it sounds like you both have jobs that you can't just dip in and out of and that someone else can cover for you if you have to be home for 10 days as one of the kids have chicken pox or whatever.

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@Boogiewoogi* Why is it always the default for a woman to drop days?* it doesn’t have to be but you started the thread not your dh. Your dc are lucky to have a dad who is willing to put them first.[/quote]
This is so fucking offensive I can’t even. What the fuck is wrong with you honestly

@Woofwoofbarkbark

Again, I don't give a fuck what your job is. What sex you are or what colour your skin is... You're putting your career before your children and its cruel.

So anyone who works at all is putting their career before their children? I assume you don’t work then and just magic money out of your arse to pay for food

Sorry you're getting so much grief op.

I'd go for as much nanny as you can afford. Getting 2 small kids out the door and arriving at work looking presentable is 10 times harder than doing it with 1. If a nanny saves you that hassle it will be money well spent.

Use the free hours when they come up, get nanny to do drop offs.

Use mil for an evening or weekend, give her the option to take one or other kid out for the afternoon if she wants to. That way she can do as much as she would like but you're not relying on her.

There appears to be at least one very goady poster on this thread. I recommend people ignore.

We’ve had a nanny since DC was 1, it’s been great. Since she turned 3 she’s in preschool in the mornings, nanny picks up and then she’s home the rest of the day. This has given us the best of flexibility and her getting socialize. If we had a second DC ideally I’d continue this with baby being with nanny FT until starting preschool.

I’m not sure finances though, we’re not UK and in a very expensive childcare market but where we are you could not afford a nanny on £100k especially with overnights. Most Nannie’s here also want FT hours so 3 days a week would be tough to fill. We have a nanny share so pay about 2/3 rate of having a nanny to ourself & our nanny earns £50k/year. DH have a household income 2x what you do and a relatively small mortgage and it’s still felt like a stretch to have a nanny. That said it’s been worth it for us to have rock solid childcare (nanny is usually ok to work if DC has cold symptoms).

Hi folks,

Just a friendly reminder - Mumsnet is a parenting site. It exists to make parent's lives easier. Please bear this in mind before posting.

We've been through and deleted some posts, so we'd like to draw the line there.

Thanks.

U ok hun

That was to @Woofwoofbarkbark

@Woofwoofbarkbark

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Jesus Christ - what the fuck went wrong in your life to provoke such vitriol.

You sad and sorry excuse for a human being.

Just read your household income is £200k not £100🤦🏼‍♀️. I think you may still find this a stretch with much higher taxes in the UK than where we are, but DH and I also have a very low tolerance for financial risk & save a lot so we are probably unreasonable in feeling like our nanny is a stretch on a similar income.