What am I doing wrong... or do we just have too many kids?

[seafoodudon]

We've just had two au pairs lasting about six months each, and both were pretty successful (neither perfect, obvs, but both really solid and the childcare got done safely and effectively). The second of these au pairs left suddenly (nothing to do with the job or us), and we're really struggling to replace her.

We're using au pair world as that worked well for the last two (and previously we'd used an agency but I totally balked when I found that for the £600 fee they had done nothing more than read her application form and speak to her on the phone - that au pair was good, but only by luck!).

However, for about 10 days now I've been checking in twice a day, sending messages to girls (I'm probably pushing 100 messages now), and not really getting anywhere with anyone. Most of my messages go ignored. We got as far as a phone interview with one who sounded lovely, but then it transpired that there was a really messy backstory about why she wanted to come to the UK and we decided we couldn't risk being involved (it was illegal...).

I think our profile is very 'honest' as we have four young kids and our house is busy BUT we're clear that the max hours per week will be 30 (which is in line with what APW says is 'normal') and we're offering £100 pocket money plus a weekly bus pass worth £15pw. Whilst APW suggest £80-£85. The room is honestly lovely (big converted attic space with exclusive use of new bathroom) - I wish I could go live up there. We never expect work at the weekend, and we can normally give the au pair at least one other day off in the week.

We live in Manchester - rather than London - which I genuinely think is a super city, and we live close to the city centre (15 mins on the bus) - but it seems so many au pairs just want to be in London.

Sorry - not quite sure what I'm looking for here - top tips perhaps?!

4 children is quite a lot, so you've got to differentiate yourself from the other families who have less children, somehow by either offering more money or perks. Make the most of the private floor aspect.

Other things to think about;

1. Make sure you have less than a 12 month stay on your profile. Few au pairs want to stay 12 months, but will sometimes stay longer than they originally said if they're happy (all mine have).
2. Ensure you have lots of nice happy photos that aren't too manic!
3. Don't limit nationality of the au pairs past those who can get Visas or who don't need them.
4. Make sure your profile isn't too long - one of my friends had an essay on her profile and even I got bored reading it.
5. Ensure that you aren't expecting too much, most au pairs are now quite savvy about being treated as low paid nannies doing full day care of young children. Many do not want to do lots of cleaning either.

HTH.

Brexit.

Get a bro pair.

I'd do it again in a heart beat. We adore the bloke we had, were seeing him soon actually!!

30 hours is at the upper end of what they would be expected to do so that with 4 kids is likely to put au pairs off in my opinion

Thanks so much for your advice! APW said that 30 hours is the recommended amount, so I didn't think that was a lot to ask, but perhaps most people are 'undercutting' that so to speak! Our last au pair was in fact doing 33 hours very happily, she didn't seem to have much to do otherwise, other than reading books and going to cafes (she had fluent English), so seemed happy to work. Unfortunately we're in a position now where we really need the 30 hours (we dropped a day at nursery because our last au pair wanted the extra hours and extra money, and nursery now don't have the space to have youngest back that day).

Perhaps there is too much info on our profile. I'm someone that likes to have all the details up front, so our profile is very very full. Perhaps it is too much and is putting people off...

In principle, I'm not against having a male AP but we have three daughters (8, 6, 5) who all still require some support with personal care (even the eldest needs help rinsing her hair in the shower etc), so we're keen to stick with a female AP. However, it's definitely something to think about if I continue to hit a brick wall.

I'm not sure that we're expecting too much - we don't actually require the au pair to do much with the kids other than play with them, feed them, and get them dressed/ready for bed etc. We don't expect any housework (other than tidying up things they've been playing with, basic clearing of the sides after cooking) - we don't expect them to do any laundry or other cleaning/tidying, and don't expect them to help with homework/reading etc.

We have only limited the nationality of au pairs to EU (ha ha!) to avoid issues with visas and so that we can afford to pay return flights if necessary. We don't have any other restrictions.

Hmm... any recommendations of where else to try if we continue to hit a brick will with APW?

Thanks so much!

Oh, and when I say 'cooking', we don't really expect much of our au pair in that respect either. Either really simple things like some sausages and boiled veg, or oven food, or pasta and sauce, or I will cook a dish and get them to bung it in the oven to heat up.

I saw another thread earlier that said that Brexit is scaring a lot of potential au pairs off.

