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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

I’m scared of paedophiles having access to my child when in childcare

133 replies

OrangeSprout · 04/01/2021 11:59

Yes I know how insane this sounds...but I don’t want to hear about me being OTT or getting help for being irrational.
What are other mums doing about childcare who are thinking about this too?
I have a meeting with a childminder today, who looks great. Her husband is also a childminder and will be around in the day too. Registered and dbs checked and all the qualifications and experience, ticks all boxes and I think DS would thrive in her care, but how can I get reassurance? Or minimise risk with choosing Childcare?
Quitting work and being with DS 24/7 would obviously get rid of risk but then stifle his development and I need to work!
There’s no other easy answer, but would really appreciate other’s ideas or thoughts on being as practically safe as possible.

OP posts:
ivfbeenbusy · 07/01/2021 16:21

I'm sure the statistics will show that most peadophiles/child abusers are known to the family and could be the father, uncle, brother, grandfather so presume you will risk assess every male family member your child comes into contact with too? 🤔

june2007 · 07/01/2021 16:30

Wow the sexism on this thread. I used childminders because I wanted a more homely environment. All had men in the house and the men over 18 all had to have DBS. I got a better relationship, children mix with a wider age range, older ones help look after younger ones. More able to ge out the house and use the local facilities/groups. More flexible for houers, Cheaper more able to pick ups and drop offs for groups.
I work in a nursery that uses Camaras. only once was I glad they were there. 9I was able to check on a child who had a fall and realised it wasn,t as bad as i had feared.) rEst of the time Staff don,t generally feal safer and I really don,t think children are as camaras are not in the bathrooms where sexual abuse is more liokely to happen. In fact sometimes it can cause more distrust between staff and manager. AS Camaras do not show the whole picture.

1940s · 07/01/2021 16:32

@ivfbeenbusy

I'm sure the statistics will show that most peadophiles/child abusers are known to the family and could be the father, uncle, brother, grandfather so presume you will risk assess every male family member your child comes into contact with too? 🤔
Yes I do risk assessment that too!! I don't leave my child in sole charge with any single male relatives. I have no need to
1940s · 07/01/2021 16:34

@june2007

Wow the sexism on this thread. I used childminders because I wanted a more homely environment. All had men in the house and the men over 18 all had to have DBS. I got a better relationship, children mix with a wider age range, older ones help look after younger ones. More able to ge out the house and use the local facilities/groups. More flexible for houers, Cheaper more able to pick ups and drop offs for groups. I work in a nursery that uses Camaras. only once was I glad they were there. 9I was able to check on a child who had a fall and realised it wasn,t as bad as i had feared.) rEst of the time Staff don,t generally feal safer and I really don,t think children are as camaras are not in the bathrooms where sexual abuse is more liokely to happen. In fact sometimes it can cause more distrust between staff and manager. AS Camaras do not show the whole picture.
I don't think it's sexist to highlight or be aware that the huge majority of paedophiles are male and very often create situations that allow them access to children. It's not sexist to realise this and to want to reduce risk of this happening to your own child
june2007 · 07/01/2021 16:44

So what about at school? Those that won,t allow malke carers will you allow male teachers? At what age would you allow male teachers?
What about male doctors or male nurses?

jannier · 07/01/2021 16:56

@Marley20
But that's the point in your risk assessment the ones you trust are statistically more likely to be the abuser but everyone is okay with that which says its an irrational fear based on the same stereotypes as people saying women shouldn't be welders firemen etc....this numpty has 25 years working in supporting children going through or surviving this trauma and most have been trusted family members few less than a handful have been outside of family .....risk asses know your facts and indicators teach your children its okay to say no and not keep secrets but be realistic with eyes open....men make wonderful role models and carers women groom children dont rely on outdated prejudice to keep your child safe.

1940s · 07/01/2021 16:56

Happier with male teachers as my child can communicate more at 4+ and also requires much less help in the toilet

1940s · 07/01/2021 16:59

Everyone had their own level of comfort. I don't like men in my changing rooms. I don't like men looking after my non communicative child. Luckily it's easily avoided

Tinacollada · 07/01/2021 17:45

If anyone seriously believes that only males can be peadophiles or deviants then they are very mistaken.
Don't understand why the man would pose an extra risk.

