I’m scared of paedophiles having access to my child when in childcare

[OrangeSprout]

Yes I know how insane this sounds...but I don’t want to hear about me being OTT or getting help for being irrational.
What are other mums doing about childcare who are thinking about this too?
I have a meeting with a childminder today, who looks great. Her husband is also a childminder and will be around in the day too. Registered and dbs checked and all the qualifications and experience, ticks all boxes and I think DS would thrive in her care, but how can I get reassurance? Or minimise risk with choosing Childcare?
Quitting work and being with DS 24/7 would obviously get rid of risk but then stifle his development and I need to work!
There’s no other easy answer, but would really appreciate other’s ideas or thoughts on being as practically safe as possible.

All those things re registered, dos checked, qualified, experience and, I assume, references are the way to minimise risk. Then you keep an eye on your child and look for behaviour changes etc.

But basically, whether you want to hear it or not, you are being OTT if you are this terrified.

You go with your gut instinct, it's all you can do really. Speak to other parents, ask the childminder as many questions as you feel appropriate about how they would deal with different situations. Ask about safeguarding.

But you do need to learn to deal with this, your child is going to be in the care of others at many different times and you can't go through life thinking the worst.

I had this fear with my first. Once she was 18m I decided she was ready and I found a place which felt right.
Look at the behaviour of the other children when you visit but personally I chose a nursery and am happy with my choice.

You are being irrational

If you’ve seen copies of the DBS checks and certifications/qualifications and spoken to their references of other parents who have used them, then you’ve minimised the risk as much as possible.

I think you're right to consider this. Personally my kids are in female only childcare and will be until they start school especially as they're non verbal currently. It's not that I have a particular fear that paedophiles would get access to them but given pretty much all paedophiles are men why take the risk if you don't have to?

Thanks for your help

The simple answer is to get help with your anxiety. You're not helping your child by being irrational.

This is very OTT.
Would you have the same fears if your child had a make teacher at school?
I really think you should get help yourself.

You don't want to be told you're irrational, but, in the nicest possible way, you need to be told. Something like 98% of sexual abuse of children comes from a close family member. Statistically it is way way more probable that your child would be abused by Grandad than by the childminder.
Maybe go for a nursery instead of a childminder if you can't control your fears.

You’re not being irrational. I was abused as a child by a trusted adult and consequently both me and my husband have similar fears. As the others have said you can only do so much.

My DS is with a childminder, because I felt that was the best place from June 2020 - a smaller setting, I felt, would minimise exposure to CV.

I do think a nursery might be better from a safeguarding POV. More people - theoretically more accountability and less opportunity.

I’m a childminder - we have dbs checks on ourselves and anyone over the age of 16 who lives at our address. These are checked regularly by ofsted and we also have to do safeguarding training every two years. Ask to see training certs as well as dbs for the household. Any ofsted registered childminder will be dbs checked, just make sure they’re a properly registered childminder and then go with your gut feeling about leaving your child with that person.

pretty much all paedophiles are men why take the risk if you don't have to?

Most paedophiles that are prosecuted are men, but there are very often women in the background facilitating the abuse. Focusing on stereotypes is a stupid idea, and is often why perpetrators are allowed to continue, because they don't reflect your image of what an offender looks like.

I think most people would cary out all the checks mentioned above and then assume the best, unless the child becomes unhappy going to the setting, or there are behavioural changes as pp have said.
As with any risk, you mitigate it to the best of your ability, but you can't remove it. Like every time you get in a car/cross the road etc. Some parents prefer to wait till their child is verbal, before putting them in childcare settings, but obviously that isn't always possible.

OP, I was like you when my DC we’re younger. Ignore people telling you to ‘get help’ as you can’t switch off anxiety.

Perhaps you should consider a nursery?

You need to accept that not every stranger is a paedophile, and you need to get help for your anxiety.

For this reason I prefer to send my children to nursery where there is a mix of all female staff and children aren’t looked after on a one to one basis
However your anxiety will only manifest itself in other ways when you get over this worry. Do you have anxiety generally?

Are there any nurseries which have cctv near you that could give you reassurance? Or use a Nanny and use nanny cams but tell the Nanny you use them

How old is your son? For me personally I didn’t leave my son in childcare until he was out of nappies and toilet trained. Of course that is not an option for everyone but I just didn’t feel comfortable with the thought of strangers changing him.
Would a (live out) nanny in your home make you feel happier? Do you work from home?
There’s some great advice in the comments above though - relying on gut instinct and looking out for behaviour changes.

Check references, chesil dbs certs etc ask questions.

I chose a childminder reccomended by friends and one who is known in the community. she’s seen out and about with the kids all the time and so it’s clear how she behaves with the children and how they respond to her. It’s not foolproof as no one knows what goes on behind closed doors but I am sure my childminder is a safer pair of hands with my kids than I am - she’s way more patient and has excellent boundaries.

@HermioneMakepeace

OP, I was like you when my DC we’re younger. Ignore people telling you to ‘get help’ as you can’t switch off anxiety.

Perhaps you should consider a nursery?

well no, you can't switch off anxiety. But you can find tools to help address it.

As irrational as it is that fear will always be at the back of your mind whether it's a nursery or childminder all you can do is make sure the relevant checks are in place eg DBS

I also asked the age of any male children also attending the Childminder's And also what visitors the childminder would have during the day as obviously they wouldn't be DBS checked. Also what play groups they'd be taken to. Obviously you have little control over any of that but just go with your gut x

Protecting the Gift by Gavin DevBecker is a great book on how to minimise this risk. He has worked with some pretty nasty people and has some great insights.

Gut instinct!
My children went to a nursery with CCTV throughout.

Most paedophiles that are prosecuted are men, but there are very often women in the background facilitating the abuse. Focusing on stereotypes is a stupid idea, and is often why perpetrators are allowed to continue, because they don't reflect your image of what an offender looks like.

This just isn’t statistically true. Of course not all men are paedophiles but overwhelmingly statistically paedophiles are male. Statistically children looked after by females are far less likely to be sexually abused. Though yes on occasion these males use women to access children too.