I think (in my limited experience) that 30 hours a week - presumably with 1 x nursery age toddler, plus 3 additional girls at need-managing ages is quite alot for £100 pw. I think the pull of London v Manchester /4 children / 30hrs / £100pw wont make you top of the list for many people. I love Manchester by the way.

It's really frustrating because (and I know Londoners will disagree), I just think Manchester would be more fun for an au pair... certainly £100 in Manchester will go so much further than it would in London (esp as no transport costs with the bus pass)! We haven't really had problems recruiting the last two times (not swamped with applications but we didn't have a lot of problem finding decent people), so perhaps Brexit does have something to do with it... Previously we've also been recruiting a couple of months in advance, whereas this time it's more looking for someone who can start immediately, so perhaps that's limiting us too.

We could offer a little more money - but the £100 plus the £15 bus pass looked like it was already a good deal compared to the £80-£85 that APW recommends! Perhaps APW doesn't have as good an idea of the market as I presumed!!

I'm not sure what the going rate is for 4 children - I have 1 school age child and our au pair is paid £90 per week + £20 'food/extras' + gym membership + she uses the family pass to botanical gardens. We live in Cambridge. Could you add 'an extra' to entice an au pair up to Manchester. The other thing I do is make a powerpoint presentation (only 10 slides or so) or pictures of the rooms in the house and some key pictures of the city - it helps the au pair to picture themselves there in the home. I usually send this after the second or third email thread of questions/answers when I feel the conversation is going well and the person is a good candidate.

Admittedly im a grumpy old woman but no way on earth would i want to look after four children for 30 hours a week for £100!

Thanks DML - Yeah, I'm not sure if au pairs expect more for more kids- perhaps. I guess to me, I don't really see it as more 'work' because even if I had one or two kids I'd still be expecting the au pair to be working in their work hours - I'd just expect them to be able to get on with more non-childcare related things. But perhaps that's not how the APs see it. I thought the free bus pass was the 'extra' we were offering to entice to Manchester, but perhaps it's not good enough. I do have extra pictures of the room and the house, which I send via whatsapp after a few messages, but perhaps pictures of Manchester more generally are a good idea (I suppose I expected them to be able to google for those!).

I get what you are saying about the money going further in Manchester than London. But I cannot imagine anyone choosing to go to Manchester if they can go to London.

HellonHeels - well I guess it's not just £115 - it's also a nice room, and all bills and meals. If you were coming to Manchester to study at a language school and wanted a family homestay with double room and bathroom then I think you'd be looking in the region of paying £600 per month.

I think 4 children is definitely more work than 1 or 2 so maybe add in a little extra?

Sounds like slave Wages to look after 4 kids for 30 hours a week no wonder no takers.

Manchester isn’t really somewhere that young people would necessarily want to go. Maybe offer more money/holiday so they can travel. Alternatively consider taking au pairs from commonwealth countries. It’s easybto sort their visas and brexit is a nonissue.

Can you see on the au pair sites what others are offering? Because if there are lots of families in London with one or two children, paying £100 + car or travel pass, well its no surprise you can't get someone. I still think 30 hours is a lot of work for a small amount of money. A homestay arrangement isnt really comparable.

So you’re only paying them £3.33ph? I’m not sure 100% how au paring works but surely you ought to be paying them national min wage?

You're right that the recommended hours are 30 BUT most people have 2 kids. If most families in London have 2 kids and are offering the same money then it's a no brainer who they will pick. My friend with 4 has had to go with older au pairs and offers £170 a week.

Sounds like a nanny job on pocket money “ wages”.

So, no weekends, usually another day off in the week, no real cooking, no cleaning & in a decent city

3 at school all day, one preschooler some of the days.

...nice room, all bills & food covered and £100 pw

Personally, I’m failing to see what there’s not to like to stay in a new city for 6 months (or so).

What are you not saying? You’re naturists? Your house resembles a skip? You are big supporters of the wind chime proctors? Morris dancers? ...??

Or, god forbid, worse than all of those put together, you work from home?

£100 per week to look after 4 children is about 83p per hour per child.

I don't think the room is high on the agenda for au pairs but I think London is.

Friend had 2 au pairs to look after her 1 DC during the week. Friday night to Sunday evening off every other week and Friday night till Monday after noon off the other weekend for that she paid £170 each au pair and she was in London. And this was 14 years ago.

£100 seems very low

breastmilk. No. She’s not. You haven’t factored in the costs they’re covering housing, bills, food etc.

Please no Morris dancers