1940s · 07/01/2021 17:53

@Tinacollada

If anyone seriously believes that only males can be peadophiles or deviants then they are very mistaken. Don't understand why the man would pose an extra risk.
Statistically they do.... so I'm not sure what your point is? Women of course can pose harm but it's less likely
Tinacollada · 07/01/2021 18:11

My point is that the OP indicates her worry is heightened because the childminder has a male, registered assistant

june2007 · 07/01/2021 18:21

Ok so what abut older people. (children and adults ) who are on verbal do we say men can,t work with them.?

1940s · 07/01/2021 19:19

@june2007

Ok so what abut older people. (children and adults ) who are on verbal do we say men can,t work with them.?
Given the option I would prefer my elderly mother should age ever need it to have female only nurses to clean her body yes. Is this opinion something you have a problem with? I'd also only want female midwives
Tinacollada · 07/01/2021 19:32

1940s you've clearly got a problem with it

Each to their own but I have no idea why you'd only want a female care giver of any sort.

We are in a pandemic Confused

june2007 · 07/01/2021 19:34

Working in a care home yes one can rewuest female only for intimate care, but when their is staff shortage and two staff per client needde their isn,t always a choice.

1940s · 07/01/2021 20:08

@Tinacollada

1940s you've clearly got a problem with it

Each to their own but I have no idea why you'd only want a female care giver of any sort.

We are in a pandemic Confused

I didn't say of any sort. I also didn't say in a pandemic. If I had the choice for me or elderly female relatives I'd want female carers if they needed to touch my body. Same goes for my children when they can't communicate.
bigbird1969 · 07/01/2021 20:15

if your so concerned about your DC being abused you should be more concerned about those closer to home. Most abuse happens in the family home or by someone trusted, grandfather, father, uncle etc and more rarely female relatives. Your likely safer using a fully vetted childminder with a good track record

Original poster
OrangeSprout · 07/01/2021 20:36

@bigbird1969 yes I’m also conscious about family members too. I only trust my Mum!

After reading everyone’s replies and doing lots of mulling it over, I think I would prefer a childminder and, obviously, a carefully selected one.

OP posts:
Tinacollada · 07/01/2021 20:50

You don't need to say "in a pandemic" when we've been living in one for nearly a year 😂

If my loved ones needed care, or my children were in school or ChildcareI would trust the trained and vetted professionals as far as you can, regardless of their sex.

1940s · 07/01/2021 21:00

@Tinacollada

You don't need to say "in a pandemic" when we've been living in one for nearly a year 😂

If my loved ones needed care, or my children were in school or ChildcareI would trust the trained and vetted professionals as far as you can, regardless of their sex.

It's relevant to mention in a pandemic as I don't have an elderly mum...
Marley20 · 07/01/2021 23:09

@jannier

@Marley20
Working with my local safegaurding board where all cases of abuse come in from all sources and are investigated

That's a big claim to base on anecdotal evidence. Ministry of Justice stats show less than 1% of sexual offenders are female.

june2007 · 07/01/2021 23:20

1% are female but how many are enablers? how many turn a blind eye?

Marley20 · 07/01/2021 23:31

I don't know June you tell me. Where is the research and evidence to show most sexual abuse of youngsters is facilitated by women, it's not myself who has made this claim. Always the women's fault isn't it 😉

1940s · 08/01/2021 10:19

@june2007

1% are female but how many are enablers? how many turn a blind eye?
Do you believe there is no heightened risk with male childcare. You believe there is an equal risk with a female?
jannier · 08/01/2021 11:10

@1940s
For there to be a higher risk with male childcare given so few men are in childcare you would have to be assuming every man in childcare is a peadophile and then it would be pushing it. The risk of child sexual abuse in childcare is so low hence why when it happens it makes the news whereas the thousands of cases happening in the child's home are not news worthy.
I think its awful you have such a low opinion of men. Are you the one doing all the changing, bathing and bedtimes at home?